..not to be jealous, hearing different stories. Of course am really happy and glad for the numerous joyful testimonies of God's providence in their lives.
A year has passed and I feel I've taken so many steps back instead.
Perpetually fighting 1 setback after another; rejection, useless dreams, dilemmas and death
Even scarier to sit with my mentors and be told that this season might last years!
But one day at a time.
If I don't trust in God, there's nothing left to trust in
Monday, December 24, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
After a long time
A few posts back, I wrote about this
After being away for a year, it was interesting to return back to the streets of Chow Kit.
As it drizzled prior to starting, the humidity mixed with the fumes of the traffic in addition to the clouds of cigarette smoke nearly choked the atmosphere under the tent. Yet the stench from the nearby garbage dump did not dampen the appetites of those who were gathered. Just a few familiar faces I recognize, I wonder where the others I knew have gone; prison? a changed life? death?
Grey hairs have started to colour Ps Richard's hair, no doubt the opening of another drug rehab home specially for women is busy work. The street ministry has grown even more than what I read about; there's now another street feeding at the same time in Brickfields, ministering to the dumb and deaf.
Since Christmas is coming near, a cell group has came to sing carols. The significance of the song Away in the Manger hits home as the voices strain to compete with the honking from the streets. No crib for his bed, indeed, many of those there had no real home.
I feel awkward returning, I struggle to speak my terrible Mandarin and my Bahasa now has a weird accent. Also, now I feel more comfortable hiding behind my medical knowledge; I found it easier to talk to a man about cutting down on smoking rather than about Jesus. Plus they are suspicious of me as well, a stranger. I used to know the regulars and they were my friends.
The visit back has tug a few heart strings. I am encouraged that the IMU juniors are trying to go every forthnight. I used to sell this ministry to CF and cg to not much success and yet a group of juniors I don't know have chose to go. Which I feel is God's timing as if people went during my time, I would have probably claimed the credit but now, it is God's.
Yet with it comes the reminder of my lost dreams. Certain things I dare not even hope or think about because the future is so fluid, unpredictable.
Anyway, I had pictures but silly me forgot to bring back my camera cable.
After being away for a year, it was interesting to return back to the streets of Chow Kit.
As it drizzled prior to starting, the humidity mixed with the fumes of the traffic in addition to the clouds of cigarette smoke nearly choked the atmosphere under the tent. Yet the stench from the nearby garbage dump did not dampen the appetites of those who were gathered. Just a few familiar faces I recognize, I wonder where the others I knew have gone; prison? a changed life? death?
Grey hairs have started to colour Ps Richard's hair, no doubt the opening of another drug rehab home specially for women is busy work. The street ministry has grown even more than what I read about; there's now another street feeding at the same time in Brickfields, ministering to the dumb and deaf.
Since Christmas is coming near, a cell group has came to sing carols. The significance of the song Away in the Manger hits home as the voices strain to compete with the honking from the streets. No crib for his bed, indeed, many of those there had no real home.
I feel awkward returning, I struggle to speak my terrible Mandarin and my Bahasa now has a weird accent. Also, now I feel more comfortable hiding behind my medical knowledge; I found it easier to talk to a man about cutting down on smoking rather than about Jesus. Plus they are suspicious of me as well, a stranger. I used to know the regulars and they were my friends.
The visit back has tug a few heart strings. I am encouraged that the IMU juniors are trying to go every forthnight. I used to sell this ministry to CF and cg to not much success and yet a group of juniors I don't know have chose to go. Which I feel is God's timing as if people went during my time, I would have probably claimed the credit but now, it is God's.
Yet with it comes the reminder of my lost dreams. Certain things I dare not even hope or think about because the future is so fluid, unpredictable.
Anyway, I had pictures but silly me forgot to bring back my camera cable.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
And as I was passing by..
...on transit, there was a large group of men waiting in the airport lounge. Of east-Asian origin, their clothes showed their humble backgrounds while they laid down on the floor on their white woven bags, resting from a long flight. Their agent, a rather fierce looking middle aged woman stood clutching a swath of passports and documents.
Rather unkindly but in all honesty, the 1st thought that crossed my mind when passing this group was "I hope they are not on my flight!" for there was a slight stench, probably as many had not had a shower since travelling miles? from their home village to the city to catch their flight.
Yet after moving into the waiting area, looking at them from across the glass partition, I was reminded that in many ways we have much in common, only that my family's migration happened 60+ years earlier in a time where laws and citizenships were fluid.
Both my grandfathers migrated from famine striken China to Malaysia and had blue collar jobs where my maternal grandfather started of as a labourer in the docks carrying goods. It's only by God's grace and hard work, our family is what it is today.
The men waiting out there had poorer prospects. Most will have to work hard, construction jobs for perhaps Rm10-20 (USD 3-5) per day. All have left their families and will not see them for the next 3-5 years.
And this is why I really love and believe in the work of my church who have started a Nepali and Bahasa service. Of people who have sacrificed their time to care for these people; my maid's cell group leader is a rich Chinese man who picks all the maids up for cell group in his house every Wednesday.
Indeed, despite the NEP policy that has forced us to study privately and overseas, in comparison to other migrants, we are still blessed.
Rather unkindly but in all honesty, the 1st thought that crossed my mind when passing this group was "I hope they are not on my flight!" for there was a slight stench, probably as many had not had a shower since travelling miles? from their home village to the city to catch their flight.
Yet after moving into the waiting area, looking at them from across the glass partition, I was reminded that in many ways we have much in common, only that my family's migration happened 60+ years earlier in a time where laws and citizenships were fluid.
Both my grandfathers migrated from famine striken China to Malaysia and had blue collar jobs where my maternal grandfather started of as a labourer in the docks carrying goods. It's only by God's grace and hard work, our family is what it is today.
The men waiting out there had poorer prospects. Most will have to work hard, construction jobs for perhaps Rm10-20 (USD 3-5) per day. All have left their families and will not see them for the next 3-5 years.
And this is why I really love and believe in the work of my church who have started a Nepali and Bahasa service. Of people who have sacrificed their time to care for these people; my maid's cell group leader is a rich Chinese man who picks all the maids up for cell group in his house every Wednesday.
Indeed, despite the NEP policy that has forced us to study privately and overseas, in comparison to other migrants, we are still blessed.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
As I was reading
....something today, questions about faith, life and God struck me
While I don't hope for everyone to have cancer and do rejoice in good news, does it mean that my own prayers were crap? I remember praying after the biopsy that the result would just be a momentary scare, that I would resume my job at IMU and our family would be normal again. So did I have not enough faith then?
More importantly, do I not have enough faith that the cancer is gone? Will the cancer come back just because I don't have enough faith or fail to pray enough? What's enough and what's not?
This too might reek of jealousy and self righteousness but here goes.
When my good friend and I started to pray together, we in similar situations; holding each other accountable and sharing our lives. Yet 3 years down the track she has entered a new season while I'm kind of lost. And despite my efforts in "guarding" myself, it still stung and happened the worst possible moments. Twice.
Of course, objectively I also don't deserve some of the blessings lavished on me.
My salvation, my close knitted family, the opportunity to be educated. I could have been born in squalor, abused and enslaved. I did survive a 360 deg car crash unharmed. And yes although cancer is bad, I do acknowledge as well that we are still blessed as we can afford to pay for treatment. Plus I am sitting here typing this with high speed broadband and running electricity which puts me in the top 10% of people in the world*, so I don't really have a case to argue! :)
No wonder there is such a warning against the "prosperity gospel" because it surely does make light of the countless other Christians who suffer in other parts of the world. It is still something I'm working on to balance the Charismatic faith-claiming along with the reality of the cross.
*estimated figure only with no sources to back me up..but u get my point! haha
While I don't hope for everyone to have cancer and do rejoice in good news, does it mean that my own prayers were crap? I remember praying after the biopsy that the result would just be a momentary scare, that I would resume my job at IMU and our family would be normal again. So did I have not enough faith then?
More importantly, do I not have enough faith that the cancer is gone? Will the cancer come back just because I don't have enough faith or fail to pray enough? What's enough and what's not?
This too might reek of jealousy and self righteousness but here goes.
When my good friend and I started to pray together, we in similar situations; holding each other accountable and sharing our lives. Yet 3 years down the track she has entered a new season while I'm kind of lost. And despite my efforts in "guarding" myself, it still stung and happened the worst possible moments. Twice.
Of course, objectively I also don't deserve some of the blessings lavished on me.
My salvation, my close knitted family, the opportunity to be educated. I could have been born in squalor, abused and enslaved. I did survive a 360 deg car crash unharmed. And yes although cancer is bad, I do acknowledge as well that we are still blessed as we can afford to pay for treatment. Plus I am sitting here typing this with high speed broadband and running electricity which puts me in the top 10% of people in the world*, so I don't really have a case to argue! :)
No wonder there is such a warning against the "prosperity gospel" because it surely does make light of the countless other Christians who suffer in other parts of the world. It is still something I'm working on to balance the Charismatic faith-claiming along with the reality of the cross.
*estimated figure only with no sources to back me up..but u get my point! haha
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Just random
Some people blog about philosophy, others rant about their day while more write to express their thoughts.
Most Asians though always write commentaries about dinner/trips/outings, pull out the camera and take lots of pictures. And so here goes my overdue picture post...
