I've complained and sobbed.
Struggled in the mental wrestling match; trying to hit the shadows.
I am ashamed to say that when the test came, I failed.
Abraham Tested Genesis 22
1 Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied.
2 Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."
3 Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about.
4 On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance.
5 He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you."
6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together,
7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?" "Yes, my son?" Abraham replied. "The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?"
8 Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.
9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. 10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.
11 But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied.
12 "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."
13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram [a] caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son.
14 So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided."
Can I really say I love God above all things? Even good things? Good things that are so dear to me?
Can I willingly sacrifice my wants for His will? Even my needs for His will?
Can I say like David, Your love is better than life?
I know the answer. It's ugly.
I've so much more to learn......
1 comment:
it's okay sarah :) He understands our weakness. u know..after my haemato paper, i joyfully (not bcoz the paper was easy..but i was relieved that it was over :) ) went for lunch and then reluctantly went for prayer meeting (just didn't have the mood to go for it..but i went bcoz i know i'd say sorry to Him if i don't go). n joanne shared about Job who still praised God inspite losing everything. i was like, "yeah..i know that..it's a good reminder to me". little did i know that God was going to take something away from me later that day. went out to lepak in sungei wang after that. i still rmb i was happily telling ivy, "today is a happy day..just as i've told u that it will be :)" (to cut the story short...) I LOST MY PHONE in sungei wang! it got stolen by a pick pocket i think. i felt crap after that. i lost everything! (that's pretty much everything to me at that moment :P) all my contacts, sweet msges, bday reminders, a gift from my parrot, together with memories! it just simply hurt...(though it seemed to me quite silly to cry over that..but yeah..i still did) but i was reminded of what joanne said that day..n i guess God somehow prepared my heart to face it (glad i went for prayer meeting..hehe). i realised that i'm holding a lot of things too tightly. from "just" a phone to the people i love. it's not easy to let go but God's grace is sufficient for us :) sarah..it's okay to fail for it's through falls and failures that we learn to pick ourselves up..not with our own strength but with the strength from Him that will be made perfect in our weakness :) He will make everything beautiful in His time :)
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