I've just finished my dinner...after 3 hours of staring at food..with 30 minutes of sleep in between...won't actually eat it, but must because I didn't eat lunch, except a b'day cake in the afternoon. Too tired to eat. (You better not tell mama okay...she'll kill me 100% for not eating and then worry that I'm overtaxing)
Notes are lagging. A lot of other things to be done. The irony, I'm busy because of people, yet I'm too busy to even talk to people properly. What's the use of running around everywhere, yet miss out on people, the very reason I'm running around?
It's not that I don't want to pioritize my time or let go of some things...I knew this would happen even before I started the semester.
I've cut down to the bare minimum. I want to let go of certain things, but I will not drop it until someone else continues on because the needs are just so great. Yes, I can choose to ignore things but can I?
Like Miss Vijaya said to the question "Why should we pray for our campus and families?" The answer, "Can we afford not too?"
No, I cannot and hopefully will not delibrately ignore the needs around me.
Even if it means crying for people. Crying with people. I think I've cried 3 times in one week...and it has nothing to do with PMS okay (Ben Shyen!). No, nothing to do with BGR or exams....(will cry at higher frequencies if due to these things..haha..j/k!)
I am not a saint/matyr who is oh so holy and perfect either.
I'm just a simple person, with a broken heart. Like Joanne said, " we are broken hearts, crying to God to move in our land."
Really hate to tax my committee people too. Who am I to say "press on" , when my own strength is sapped? And no, I'm not out to kill everyone. I'm practical and not callous to their schedules and lives as well. If anyone of you are reading this, seriously, I really don't want to kill you with CF burdens...but we cannot let oppurtunities slip by! Limp with me, if you can't run, because I'm limping as well...but limping nonetherless, by His strength, for His glory.
I just want to crawl under my blanket and sleep and sleep and not think of anything at all!
Every moment I'm awake there are things to be done, people to call, books to be read, needs that must be addressed, prayers to plead...I can't walk in IMU without having my heart gripped for people I see along the way, and yet aware there's only so much I can do and to just pray.
Of course, I fail a lot of times too. Fail to be sensitive to people's needs. Fail to care. Fail to do follow up on new Christians/people interested in God, until people get colder to things (very very bad, don't ever fail this way). Fail to get to know people better.
At the same time, I'm no pastor as well. And I must PASS everything in IMU too...and yes, I do need time out as well (to find a bf...haha...I AM JUST KIDDING!!! :) )
So human, so helpless, that's why You must intervene and move strongly!
If anyone of you see me tomorrow and I start talking again, it means I've recovered. I'm not going to pretend I'm eager to talk if I'm not, so if I talk again, it means I really am sincere... :)
I know I will be okay, by His strength and grace. And a good night's sleep. :)
If of anything, pray not for me first, but for my family, my friends, my CGs, IMU. Of course, it doesn't mean I don't need prayers! (need tons of it)
At the end the day, if I die, it's just me, doesn't matter much.
But Lord, please answer the prayers for my family, friends, IMU, Malaysia, the world before mine.
My needs are nothing compared to the groans and aches everywhere.
Hear Lord! Hear...
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