Unichurch ball-a while back
Dinner with our tutor-he was really helpful! Gave us tutes after hours from 5.30-7 ish every Wednesday
Bible study photos
Most Asians though always write commentaries about dinner/trips/outings, pull out the camera and take lots of pictures. And so here goes my overdue picture post...
Unichurch ball-a while back
Dinner with our tutor-he was really helpful! Gave us tutes after hours from 5.30-7 ish every Wednesday
Bible study photos
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Don't pause too long
The saying goes that if you fall down, you try, get up and go on.
And I'd like to think of myself as a fighter, haha however "perasaan" or inaccurate my judgment of myself is
Yet sometimes when the flurry of activity ends or especially in the early morning hours of getting up; when the defenses are down...
it hits me that....
somethings will never be
no matter how independent I want to be, I am not
and while I try and see that the glass is half full, it also means that it is half empty in the 1st place and I have to convince myself to ignore that
that I am trying but sometimes it's just not really enough.....
that even though I am fairly content with everything right now, there is still a little part of me that hopes for a better tomorrow.....
And I'd like to think of myself as a fighter, haha however "perasaan" or inaccurate my judgment of myself is
Yet sometimes when the flurry of activity ends or especially in the early morning hours of getting up; when the defenses are down...
it hits me that....
somethings will never be
no matter how independent I want to be, I am not
and while I try and see that the glass is half full, it also means that it is half empty in the 1st place and I have to convince myself to ignore that
that I am trying but sometimes it's just not really enough.....
that even though I am fairly content with everything right now, there is still a little part of me that hopes for a better tomorrow.....
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Just a short blurb..
It just occurred to me as I was chatting with my housemate on MSN as we were in our respective rooms, 2 meters away...how weird technology is!!
To my defense, we were comparing our hospital block preferences for next year and looking at the form online. But still, it's not uncommon unfortunately.
And I used to find it funny when other friends of mine who were housemates YM each other to ask if the other wanted to go for dinner.
That was until I opened my own MSN one day and found a msg from my housemate asking if I was sleeping or not.
To my defense, we were comparing our hospital block preferences for next year and looking at the form online. But still, it's not uncommon unfortunately.
And I used to find it funny when other friends of mine who were housemates YM each other to ask if the other wanted to go for dinner.
That was until I opened my own MSN one day and found a msg from my housemate asking if I was sleeping or not.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Moving forward?
BY : DARRYL FOO - FLOODGATES
It was a memorable night at the recent dedication of the downtown Street Fellowship in Kuala Lumpur which is a collaborative effort of a few churches including DUMC. Many people came to witness the historical event. The venue which was on the first floor of a shophouse, was packed with men and women of all races and ages. The sound of hundreds of worshippers in a packed room echoing, singing to the line "Ya Abba Bapa, ini aku anakmu ..."; hands in the air with eyes closed, praying and worshipping the Lord was awesome. What was experienced during the night was not just the discovery of a Street Fellowship but the discovery of God's heart.
After the praise and worship session, the Fellowship leader, Pastor Kah Hoo shared how God had sustained the Fellowship despite occasions when the Fellowship would have been closed if not for the love of God. From a food-sharing programme, the ministry has grown into a full-fledge Fellowship. Each time the venue of the Fellowship was moved to a better environment, God brought in more people. Through this Fellowship, God has restored many lives.
Pastor Dr. Chew Weng Chee of SIB (KL) who also spoke at the dedication service, praise God and the leadership of different churches who collaborated, for having one heart and mind in this street ministry work. He quoted Isaiah 43:19 to share that there is only one way out of the wasteland and that was Jesus. The ministry would not work if Jesus was not here regardless of the commitment of all the staff. Everyone was present that night only because of one bond; Jesus Christ.
Pastor Daniel also spoke that night after the sharing of two powerful testimonies by Brother Ah Siong and Brother Ah Kong. Quoting Deuteronomy 24:19-22, Pastor Daniel said that the least, last and lost people are very close to the Lord's heart. When Christian reach out to them, they also reach out to God's heart and serve Christ. When people with real needs are ministered to, God's heart is ministered to as well. In Matthew 25:40, we are told that "... whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
Pastor Daniel went on to say it is important not only to minister to them, but with them. The equippming and discipling of the the street people is important and will continue for as long as the Lord wills it. Therefore, a church is needed as the Church of Jesus Christ will outlast us. There is a great need to plant more and multiply more street fellowships and churches as there are many in this community who need to hear the truth and receive a second chance in life.
Pastor Daniel had a word of encouragement for the people who served in the ministry of the least, last and lost people. He said their work will attract God's grace, attention and favour as promised in Isaiah 58:6-12. God wil be there to guide, provide and bless the servers and their work. No one can change a human heart but God can. This work will always be on the winning side as it touches God's heart and invites his visitation.
After Pastor Daniel's message, the dedication service concluded with a corporate prayer by the senior pastors of the churches that formed the Street Fellowship Committee.
The congregation then adjourned for a meal at the carpark area. What exciting times it is that DUMC may participate in a united Christian effort in planting a Fellowship for the street community. This is the beginning of a historic era for the Malaysian Churches. May DUMC minister to God's heart through her efforts in bringing the truth to the least, last and lost.
Reading this is both joyful but also time for honest self reflection
Joy because the ministry is moving forward. No longer merely a tent at the back of Petaling Street but a street church & a day center to meet the people's needs. Kenosis home now has 2 branches. The most difficult and dirtiest, dangerous (both spiritually and physically) place in KL/Klang with a church of their own.
Honest self reflection because when I read my blog post from long ago I realized that I was more bold, honest and passionate about things before the cancer and other things. I had self depreciating humour back then. Haha.
I've become quite quiet here and a little selfish even. In some sense, I am afraid to hope because hope raises the risk of disappointments.
But yea, Sun's sermon was a good reminder that Jesus chose the hard path. Not his will be done but God's.
So pray for me, as I pray myself that I will live and love. Care and risk caring. That my faith will not be merely circumstantial. And thank God that He does love despite the risks. Also for the awesome new church!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Life's weird
Funny weird when 2 people from opposite spectrums start dating each other
Odd weird when the most bizarre news gets reported (Lim Goh Tong and his wreaths?!)
Sad weird when the most unexpected people fall ill
Incomprehensible weird when bad things happen to good people who love God
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."
-- Tom Clancy
Odd weird when the most bizarre news gets reported (Lim Goh Tong and his wreaths?!)
Sad weird when the most unexpected people fall ill
Incomprehensible weird when bad things happen to good people who love God
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."
-- Tom Clancy
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Eat and be merry
I hope it's because I look really thin (haha, which I am not) that I keep getting food sent to me...
Because my Oz grandparents are going back to Malaysia for holidays next week, they are loading me up with food. I just got prawns and beehoon and chicken and bak kut teh delivered to me yesterday....and today I have 2 tubs of take away and hungry jacks (burger king) delivered to me again. And so, although I just have had a full lunch, I am enjoying a grilled chicken burger with cheese.
from the balcony
Because my Oz grandparents are going back to Malaysia for holidays next week, they are loading me up with food. I just got prawns and beehoon and chicken and bak kut teh delivered to me yesterday....and today I have 2 tubs of take away and hungry jacks (burger king) delivered to me again. And so, although I just have had a full lunch, I am enjoying a grilled chicken burger with cheese.
from the balcony
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Eat
Chopsticks high up in the air; ready to pounce.Echoes of "Chiak, chiak, chiak!*" play on and on.
The race is for the swiftest. Unsuspecting youngsters beware.....
Repeated shakes of head and numerous protests do not stop the influx of food on the plate. Save from physically lifting my plate of the table, nothing I do can stop more food from coming my way. Resisting one grandmother is hard enough. Trying to stop 2 grandmothers and a grandfather from ladling even more noodles on my full plate is almost impossible. And it is pure rudeness to put anything on your plate back to the main plate. So if anything touches your plate; it's yours.
Don't get me wrong; as a poor student I welcome free yumchas but non stop eating for 1-2 hours stretches my stomach lining a little to far.
After a while I learn a strategy; to eat as slow as possible and to never leave my plate empty because food will magically plop on my plate if there's space.
Chinese and food go together. Our typical greeting for "how are you?" is "have you eaten?"
I can almost guarantee, in a typical conversation between a Chinese parent and child on the phone, one of the 1st things would be to ask "have you eaten?" & "what did you eat?"
It may seem out of place in our age of glorying slimness but I guess in my grandparents' generation, I love yous were not spoken out loud. But rather, in the settings of poverty; giving their children that piece of meat while eating vegetables themselves was the way of saying I love you. And one can always know who was the favourite child by seeing who got ladled out the biggest piece of chicken drumstick.
So I guess it's a privilege and an honor to be fed.
& thankfully, my M'sian grandmother whom I've not seen for a few months didn't say "Pui liaw.....*" (as it is the custom to comment how fat/thin/tan/fair one is)
*chiak=hokkien for eat
*pui liaw=hokkien for you've become fatter
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Which angle are you looking from?
As proof of my procrastination, I've read lots of NON-Medical books. (Which I will pay dearly if I fail my OSCE+Viva & not go back to Malaysia)
These 2 books present history; more specifically Israel's birth after WW2 from two different perspectives.
Golda Meir was Israel's 1st woman prime minister; a staunch Zionist.
Elias Chacour is a Palestinian Bishop.
