Still struggling

the contrast just seems so sharp; having being back and coming to Sydney again.
I don't know if it's just something up with me or that I'm in the wrong place, but I am struggling to connect at church. I guess I'm very Malaysian after all.

And it just gets to me, to hear that my mum's been unwell for the pass 2 days and yet didn't tell me (we talk on the phone or rather VOIP everyday so the omission of information is even more disturbing). I dislike having to find out from other people; yet when I hear it from her myself, I don't know what to say and end up just saying it'd be ok etc.....

It's times like this that I don't even want to evangelize or be a "good" christian, I rather just stay locked up in my room because I can't even hold my life in order......

Do pray for me.
Thanks!