Dear Lord,
I don't know much theology. I don't know how to pray. Of all the debates; to pray for miracles or to "let God's will be done." Would be praying for a miracle a demand I make to You? Yet if I pray to just let things be, do I lack faith for the impossible? Where does medicine and science merge with the spiritual? Logic and faith?
Am I just seeking Your blessings and not Your face? Would You heal just because I pray in a certain way? Or withold healing just because I didn't pray in "faith"? Would You heal if I promised You certain things? Or am I just an atm christian, only praying for what I want and not what You want? Yet didn't scripture say Ask and you shall receive?
I am only human. I fear my "faith" prayers for healing lack faith and are riddled with doubts. Yet I fear to pray let your will be done, because I really really love my mum. I cannot bring myself to "surrender" completely because I so fear that Your will is to take her away.
I am really tired. After the drama of yesterday.
Lord, don't forget my feet are made of clay. That I am only dust, my faith is miniscule.
YET, yes, YET
Thank You for reminding me that Your love for my mum in 1 sec is far far far more than I can ever love her in my whole lifetime combined.
So if I want the best for her, so want her to be happy, so love her deeply....
won't You love her and take good care of her too?
won't You want the best for her?
And Lord, it's because of this immeasurable love You have for my mum, that I can rest assured and whisper this frightfully hard words....Let Your will be done.
Help me. Help us.
Please, please pray for the surgery to go smoothly tomorrow.
I really don't know how to pray right now, but I'm praying for complete healing and a normal happy life to be returned to my mum because I trust in God's undeserved grace. Until and unless I hear God telling me otherwise, that'll be my prayer. Join me too. Thanks.
2 comments:
hey sarah. u know..i've been experiencing the exact thing as you do..about prayer. Doesn't He know every single word that we are going to say even before we utter it out? and surely He knows what's best and what He has planned for each of our lives..i believe it's a good plan and He'll bring it to completion. well, that pretty much left me with no reason to pray..but i've come to realise that prayer is a way of expressing our love for Him. It's not so much abt what we pray for or how we pray that determines what God would do but it's simply a communication line that connects us to Him. in a relationship, there's a need of communication. and prayer is the way..just talking with Him :) That gave me a reason to pray :) and i hope it does for u :) He understands :)
:)
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