Golda Meir writes about her life; the struggles as a young child living in poverty in America, her migration to a newly born Israel, the difficulties faced in a young country with not much infrastructure, lots of suspicion from their surrounding neighbours and the Yom Kippur war (which was a tactical surprise attack from Egypt and Syria on a "holy & rest" day for Israel). Clearly she was a formidable woman and from what she writes, you get the idea that Israel was a young country constantly under threat. And who can forget the reason Israel was created in the 1st place; to create a country where the displaced Jews who suffered under Hilter could call home.
Elias Chacour writes also about his life; running around the lush orchards of Galilee as a young boy, seeing the valleys Jesus himself must have walked, how the new Israel military evicted his whole village from their houses, how his family lost their orchards and almost their lives and how he chose to return to Israel from Europe. His story gives voice to a forgotten group of people, those who equally deserve the rights to a home of their own, people who have lived in the same land for generations, only to wake up and be called foreigners after a UN resolution.
Everyone has a side to the story.
And often times, no one is wrong.
How unique and how much more understanding we will have if only we get to hear the other side of the story. Which is why I think Clint Eastwood's take on the battle of Iwo Jima really smart!
(he filmed 2 different films about the same battle; one in Japanese to tell the story from the Japanese perspective, the other from the American perspective...and I can't believe I watched a war movie just because I wanted to see how he did it..! )
One day perhaps a dual story will be told by God; from His perspective and from mine.
But for now, it's time to stow away my side of the story.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Deja-vu?
I guess sometimes we give certain people in the bible a bad rap. Because we know the progression and ending of the bible stories, it's easy to comment that so and so should have had more faith or that he shouldn't have done that etc. But I've realized that if I was in the thick of some of the situations described, I would have reacted the same way; if not worst.
Which is why in the initial glance, the disciples' reaction to Jesus' remark to give the 4000 people something to eat in Mark 8:1-10 hardly surprising. If I were one of them, I would have said the same words, "But where in this remote place can anyone get enough bread to feed them?" Plus, this was in the days pre-Carrefour (or insert your favourite hypermart) where people made their own bread and even if there were shops, none would have been able to come up with 4000 loaves immediately. Of course, the place was remote as well and the disciples weren't exactly swimming in money either.
Yet, if we go back just 2 chapters before, an almost identical scene with 5000 men was recorded in Mark 6:30-44. Again, it was a remote place, with 5000 mouths* to feed. But Jesus performed a miracle and feed all with 12 basketfuls left over.
I don't know about you, but if I actually witnessed someone miraclously multiplying 5 loaves and 2 fish to feed 5000, it wouldn't be something I'd forget for a long time!
And if we tie the two passages together, then it becomes clear that the disciples' remark and lack of faith in Mark 8:4 uncalled for. After all, they have seen Jesus feed an even larger crowd. Didn't it occur to them that He could repeat the same miracle? And it was not as if a long time had passed between the two scenes, it was just 2 chapters away!
I've never looked at both passages this way and the deduction of the disciples' reaction humbled me because I see myself in them. I guess I've been lacking trust in God and it hit me when I was reading an email from a junior about PMS as my thoughts were suddenly transported back to sem5. I was anxious, uncertain yet God came through for me.
God has been faithful before, why won't He be faithful now? He multiplied and fed 5000, why can't I trust that He can repeat the same thing and fed 4000?
Of course, the circumstances are a little more tricky and more grave now, yet...if He cared even for my little whims, surely He cares for even bigger issues.
*To be technical, Mark 6:30-44 records 5000 men. Along with the supporting passage in Matthew 14:13-21, 5000 does not include women and children, which means the total number fed that day was even higher
Which is why in the initial glance, the disciples' reaction to Jesus' remark to give the 4000 people something to eat in Mark 8:1-10 hardly surprising. If I were one of them, I would have said the same words, "But where in this remote place can anyone get enough bread to feed them?" Plus, this was in the days pre-Carrefour (or insert your favourite hypermart) where people made their own bread and even if there were shops, none would have been able to come up with 4000 loaves immediately. Of course, the place was remote as well and the disciples weren't exactly swimming in money either.
Yet, if we go back just 2 chapters before, an almost identical scene with 5000 men was recorded in Mark 6:30-44. Again, it was a remote place, with 5000 mouths* to feed. But Jesus performed a miracle and feed all with 12 basketfuls left over.
I don't know about you, but if I actually witnessed someone miraclously multiplying 5 loaves and 2 fish to feed 5000, it wouldn't be something I'd forget for a long time!
And if we tie the two passages together, then it becomes clear that the disciples' remark and lack of faith in Mark 8:4 uncalled for. After all, they have seen Jesus feed an even larger crowd. Didn't it occur to them that He could repeat the same miracle? And it was not as if a long time had passed between the two scenes, it was just 2 chapters away!
I've never looked at both passages this way and the deduction of the disciples' reaction humbled me because I see myself in them. I guess I've been lacking trust in God and it hit me when I was reading an email from a junior about PMS as my thoughts were suddenly transported back to sem5. I was anxious, uncertain yet God came through for me.
God has been faithful before, why won't He be faithful now? He multiplied and fed 5000, why can't I trust that He can repeat the same thing and fed 4000?
Of course, the circumstances are a little more tricky and more grave now, yet...if He cared even for my little whims, surely He cares for even bigger issues.
*To be technical, Mark 6:30-44 records 5000 men. Along with the supporting passage in Matthew 14:13-21, 5000 does not include women and children, which means the total number fed that day was even higher
Saturday, October 06, 2007
The series: KRC
KRC in Kings Cross; it's a clinic right above the fire station.It was an eye opening experience. Kind of miss the place
Friday, October 05, 2007
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Monday, October 01, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
All in a week
The week started on Sunday night; the LIME conference which by a fluke I manage to win a sponsorship from my clinical school to attend. Kind of intimidating to be among the medical deans of Aus/NZ along with aboriginal health professionals. And although there were a few medical students, they were high powered ones; representing Melb U AMSA or the National Rural Doctors Network etc! Really embarrassing because I don't know how med uni elections work or even how aboriginal health is taught in my uni, haha, being from IMU. Plus, boy they really know how to network! They talk to politicians about funding for their student groups and rock up to deans to discuss their med school curriculum.
But it was good to learn a little bit more about aboriginal health. We (from Malaysia) often think that Australia is utopia; yet the reality is that life is difficult for the aboriginals here. They have a health status similar to that of Bangladesh and a 17 year life expectancy gap compared to other Australians. And the people at LIME are really passionate about aboriginal health! Reminded me of the MSAP (Medical Students Aid Project) meeting I once attended where the students were so enthusiastic into going to 3rd world countries and were fund raising for medications etc. It was almost like a mission preparation meeting except that most people weren't Christian. Which got me thinking, shouldn't we as Christians be even more passionate about the underprivileged?
Haha, but the crunch came on Wednesday for me. I've not been back to St Vincent's or the King Cross area since holidays having been posted away for O&G and Paeds. Going back was a blast of cold shock for me.
So happened the patients I tracked down were unco-operative. Alcohol/drug addiction problems. Had a patient who wanted to "end it all" and ranted because he was withdrawn of his methadone and thought panadiane was lousy and *****
And being Asian, a girl and at the lowest rung of the hospital food chain, the rudeness was full on. Despite having a fair amount of exposure to the "darker" side of medicine/society, it's still uncomfortable. Having just submitted St Vincent's as my 1st hospital preference for next year, I wondered why on earth do I pay so much uni fees, choose a further hospital and travel to the city for such treatment! (I don't know if I will get my 1st preference though..given the limited places)
But this is the reality of medicine; more so as a Christian. He endured far worst and yet loved, with no strings attached. Exchanged His life to give us grace.
Other "depressing" things occurred this week, but that's enough for this blog.
Keep me in prayers! :)
But it was good to learn a little bit more about aboriginal health. We (from Malaysia) often think that Australia is utopia; yet the reality is that life is difficult for the aboriginals here. They have a health status similar to that of Bangladesh and a 17 year life expectancy gap compared to other Australians. And the people at LIME are really passionate about aboriginal health! Reminded me of the MSAP (Medical Students Aid Project) meeting I once attended where the students were so enthusiastic into going to 3rd world countries and were fund raising for medications etc. It was almost like a mission preparation meeting except that most people weren't Christian. Which got me thinking, shouldn't we as Christians be even more passionate about the underprivileged?
Haha, but the crunch came on Wednesday for me. I've not been back to St Vincent's or the King Cross area since holidays having been posted away for O&G and Paeds. Going back was a blast of cold shock for me.
So happened the patients I tracked down were unco-operative. Alcohol/drug addiction problems. Had a patient who wanted to "end it all" and ranted because he was withdrawn of his methadone and thought panadiane was lousy and *****
And being Asian, a girl and at the lowest rung of the hospital food chain, the rudeness was full on. Despite having a fair amount of exposure to the "darker" side of medicine/society, it's still uncomfortable. Having just submitted St Vincent's as my 1st hospital preference for next year, I wondered why on earth do I pay so much uni fees, choose a further hospital and travel to the city for such treatment! (I don't know if I will get my 1st preference though..given the limited places)
But this is the reality of medicine; more so as a Christian. He endured far worst and yet loved, with no strings attached. Exchanged His life to give us grace.
