So far...

It started with a 4.5 cm radiopaque mass and a palpable axillary lymph node.
Then it followed with a biopsy result of ductal carcinoma.
Next was tests, tests and more tests.
Frantic phone calls to secure a surgical spot.
Surgery and its wait.
The scars and limitations.

We've travelled far.

Yesterday was the final histopath report and the removal of dressings.

Now there's a 17cm scar.

Jargon ahead. It's aggressive ductal carcinoma and is not estrogen receptor positive. This is not good, removes one option of treatment by hormonal drugs. It's also highly aggressive, with a 3+ rating (on a scale of 1 to 3). Which is why we were very shocked that the lump was cancer as she just had a routine normal scan last December. But there's great news as well.

Despite 2 doctors feeling a lump at the axilla, all 21 lymph nodes removed are clear. That's really a miracle. A miracle I myself in my medical trained mind was very skeptical to pray about because a node was palpable during physical examination. I was just so afraid to pray and set myself up for disappoinment. But I guess God is merciful and gracious and does work miracles despite prayers that are not powerful (mine only la), haha, I know other people did pray and is still praying strongly.

A good thing is that margins are clear, but due to the size of the cancer, slight involvment of deep muscles maybe present, although not inflirating yet. It's great we did the surgery very fast as the mitotic cells are in the early stages mixed with precancerous cells; even though the cancerous cells are at such early stages the cancer is so aggresive to produce a lump of 4 cm within a few months!

Another great thing is that there is no evidence of vascular involvement.

Well, the next step would be treatment options. Most likely to involve chemotherapy and radiotherapy. The hard part would be chemotherapy where the breast cancer survivors who come and visit in our house are telling us the things to expect. Nausea, hair loss..which are things we medical students are aware of. But also other details that we don't really bother to read/memorize...urine turning red, mouth ulcers, bone pain up to 7 years after chemo treatment, severe constipation, confusion and memory loss....the list goes on.

And you sit there and hear the list being rattled off, almost like a PBL, only thing this might happen to your mum soon.

But God's grace is sufficient everyday. There maybe times where everything just seems so so hard, so so unfair. Yet those are the times you cling to God, because there's no one else to turn to. It's unfair to expect my friends to understand completely, although I am very grateful for all your support (I mean, I myself also am at a loss to understand what other people go through in circumstances I've never experienced and am often at lost for words too). But God understands every single minute of this all.

If God was not in this picture, I can't imagine how things would be like.

And in the moments where you discover that, "Hey, if you cry too much till you are dehydrated, your top lip actually cracks." (which is a new discovery for me!)
and that "I never knew humans can have double eyebags" and "Hey I don't look so ugly even with double eyebags" (HAHAHA, yea perasaannya), I am thankful I worship and love a God who has a sense of humour, who's kind and gentle, yet who's all powerful and all knowing.

Plus He loves me too! :)

Continue to pray for us. Every treatment, every decision...God does hear your prayers.