Other "depressing" things occurred this week, but that's enough for this blog.
Keep me in prayers! :)
Saturday, September 22, 2007
The best of Sydney
I remember visiting Sydney exactly 2 years ago...it was spring too. And wow it was so pretty and I thought to myself, yea I could live here.
Yet in many ways, it's been a struggle in Sydney. Of which a huge chunk has nothing to do with the place but rather circumstances happening elsewhere.
Anyway, the point is, for some of the bleh I have with Sydney..haha, it is actually a nice place after all. :)
And yea I must humbly learn to count my blessings!
Last Saturday was good.
Brunch with girls from church!
Going to the Paddington Markets together. The one last week was the Rocks.
There's another one near my house which is not so funky but totally cheap!
Sigh, I have a craft market obsession
And watching Puccini's opera live in Sydney Opera House!
This is not the same clip..the one I watched was in full medieval dress costume. But I love this song! Thank God for subtitles during the opera otherwise I would have been lost in Italian!
Yet in many ways, it's been a struggle in Sydney. Of which a huge chunk has nothing to do with the place but rather circumstances happening elsewhere.
Anyway, the point is, for some of the bleh I have with Sydney..haha, it is actually a nice place after all. :)
And yea I must humbly learn to count my blessings!
Last Saturday was good.
Brunch with girls from church!
Going to the Paddington Markets together. The one last week was the Rocks.There's another one near my house which is not so funky but totally cheap!
Sigh, I have a craft market obsession
And watching Puccini's opera live in Sydney Opera House!
This is not the same clip..the one I watched was in full medieval dress costume. But I love this song! Thank God for subtitles during the opera otherwise I would have been lost in Italian!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
For fun
Picked up a packet of smoked salmon on 70% off!
-which is great to eat...but which means I'm not studying as I should during my holidays.
-which is great to eat...but which means I'm not studying as I should during my holidays.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
I never knew this!
As some of you might know, I am still neither here nor there with church.
Not because my church is bad; in fact I've been blessed by the strong and solid biblical teaching!
And doesn't mean I'm not going to church either; have been going for bible study and services. I hope it's not because I'm not willing to adjust/adapt.
But I guess the crux of the matter is theology & church beliefs.
As noted, I do admit I'm quite lazy and as long as things are fine, I prefer to leave it as that. I sometimes dislike my own mind as it drives me into ideas, social & political issues..all that keeps me deep in thought, exaggerates my seriousness when all I want to do is chill.
But I guess I just cannot avoid this whole church theology issue anymore.
I must say that on one hand, it is not really that important what theological beliefs one has because at the end of the day, repentance and obedience to Jesus is the most important thing.
Yet it is also important to know why we believe in the things we believe or choose go to a certain church and not the other. (esp in my confused case!)
In Malaysia, the situation is slightly different..perhaps our theological practices overlap more, which is why I've never really struggled with this and probably why although eg:Cindy went to a Baptist church while I went to a charismatic methodist church, everything we believed about the bible were similar
In Malaysia, a Charismatic church is part of the NECF (National Evangelical Christian Fellowship). Our CF never really had problems with inter-denominations. A Lutheran pastor could come and speak while we sang Hillsong songs..and it would be okay!
The situation here is slightly different.
And it's hard to put into words; but in a nutshell...each denomination is different. (duh, haha)
At first I thought, hey yea while my church is not "charismatic" but it's okay. I don't think that the display of the gifts of the holy spirit should be a major criteria in choosing churches anyway. It's fine if people do speak in tongues and if people don't. It's fine if no one lifts up their hands. I can adapt to a different worship culture; even if they don't sing the songs I sing at home.
But I guess beyond the external differences, there's is a different emphasis in spiritual interpretation that filters all the way down to the way bible study is conducted, the way prayer is practiced, issues of faith, if you believe in fasting or not and so on (yea, I can't believe it... I've never questioned if fasting should be practiced or not till recently!)
This is not a fun struggle. I dislike being unsure about church. I want to settle. The only upside to this is that I''m learning lots of new things that I never knew before!
Did you know Pentecostals believe that baptism of Holy Spirit must be accompanied by speaking of tongues?
And that in the Charismatic movement, the baptism of the Holy Spirit is separate from receiving the Holy Spirit during salvation conversion? I always thought so too ..but according to the book "I believe in the Holy Spirit" it is not...emm..
So yea, this is just the tip of the iceberg about the questions and uncertainties that are running through my head. It's confusing!
And I don't want to be biased towards what I've been brought up in so I'm reading two opposite books, "The Charismatic Chaos" and "I believe in the Holy Spirit"
One helpful thing I've read was a commentary that in Revelation, there were 7 different churches each with their own weaknesses and strengths. Probably just like in the churches today; where certain churches are strong in numbers, others are strong in sermons, another strong in missions....there is no perfect church after all.
I guess I've managed to bore you if you are reading all the way till now...
I am quite frustrated over this; do pray for me that I'd be able to discern if God wants me to stay put at my church or otherwise. :)
Not because my church is bad; in fact I've been blessed by the strong and solid biblical teaching!
And doesn't mean I'm not going to church either; have been going for bible study and services. I hope it's not because I'm not willing to adjust/adapt.
But I guess the crux of the matter is theology & church beliefs.
As noted, I do admit I'm quite lazy and as long as things are fine, I prefer to leave it as that. I sometimes dislike my own mind as it drives me into ideas, social & political issues..all that keeps me deep in thought, exaggerates my seriousness when all I want to do is chill.
But I guess I just cannot avoid this whole church theology issue anymore.
I must say that on one hand, it is not really that important what theological beliefs one has because at the end of the day, repentance and obedience to Jesus is the most important thing.
Yet it is also important to know why we believe in the things we believe or choose go to a certain church and not the other. (esp in my confused case!)
In Malaysia, the situation is slightly different..perhaps our theological practices overlap more, which is why I've never really struggled with this and probably why although eg:Cindy went to a Baptist church while I went to a charismatic methodist church, everything we believed about the bible were similar
In Malaysia, a Charismatic church is part of the NECF (National Evangelical Christian Fellowship). Our CF never really had problems with inter-denominations. A Lutheran pastor could come and speak while we sang Hillsong songs..and it would be okay!
The situation here is slightly different.
And it's hard to put into words; but in a nutshell...each denomination is different. (duh, haha)
At first I thought, hey yea while my church is not "charismatic" but it's okay. I don't think that the display of the gifts of the holy spirit should be a major criteria in choosing churches anyway. It's fine if people do speak in tongues and if people don't. It's fine if no one lifts up their hands. I can adapt to a different worship culture; even if they don't sing the songs I sing at home.
But I guess beyond the external differences, there's is a different emphasis in spiritual interpretation that filters all the way down to the way bible study is conducted, the way prayer is practiced, issues of faith, if you believe in fasting or not and so on (yea, I can't believe it... I've never questioned if fasting should be practiced or not till recently!)
This is not a fun struggle. I dislike being unsure about church. I want to settle. The only upside to this is that I''m learning lots of new things that I never knew before!
Did you know Pentecostals believe that baptism of Holy Spirit must be accompanied by speaking of tongues?
And that in the Charismatic movement, the baptism of the Holy Spirit is separate from receiving the Holy Spirit during salvation conversion? I always thought so too ..but according to the book "I believe in the Holy Spirit" it is not...emm..
So yea, this is just the tip of the iceberg about the questions and uncertainties that are running through my head. It's confusing!
And I don't want to be biased towards what I've been brought up in so I'm reading two opposite books, "The Charismatic Chaos" and "I believe in the Holy Spirit"
One helpful thing I've read was a commentary that in Revelation, there were 7 different churches each with their own weaknesses and strengths. Probably just like in the churches today; where certain churches are strong in numbers, others are strong in sermons, another strong in missions....there is no perfect church after all.
I guess I've managed to bore you if you are reading all the way till now...
I am quite frustrated over this; do pray for me that I'd be able to discern if God wants me to stay put at my church or otherwise. :)
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Wow
So I went to my favourite place again yesterday. The waves were wonderful and I can't get enough of the beach.
Anyway, the thing is that when I feel frustrated/stressed I run lots without feeling tired. I can't believe I jogged to Coogee and back! Out of curiosity, I did a little search and found out that it is 3.13 km one way! I can't believe an unfit person like me can actually do it.
I just hope I will be able to do it on a normal day minus the frustrated feelings.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
on the sideline, was looking through some blogs of cf juniors I don't even know and found this..
Crz u are popular! ;)
Anyway, the thing is that when I feel frustrated/stressed I run lots without feeling tired. I can't believe I jogged to Coogee and back! Out of curiosity, I did a little search and found out that it is 3.13 km one way! I can't believe an unfit person like me can actually do it.
I just hope I will be able to do it on a normal day minus the frustrated feelings.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
on the sideline, was looking through some blogs of cf juniors I don't even know and found this..
because I am bored,
because I have nothing to write,
my friend asked me to write some random statement...
he suggested this...
.
"chris is very leng chai"
.
hahahaha
...
.
*dedicated to chris poi*
Crz u are popular! ;)
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Fitting in?
"Where do I belong now, I wondered. Long ago I rejected the cultish spirit of the church I had just helped bury. Yet neither could I share the materialistic skepticism of the scientists on the panel....
Theologically, I probably fit most comfortably with the evangelical Bible college, for we have in common a thirst for God, a reverence for the Bible and a love for Jesus. Nonetheless I had not found there much balance or health. Sometimes I feel like the most liberal person among conservatives, and sometimes like the most conservative among liberals. How can I fit together my religious past with my spiritual present?" Philip Yancey from Soul Survivor
"Sometimes I accept Jesus' audacious claim without question. Sometimes I confess I wonder what difference it should make to my life that a man lived two thousand years ago in a place called Galilee. Can I resolve this inner tension between doubter and lover?" Philip Yancey from The Jesus I Never Knew.
I think it's interesting to note that the author of the most controversial subjects (or certainly the most skeptical titles) in Christianity is also one of the most widely read.
For one, I am thankful that he dares to write such books so I don't feel like the only silly faithless person.
I guess I'm still unsure about church (yea kill me because it's been 9 months!)
and in the wake of so much going on, who is God really? Is He really out to get me and if He's not why does it feel so? What is He up to?
inner tension between doubter and lover
is not questioning faith or folly?
edit: This just happen to come up as well..worth a read
Theologically, I probably fit most comfortably with the evangelical Bible college, for we have in common a thirst for God, a reverence for the Bible and a love for Jesus. Nonetheless I had not found there much balance or health. Sometimes I feel like the most liberal person among conservatives, and sometimes like the most conservative among liberals. How can I fit together my religious past with my spiritual present?" Philip Yancey from Soul Survivor
"Sometimes I accept Jesus' audacious claim without question. Sometimes I confess I wonder what difference it should make to my life that a man lived two thousand years ago in a place called Galilee. Can I resolve this inner tension between doubter and lover?" Philip Yancey from The Jesus I Never Knew.
I think it's interesting to note that the author of the most controversial subjects (or certainly the most skeptical titles) in Christianity is also one of the most widely read.
For one, I am thankful that he dares to write such books so I don't feel like the only silly faithless person.
I guess I'm still unsure about church (yea kill me because it's been 9 months!)
and in the wake of so much going on, who is God really? Is He really out to get me and if He's not why does it feel so? What is He up to?
inner tension between doubter and lover
is not questioning faith or folly?
edit: This just happen to come up as well..worth a read
Friday, September 07, 2007
Hazardous
Am hooked on the library borrowed West Wing Dvd now!
Of course, Hollywood portrayed politics should be watched with a pinch of salt esp as they serve to propagate some of their agendas; but some dramatic lines and certain scenes are super cool. Also enjoyed the Commander in Chief series last year.
This clip is thought provoking. As a Christian I do take the stand against, but I realize I do need to also know the bible better, the context and the application instead of merely sprouting lines. Just because I'm a Christian doesn't mean I don't think objectively; plus Jesus passes the test under the microscope.
But I guess I do feel my inclinations towards politics is kind of useless & a time waster.
So what if I know what's going on; doesn't improve my studies at all!
Doesn't improve my social life; it's a dry topic.
Plus more importantly, I don't desire to run for office anyway; doesn't suite my personality, I lack charisma and there's other things I'd rather serve in.
I remember being 13 or so, reading Time and deciding I wanted to go to uni, study political science and be a writer. Debating in musty lecture halls. Haha!
I grew up and now appreciate being in medicine, because politics can be depressing & where black and white often muddle into grey.
I do believe interests are God's gifts, but this does feel like a waste of time sometimes.
Of course, Hollywood portrayed politics should be watched with a pinch of salt esp as they serve to propagate some of their agendas; but some dramatic lines and certain scenes are super cool. Also enjoyed the Commander in Chief series last year.
This clip is thought provoking. As a Christian I do take the stand against, but I realize I do need to also know the bible better, the context and the application instead of merely sprouting lines. Just because I'm a Christian doesn't mean I don't think objectively; plus Jesus passes the test under the microscope.
But I guess I do feel my inclinations towards politics is kind of useless & a time waster.
So what if I know what's going on; doesn't improve my studies at all!
Doesn't improve my social life; it's a dry topic.
Plus more importantly, I don't desire to run for office anyway; doesn't suite my personality, I lack charisma and there's other things I'd rather serve in.
I remember being 13 or so, reading Time and deciding I wanted to go to uni, study political science and be a writer. Debating in musty lecture halls. Haha!
I grew up and now appreciate being in medicine, because politics can be depressing & where black and white often muddle into grey.
I do believe interests are God's gifts, but this does feel like a waste of time sometimes.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
The trysting place
"Over the years I have developed a habit of visiting what I call my Trysting Places, special rendezvous points where in the past I have met the Lord and where I return in time of need, confident that I will find Him there again. There is a strange power in place. This must be one of the main reasons the Bible gives such an important role to alters and sanctuaries and special mountains. For by instinct we are drawn back to the place where we once met God, trusting that there again we can keep our tryst" David Wilkerson from Beyond the Cross and the Switchblade.
In IMU, one of my favorite places was the hilltop of Commenwealth Park. Partially cuz while lots of IMU students jog, they prefer to do rounds of the lake, thus no one would see me puffing and wheezing while running up. (I have poor stamina!) But more so because it overlooked IMU and KL. Kind of perfect to pray, although most times I get lost in my own thoughts rather than God's.
Have been going down to Coogee beach weekly although again my poor stamina betrays me again and I walk most of the 25-30 min down. I guess physiologically as humans we are made to roam and walking does crystallizes God more, at least for me.
Especially for an introvert like me, it helps to walk & pray to God because you won't feel as if you're spacing out when in certain parts of the conversation you keep silent. Just like when you walk with a friend, it's less awkward to have pockets of silence then if you are sitting down over coffee face to face.
I won't go as far as David Wilkerson to call it my trysting place but rather an enjoyable break.
In IMU, one of my favorite places was the hilltop of Commenwealth Park. Partially cuz while lots of IMU students jog, they prefer to do rounds of the lake, thus no one would see me puffing and wheezing while running up. (I have poor stamina!) But more so because it overlooked IMU and KL. Kind of perfect to pray, although most times I get lost in my own thoughts rather than God's.
Have been going down to Coogee beach weekly although again my poor stamina betrays me again and I walk most of the 25-30 min down. I guess physiologically as humans we are made to roam and walking does crystallizes God more, at least for me.
Especially for an introvert like me, it helps to walk & pray to God because you won't feel as if you're spacing out when in certain parts of the conversation you keep silent. Just like when you walk with a friend, it's less awkward to have pockets of silence then if you are sitting down over coffee face to face.
I won't go as far as David Wilkerson to call it my trysting place but rather an enjoyable break.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Stating the obvious
There is a greater risk of dying on the first day of life than on any other day (except the last). From Lecture Notes on Paediatrics Chapter 6, pg 54
It is indeed "enlightening"!
More med textbook fun..
It is indeed "enlightening"!
More med textbook fun..
Friday, August 31, 2007
Malaysia
My family is a migratory family.On my mum's side, out of seven children my mum's the only one still staying in Malaysia.
On my dad's side, only he and his brother call Malaysia home while my 4 aunts and grandparents are all in Sydney.
When it came to making choices post form 5, many of my hometown friends assumed that I would go overseas right after. I must admit I did toy around with the idea esp when I could get a 50% discount for fees for a college in Perth.
But "playing safe" chose to do SAM, in case I couldn't do medicine in Oz direct entry, there was always IMU to fall back on. (& it was a cheaper option)
Funnily UNSW did offer me a 1st year place after SAM, but I declined and chose to go to IMU...after serious fact finding by my dad and I, because of the easier post grad opportunities in the UK. Even before I set foot in the abandoned shopping complex aka IMU, I knew which country I wanted to go...all the way till April 2006!
Anyway, the irony of ending up in Australia...and specifically UNSW is another story altogether.
The point is, I could have ended up overseas when I was 17 or 18.
But I am sooo thankful that I didn't because it was only during the IMU years that I started to understand my country more.
To understand the politics and systems; to grieve over the failings, yet to love the resilience & have a burden for the people of Malaysia. More importantly, the privilege of being part of the body of Christ in Malaysia. It's no longer their problem but my concern as well. I feel so strongly about this that I hope my sisters will be able to stay in Malaysia for the first years of college/uni and have the same (or even better) learning experiences I had.
Yes, things can be better, and I am in no position to comment until and unless I return home for good....
but I am thankful despite the racial misgivings to be called Malaysian.
Happy Merdeka.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Yours or mine?
Ever got one of those pesky supermarket trolleys whose wheels seem to have a mind of their own? When you try to steer it right, they would veer to the left instead. The condition of trolley wheels are at greater peril in Australia because customers are allowed to push them all the way back to home, as far as they want to; over roads, stones etc.
While getting a defected trolley works the abs during the duration of a shopping trip, there are similar parallels of my life with those wheels. How often have I sung "Lord I give you my life" and fail to realize if I've truly given Him my life, then He has full control to steer me wherever and in whatever conditions?
It is easy to give God full reign when things are nice; but to submit even when it seems like He's pushing the trolley into the inferno?
Yet if my life is really His, then I should be more prepared to yield despite human understanding. To yield even if He brings pain to those I really love.
If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.
Daniel 3: 17-18
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I'm a happy nerd
14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14
16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16
16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16
I have a confession to make.
I am guilty of buying pirated VCDs and downloading TV series over the net. Of course we all know it's illegal, and yet perhaps due to the Malaysian culture, it was something I did.
My conscience was twinged a little when being president of CF we adopted a Repent, Revive and Restore theme. Sadly to say (with judgment on my own self added with the judgment of leading people while in sin) although I did cut down from buying VCDs, I wasn't spot free. Not heavy downloading yet still catching up on the latest downloaded House series. Or buying the occasional "must see" movie.
When my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer, our whole family re-examined James 5: 16.
Where we really righteous? Of course, no one can be without sin and we are not advocating legalism, yet this was such a "preventable" sin! We were intentionally breaking the law; more importantly, grieving God...just to save a few bucks on entertainment?
So our whole family stopped buying pirated VCDs.
Well, I'd like to stop here but truth is, I am sinful.
I still watched some downloaded TV series, some which were transfered from friends.
I justified that it's on TV anyway, all I'm doing is watch the recordings that other people make. But one of my friends at uni did a bible study group topic on this and according to the copyright laws, while it's legal to tape a show it's not legal to transfer over the internet.
Over the last few weeks, much has happened in my life and has caused me to re-re-examine James 5:16 (yea I'm super sinful). Again, I am challenged to stop watching downloaded tv series.
And let me tell you, while it's not a "choose Jesus or die gunpoint" sacrificial situation to stop watching tv series online...
for a clinical med student nothing is as relaxing as coming home, eating dinner while watching an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond on the laptop!
Plus, my internet speed is an amazing 20mbps. An 350mb episode only takes 1-2 hours to dl.
But it does revel the rot in my heart, preferring to dabble in illegalities instead of honoring God.
So it's been 2-3 weeks since the downloading has stopped.
I no holy-moly, I do need to relax as well, so I did checked out the local rental shop to rent some shows. And I realized that when I was "forced" to pay for my entertainment, I actually became more selective on what I watched and also how much I watched. Another lesson learnt.
But God always surprises when we let go of things for Him.
Today on a whim I wandered around a shopping complex few min from my uni.
And there was a community library. Which was free and we could borrow 15 items!
Which includes DVDs, CDs, magazines and *glee* books.
Of course the DVD collection is not as staggering as the world wide web, but there are a few random gems. A whole series of West Wing, a crazy mix of movies from Elizabeth to Antz, lots and lots of classical music CDs. I manage to borrow a copy of Chariots of Fire!
And as most know, I'm a true blue nerd & miser who's terribly happy that she has in possession 2 borrowed copied of Reader's Digest June and July which she would never have paid $10 each to buy.
This is not a great story nor earth shattering revelation, but I hope that I'll learn to be faithful in "little" things. I still have a long way to go! (haha, imagine *argh*...even giving up illegal downloading took me so long to learn) Keep me accountable! Haha.
*I hope Youtube is not illegal. Last I checked, under US government laws it's technically legal although some lawsuits are flying in*
Monday, August 20, 2007
This is good
One thing I really miss about DUMC is the balance the church has; charismatic yet also word based. Not perfect of course; yet learning together in mistakes.
A big church, yet utilizing the size not merely for big buildings, but to set up a drug rehab, a handicapped training centre and most recently, a drop in centre for the underprivileged.
A church that sends & encourages its members to go for missions; Cambodia, Nepal, Thailand & not merely short term missions, but long term workers.
The church is having a 3 week fast and daily 530 am prayer meetings.
Am encouraged my sister is going!
I really miss church back home.
Have a listen to this http://www.filefactory.com/file/dbeaeb/ if you are free.
My sister specially bought the cd, downloaded it over the web so that I can get my dose of sermon from Malaysia.
A big church, yet utilizing the size not merely for big buildings, but to set up a drug rehab, a handicapped training centre and most recently, a drop in centre for the underprivileged.
A church that sends & encourages its members to go for missions; Cambodia, Nepal, Thailand & not merely short term missions, but long term workers.
The church is having a 3 week fast and daily 530 am prayer meetings.
Am encouraged my sister is going!
I really miss church back home.
Have a listen to this http://www.filefactory.com/file/dbeaeb/ if you are free.
My sister specially bought the cd, downloaded it over the web so that I can get my dose of sermon from Malaysia.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Morning roll call at Ravensbruck came half an hour earlier than at Vught. By 4.30 AM we had to be standing outside in the predawn chill....
...Next to us, perhaps a deliberate warning to newcomers-were located the punishment barracks. From there, all day long and often into the night, came the sounds of hell itself. They were not sounds of anger, nor of any human emotion, but of a cruelty altogether detached: blows landing in regular rhythm, screams keeping pace.
...it grew harder and harder. Even within these four walls there was too much misery, too much seemingly pointless suffering. Every day something else failed to make sense, something else grew too heavy. "Will You carry this too, Lord Jesus?"
The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom.
Re-reading some books that I read years ago have made me realize how much emotion I missed then. A new wave of respect, of grief intertwined with understanding dawned.
Of course I am not in a concentration camp; but I am a wimp who can't deal with cancer, loss, death and broken dreams.
It's frustrating to be schooled in pain.
I wish I can be a yuppie Christian with happening posts and extra ordinary "change the world/campus" visions. On fire for God. Doing ground breaking things. Exciting things. Challenging (but not hurtful challenging, rather goal oriented challenging) things.
Not struggling to get out of bed and whose achievement is not crying mid lecture.
And I think back, Oh my goodness how insensitive and naive I was when I shared in Cambodia; who was I, a rich girl who has never known hunger nor hurt to speak of perseverance or healing to those who lost so much?
When I read "First they killed my father" about a Cambodian girl who loss her family just a few weeks back, a wave of nausea flooded me because...now I've seen the concentration camp, I have walked in their fields, it's no longer a story, it's a person's life; it is real...
I can just close the book and forget, but for her, it's her life that she can't escape from. Just like others can press the red X button top right hand corner now, yet I can't.
This is nonsense rambling.
The only consolation for me is that when/IF (provided God restores me) others hurt, I will no longer be the well intended but terribly un-understanding girl.
I will be able to look into their eyes and share in brokenness.
This is my body broken for you, do this in remembrance of me.
...Next to us, perhaps a deliberate warning to newcomers-were located the punishment barracks. From there, all day long and often into the night, came the sounds of hell itself. They were not sounds of anger, nor of any human emotion, but of a cruelty altogether detached: blows landing in regular rhythm, screams keeping pace.
...it grew harder and harder. Even within these four walls there was too much misery, too much seemingly pointless suffering. Every day something else failed to make sense, something else grew too heavy. "Will You carry this too, Lord Jesus?"
The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom.
Re-reading some books that I read years ago have made me realize how much emotion I missed then. A new wave of respect, of grief intertwined with understanding dawned.
Of course I am not in a concentration camp; but I am a wimp who can't deal with cancer, loss, death and broken dreams.
It's frustrating to be schooled in pain.
I wish I can be a yuppie Christian with happening posts and extra ordinary "change the world/campus" visions. On fire for God. Doing ground breaking things. Exciting things. Challenging (but not hurtful challenging, rather goal oriented challenging) things.
Not struggling to get out of bed and whose achievement is not crying mid lecture.
And I think back, Oh my goodness how insensitive and naive I was when I shared in Cambodia; who was I, a rich girl who has never known hunger nor hurt to speak of perseverance or healing to those who lost so much?
When I read "First they killed my father" about a Cambodian girl who loss her family just a few weeks back, a wave of nausea flooded me because...now I've seen the concentration camp, I have walked in their fields, it's no longer a story, it's a person's life; it is real...
I can just close the book and forget, but for her, it's her life that she can't escape from. Just like others can press the red X button top right hand corner now, yet I can't.
This is nonsense rambling.
The only consolation for me is that when/IF (provided God restores me) others hurt, I will no longer be the well intended but terribly un-understanding girl.
I will be able to look into their eyes and share in brokenness.
This is my body broken for you, do this in remembrance of me.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
Friday, August 03, 2007
Quote of the day
"Grace is free, but grace is not cheap"
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
And just because I can..haha, more photos...
I miss you all!
But yea, am feeling so much better now.
Went to a party and screamed till I'm all hoarse now. :)
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
And just because I can..haha, more photos...
I miss you all!But yea, am feeling so much better now.
Went to a party and screamed till I'm all hoarse now. :)
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
The Maggi Chronicles
Remember this?
So my grandmother actually gave me 3 packets of curry maggi noodles some time back.
Alllll the way from Malaysia from her last trip last year.
Of course, they are special and no one (no no!) would want to waste it on a "normal" dinner.
It's like striking a chemical equilibrium; everything must be just right to savor hot curry maggi noodles. The night must be of optimum temperature, cold not merely moderately cold cuz it just seems more delicious the colder the night is. And goes without saying, the busier the day was at the hospital, the higher the satisfaction garnered from the 2 minute meal.
So I had 2 of such days and was waiting for the conditions to ripen for the one and final packet.....
and waiting...
until I discovered 2 months later on a perfect night that it had expired a week or two ago.
Of course, it goes to show that in life, just like maggi mee, you can't always wait for the perfect conditions to occur because you end up wasting the present day (and a packet of curry maggi mee!!!!).
I hope in life, I will have more capre diem moments than curry maggi mee wasting moments.
Ps don't worry about me, I did manage to stock up on 5 more packets of maggi mee from Malaysia. ;)
So my grandmother actually gave me 3 packets of curry maggi noodles some time back.
Alllll the way from Malaysia from her last trip last year.
Of course, they are special and no one (no no!) would want to waste it on a "normal" dinner.
It's like striking a chemical equilibrium; everything must be just right to savor hot curry maggi noodles. The night must be of optimum temperature, cold not merely moderately cold cuz it just seems more delicious the colder the night is. And goes without saying, the busier the day was at the hospital, the higher the satisfaction garnered from the 2 minute meal.
So I had 2 of such days and was waiting for the conditions to ripen for the one and final packet.....
and waiting...
until I discovered 2 months later on a perfect night that it had expired a week or two ago.
Of course, it goes to show that in life, just like maggi mee, you can't always wait for the perfect conditions to occur because you end up wasting the present day (and a packet of curry maggi mee!!!!).
I hope in life, I will have more capre diem moments than curry maggi mee wasting moments.
Ps don't worry about me, I did manage to stock up on 5 more packets of maggi mee from Malaysia. ;)
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Still struggling
the contrast just seems so sharp; having being back and coming to Sydney again.
I don't know if it's just something up with me or that I'm in the wrong place, but I am struggling to connect at church. I guess I'm very Malaysian after all.
And it just gets to me, to hear that my mum's been unwell for the pass 2 days and yet didn't tell me (we talk on the phone or rather VOIP everyday so the omission of information is even more disturbing). I dislike having to find out from other people; yet when I hear it from her myself, I don't know what to say and end up just saying it'd be ok etc.....
It's times like this that I don't even want to evangelize or be a "good" christian, I rather just stay locked up in my room because I can't even hold my life in order......
Do pray for me.
Thanks!
I don't know if it's just something up with me or that I'm in the wrong place, but I am struggling to connect at church. I guess I'm very Malaysian after all.
And it just gets to me, to hear that my mum's been unwell for the pass 2 days and yet didn't tell me (we talk on the phone or rather VOIP everyday so the omission of information is even more disturbing). I dislike having to find out from other people; yet when I hear it from her myself, I don't know what to say and end up just saying it'd be ok etc.....
It's times like this that I don't even want to evangelize or be a "good" christian, I rather just stay locked up in my room because I can't even hold my life in order......
Do pray for me.
Thanks!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
In retrospect
Because of luggage weight concerns, I left behind a stack or so of journals and planners, misc cards. But it's been great fun pulling them out and skimming through almost 5 years in writing.
Fretting over matematik tambahan in form 5. Or which uni and what to study after SPM.
Having a best friend who was a Malay girl. Getting angry at being teased with a guy. (haha)
Stressing over SAM, finding footings in IMU...where the 1st entry for IMU was "...I feel so lost because I don't know anyone"
Pulling out cards, the neon green live planner we bought to support Campus Friends.
The names of villages in Cambodia where I went. Remembering the KKB accident. Sheepishly reading how I sometimes felt cf/cg was burdensome or obligatory yet how much I miss and learnt from all the planning and people there. Writing about feeling fat...haha.
Cards from different people. One from Cambodia that I don't dare to reread because it's full of hope yet I've failed him and disappointed their hopes because I'm not going back again for now. (but troy & jonathan's going! always great to hear ppl I know going!).
In many ways, God has brought me through even when I least expected him to.
In others, it's a mixture of both progress and regression.
A reminder that I should start to journal again after being so lazy
Fretting over matematik tambahan in form 5. Or which uni and what to study after SPM.
Having a best friend who was a Malay girl. Getting angry at being teased with a guy. (haha)
Stressing over SAM, finding footings in IMU...where the 1st entry for IMU was "...I feel so lost because I don't know anyone"
Pulling out cards, the neon green live planner we bought to support Campus Friends.
The names of villages in Cambodia where I went. Remembering the KKB accident. Sheepishly reading how I sometimes felt cf/cg was burdensome or obligatory yet how much I miss and learnt from all the planning and people there. Writing about feeling fat...haha.
Cards from different people. One from Cambodia that I don't dare to reread because it's full of hope yet I've failed him and disappointed their hopes because I'm not going back again for now. (but troy & jonathan's going! always great to hear ppl I know going!).
In many ways, God has brought me through even when I least expected him to.
In others, it's a mixture of both progress and regression.
A reminder that I should start to journal again after being so lazy
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Not enough love
Even with two different groups of friends, the same issues keep coming up during dinner/mamak sessions.
Corruption=billions of dollars missing, the rising crime and the horror stories, the state of affairs around, the integrity of courts, religion.
Being overseas have opened my eyes even more; it never bothered me much but being away and coming back, I now notice things I never realized. I never noticed or cared of the significance that everyone in church was of the same ethnicity; on autopilot we just focused on people of our own colour.
It is really sad and sobering to hear of all that's going on.
To know that so much can be improved and yet stay mirred.
Yet are we just merely going to discuss things over dinner, living our comfortable middle class Malaysian lives while plotting for ways to migrate overseas?
I can't answer because I'm not brave enough to say I'll be back.
But I know there's lots to pray for, about.
Forgive me Lord, for I do not love my country enough.
Corruption=billions of dollars missing, the rising crime and the horror stories, the state of affairs around, the integrity of courts, religion.
Being overseas have opened my eyes even more; it never bothered me much but being away and coming back, I now notice things I never realized. I never noticed or cared of the significance that everyone in church was of the same ethnicity; on autopilot we just focused on people of our own colour.
It is really sad and sobering to hear of all that's going on.
To know that so much can be improved and yet stay mirred.
Yet are we just merely going to discuss things over dinner, living our comfortable middle class Malaysian lives while plotting for ways to migrate overseas?
I can't answer because I'm not brave enough to say I'll be back.
But I know there's lots to pray for, about.
Forgive me Lord, for I do not love my country enough.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Moments of wow
Was just catching up with one of dumc's conference cds by Dr David Wang.
"They were talking with each other, but they were not communicating with each other"
Wow, so profound. Are we merely opening our mouths with sounds to fill the silence or are we truly connecting when we engage in conversation?
Another wow sentence, love the way it's phrased..
"In many ways, the Dehs — Kwame, Suzzy and Delight — are unremarkable, average. But in their incredible ability to keep mining Africa's most precious resource — optimism — they are extraordinary. Just like Africa itself." Simon Robinson for TIME Feb 22, 2007.
"They were talking with each other, but they were not communicating with each other"
Wow, so profound. Are we merely opening our mouths with sounds to fill the silence or are we truly connecting when we engage in conversation?
Another wow sentence, love the way it's phrased..
"In many ways, the Dehs — Kwame, Suzzy and Delight — are unremarkable, average. But in their incredible ability to keep mining Africa's most precious resource — optimism — they are extraordinary. Just like Africa itself." Simon Robinson for TIME Feb 22, 2007.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Do you eat the icing first or the biscuit?
It just happen that Yoda asked this question last fri and I saw these biscuits in the pasar malam.Childhood was indeed the best of times. No worries about calories, carcinogenic food colourings or type 2 diabetic inducing icing sugar.
But yea, looking forward to what now has to offer as well. :)
Friday, July 13, 2007
In His time
It feels so good to be back in IMU, to see things that I wanted or dreamed that it would happen all come to past after I leave...(does this mean I'm so bad that things don't happen when I'm around? haha).
I remember scrambling to arrange transport for everyone to go to church, but now there's a bus from IMU to church
The Cg has raised its own leaders
People from CF going for different mission trips
I remember that we always suggested that CF should change its time but never did it, yet now the juniors have CF on fridays and even go for CF till 2 and then have their summative exams right after. I am humbled because it's a sacrifice and an act of trust I myself wouldn't have done.
It just helps to remind me that dreams do come true.
That God is able.
That His timing is right.
That He does know what He's doing after all.
That He will bring to completion what He has started.
I remember scrambling to arrange transport for everyone to go to church, but now there's a bus from IMU to church
The Cg has raised its own leaders
People from CF going for different mission trips
I remember that we always suggested that CF should change its time but never did it, yet now the juniors have CF on fridays and even go for CF till 2 and then have their summative exams right after. I am humbled because it's a sacrifice and an act of trust I myself wouldn't have done.
It just helps to remind me that dreams do come true.
That God is able.
That His timing is right.
That He does know what He's doing after all.
That He will bring to completion what He has started.
Monday, July 09, 2007
It's Malaysia
Riding the rickety non air conditioned yellow mini bus that charges 80cents to get to Sunway.
One of the few Chinese faces in the midst of clerks, retail sales girls, students, elderly ladies.
Eating in food courts, observing what the man next in line is choosing for his meal; aware that his choice of a huge mount of white rice and vegetable curry plus a red ais sirap is more of an economic decision than a gustatory choice.
Over the past year or so my family has been catching buses and walking because we do not have a car in Subang; and don't really want to spend money on taxis if there's a bus route. Once my mother walked to the dentist in the afternoon, a good 15-20 min walk in the sun, a month or so after she finished her chemo...
It's been a great experience learning to live like how most Malaysians live; different from the middle income lifestyle most of us in IMU/college are used to. And a new understanding in how those with RM1000 a month manage to survive while feeding their families of four or more chidren.
Riding the rickety non air conditioned yellow mini bus that charges 80cents to get to Sunway.
One of the few Chinese faces in the midst of clerks, retail sales girls, students, elderly ladies.
Eating in food courts, observing what the man next in line is choosing for his meal; aware that his choice of a huge mount of white rice and vegetable curry plus a red ais sirap is more of an economic decision than a gustatory choice.
Over the past year or so my family has been catching buses and walking because we do not have a car in Subang; and don't really want to spend money on taxis if there's a bus route. Once my mother walked to the dentist in the afternoon, a good 15-20 min walk in the sun, a month or so after she finished her chemo...
It's been a great experience learning to live like how most Malaysians live; different from the middle income lifestyle most of us in IMU/college are used to. And a new understanding in how those with RM1000 a month manage to survive while feeding their families of four or more chidren.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Again
I hardly get ill in Malaysia.
But ever since coming here I've been hit twice with really bad colds that made me lose my voice and now am starting to feel feverish again. I'm just afraid I won't be able to take it when I go back to the sudden change from cold to hot plus the jet lag of a night flight. Won't want to be sick because I have such a short time back. And yea friends who are reading this, I'd love to meet up! Contact me :)
Anyway,
It's great with facebook now that if you don't bring your camera, it's heaps easier to trade pics.
And yea, I love my read coat and it just costs Aud10!
But ever since coming here I've been hit twice with really bad colds that made me lose my voice and now am starting to feel feverish again. I'm just afraid I won't be able to take it when I go back to the sudden change from cold to hot plus the jet lag of a night flight. Won't want to be sick because I have such a short time back. And yea friends who are reading this, I'd love to meet up! Contact me :)
Anyway,
It's great with facebook now that if you don't bring your camera, it's heaps easier to trade pics.
And yea, I love my read coat and it just costs Aud10!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
We're alike after all
While I've finished my posting at k1ngs cross, there's things to learn from it even now.
Many of the homeless are homeless to a certain extend by choice.
Some choices are based on their psychological addiction but many are made out of habit and instant gratification.
This is glaringly obvious in Australia where there's a strong welfare system; most are entitled to around Aud800-1000 per month from the government and yet are still homeless. Most choose to spend their welfare money on drugs, tobacco, alcohol. The youths choose to be on the streets than to be in hostels. Many refuse to go on methadone because they fear they'd be addicted to it and dislike coming to the clinic everyday to be dosed, but fail to recognize the irony that they are on a 500 a day heroin habit and have to shoot up 3-4 times a day.
It boils back to human choices, our human nature to do things our own way.
And no matter how good the social system is or which country you are in, look close enough and you'd find the same pattern.
In KL, one old man I knew was homeless because he ran away from his old folks home. He just couldn't stand the routine and wanted the freedom to do whatever he liked even though it was far more dangerous and dirty to live in bus stations in Klang and Pudu.
Of course it's so easy to look at them and be bewildered on their seemingly dumb choices.
Just like when we read about the Israelites and wonder why would they worship a man made calf having seen God part the sea into two.
Yet I've becoming more aware that I am just the same like the homeless or the Israelites.
I'd rather rest my trust in a piece of paper, people, events, a specialist training spot or all other illusions of security than the God who's unchanging.
And just like the homeless who rather suffer the bitting cold for a shot of H, I too rather meander around, doubt than to rest in God's arms for His best. Because deep down, God's way does at times seem too hard and agonizingly frustrating. We'd (or I at least, haha) rather have things our way, in our time, in our control.
We are all addicts, merely that some addictions are easier to hide than others.
Many of the homeless are homeless to a certain extend by choice.
Some choices are based on their psychological addiction but many are made out of habit and instant gratification.
This is glaringly obvious in Australia where there's a strong welfare system; most are entitled to around Aud800-1000 per month from the government and yet are still homeless. Most choose to spend their welfare money on drugs, tobacco, alcohol. The youths choose to be on the streets than to be in hostels. Many refuse to go on methadone because they fear they'd be addicted to it and dislike coming to the clinic everyday to be dosed, but fail to recognize the irony that they are on a 500 a day heroin habit and have to shoot up 3-4 times a day.
It boils back to human choices, our human nature to do things our own way.
And no matter how good the social system is or which country you are in, look close enough and you'd find the same pattern.
In KL, one old man I knew was homeless because he ran away from his old folks home. He just couldn't stand the routine and wanted the freedom to do whatever he liked even though it was far more dangerous and dirty to live in bus stations in Klang and Pudu.
Of course it's so easy to look at them and be bewildered on their seemingly dumb choices.
Just like when we read about the Israelites and wonder why would they worship a man made calf having seen God part the sea into two.
Yet I've becoming more aware that I am just the same like the homeless or the Israelites.
I'd rather rest my trust in a piece of paper, people, events, a specialist training spot or all other illusions of security than the God who's unchanging.
And just like the homeless who rather suffer the bitting cold for a shot of H, I too rather meander around, doubt than to rest in God's arms for His best. Because deep down, God's way does at times seem too hard and agonizingly frustrating. We'd (or I at least, haha) rather have things our way, in our time, in our control.
We are all addicts, merely that some addictions are easier to hide than others.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
A night out
The sirens wail while blue and red neon lights flash.
It's hard to distinguish if it's from the garrish signs or from patrol cars.
Outside the clouds of carcinogen wafts through.
You become street smart; the addicts, the girls..it's easier to know who's who now.
A row breaks out.
You just learn to ignore and duck away.
The winter chill wheezes through.
The darkness amplifies the glarring signboards.
We get on the bus.
It's almost like a mission adventure. It's even funny how they call this the outreach bus.
The hours are long. Seemingly frightening at first, but the a sort of mutual understanding between them and the service allays fears. There's no gurantee however, cravings can overtake cognition.
Needles, condoms are distributed.
The ignorant me never knew what were dams, the different sizes of rubber, or even the details of men2men s3x or girl2girl action. Or that the going price for full service was a mere 50.
We take our packs and go by foot. Into the "safe" houses.
The girls mill around, at least it's warmer here. Outside some wait, they must be chilled to the bone in their costumes. I am, in 3 layers while they fight the cold in less than one.
It's almost midnight. I take leave, won't want to miss the bus home.
With the stories I hear and see happening, imaginations must be surpressed as I cross the park alone.
But I arrive home safe and warm.
Again, it's amazing I got this placement because IMU students were not given a choice when the rest were cuz we were extras. While others are doing geriatric rehabs or reproductive, diabetes clinics, I'm dispensing methadone.
It's hard to distinguish if it's from the garrish signs or from patrol cars.
Outside the clouds of carcinogen wafts through.
You become street smart; the addicts, the girls..it's easier to know who's who now.
A row breaks out.
You just learn to ignore and duck away.
The winter chill wheezes through.
The darkness amplifies the glarring signboards.
We get on the bus.
It's almost like a mission adventure. It's even funny how they call this the outreach bus.
The hours are long. Seemingly frightening at first, but the a sort of mutual understanding between them and the service allays fears. There's no gurantee however, cravings can overtake cognition.
Needles, condoms are distributed.
The ignorant me never knew what were dams, the different sizes of rubber, or even the details of men2men s3x or girl2girl action. Or that the going price for full service was a mere 50.
We take our packs and go by foot. Into the "safe" houses.
The girls mill around, at least it's warmer here. Outside some wait, they must be chilled to the bone in their costumes. I am, in 3 layers while they fight the cold in less than one.
It's almost midnight. I take leave, won't want to miss the bus home.
With the stories I hear and see happening, imaginations must be surpressed as I cross the park alone.
But I arrive home safe and warm.
Again, it's amazing I got this placement because IMU students were not given a choice when the rest were cuz we were extras. While others are doing geriatric rehabs or reproductive, diabetes clinics, I'm dispensing methadone.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
A curl
There's just something special in the simplicity of curling up in front of the heater while the rain patters outside, with the guitar and just playing songs that come up randomly. (oh no, is it the cause of the rain? haha)
Haven't heard nor remembered this song for a long long time! But it's the song for this week I reckon after a really weird, fear ridden week (with death, the reminder that I lost another friend that way a few years ago & I prowled the streets alone at 11 pm!).
I have made You too small in my eyes
Oh Lord, forgive me
And I have believed in a lie
That You are unable to help me.
But now, Oh Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong
And in my eyes and with my song
Oh Lord, be magnified (bis)
Chorus:
Be magnified, Oh Lord
You are highly exalted
And there is nothing You can't do
Oh Lord, my eyes are on You
Be magnified,
Oh Lord, be magnified
I have leaned on a wisdom of men
Oh Lord, forgive me
And I have responded to them
Instead of Your light and Your mercy
But now, Oh Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show yourself strong
And in my eyes and in my song
Oh Lord be magnified
Haven't heard nor remembered this song for a long long time! But it's the song for this week I reckon after a really weird, fear ridden week (with death, the reminder that I lost another friend that way a few years ago & I prowled the streets alone at 11 pm!).
I have made You too small in my eyes
Oh Lord, forgive me
And I have believed in a lie
That You are unable to help me.
But now, Oh Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong
And in my eyes and with my song
Oh Lord, be magnified (bis)
Chorus:
Be magnified, Oh Lord
You are highly exalted
And there is nothing You can't do
Oh Lord, my eyes are on You
Be magnified,
Oh Lord, be magnified
I have leaned on a wisdom of men
Oh Lord, forgive me
And I have responded to them
Instead of Your light and Your mercy
But now, Oh Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show yourself strong
And in my eyes and in my song
Oh Lord be magnified
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