6 months!

Suddenly, I might have 6 months to spare if I go to Newcastle. (Of course it ALL depends if I get matched there but anyway...just tolerate my "perasaanness")

I can hop on board Doulos, go to Cambodia, vegetate at home, fly to Nepal and maybe just make it in time to get married in 6 months! Woo Hoo...(I'm just kidding about the married part K!)
I can't believe this is the 3rd time I'm flirting with the idea of going to Aus!

1 was when Canning gave a scholarship for FY
2 was when UNSW openned a place in Medicine.

3 is now with the PMS matching.

3rd time "lucky"?
Maybe Australia is the dark, handsome bloke that I have always rejected. HAHA. ;)

Grandparents are getting old. 1 hour train ride from their place makes sense to go to Newcastle.
I still don't know.

MMC has "burnt" all the plans on UK.
I still don't know.

Do I want to take the risk with the new UK system?
Or just go to Australia for family?

Dear God up there, please tell me where to go. Thanks!

1 thing I love about Australia...the purple flowered trees. This pic was taken in the University of Sydney where my cousins study. Imagine, going to uni in slippers and shorts with purple flowers blooming! so comfortable & romantic...haha!

1 thing I don't like about Australia, the stores close at .....5 in the afternoon!!!!! But yea, it means the delicious sushi rolls' prices will be sold at a discount from Aus2 a roll to Aus2 for 3 rolls! Yea, cheapskate... :)

Don't envy me, I'd try not to envy you

The grass always seem greener on the other side.

With all the PMS matching talk, all the numbers of PMS cost, compunded with relationship issues everywhere, everyone around me (at least in Sem5 IMU) are getting agitated. Yours truly included.

Some want to go for a particular university because of cost, some because of the significant other, some to fulfill their dreams. Everyone is uncertain about their future, everyone has something they want. No doubt, competition and envy are creeping into friendships.

And it doesn't spare anyone. Each thinks another has a better route, an easier time.

Painfully, I must admit I too have been sucked into the whirlpool of unhappiness and discontentment. Do I trust God? Do I really trust God in all these? I feel that I have been swinging from complete peace to dark frustrating thoughts. And I must say, truthfully, I haven't been as joyful and as peaceful as I would like to be.

Compounded with lectures that end at 6.30 to nearly 7, coupled with early classes that start at 8.30 in the morning...and a ton of lecture notes to go through, plus ball "issue" that I'm not too happy about (no it's not about my dress! Haha..Not that vain le :)) along with the busy pace of CF/CG and trying to be inspiring.

Tying to be a good daugther, a supportive sister, a patient friend, a "inspiring" ahem leader, a good student, a good this, a good that....

I've reached my tipping point.
I just couldn't pretend in front of him anymore on friday. For the first time in IMU history I lost it. In CG some more (not u guys la, not my night cg..hehe)...gasp...(you call urself a christian?)

But no excuses!
I am humbled that I cannot be all I want to be.
I need to rest my eyes.

So it goes back to the question...the almighty question that always lurk behind our minds when the going get though..

Are Christians really happier than non-Christians?
I would say no.

but Christians who surrender and hope in Jesus despite circumstances more happy than non-Christians?
Yes!

I am challenged that the true meaning of being a Christian would be to die to self.
And when I feel off, I must seriously check the state of my diseased heart..
Most of the time, it's not because God is not good or available. More often than not, the question would be, am I tapping into Him? Relying on Him?

*sigh* It's hard to "die" to self...

But if any of you catch me whinning...jolt me up! :)

Faith is being sure of what is hoped for, and certain of things we do not see.

God has a great plan for YOU and for me m1/04s!

MSK

She Looks Too Pretty

Try To Catch Her

Scaphoid Lunate Triquetrum Pisiform
Trapezium Trapezoid Capitate Hamate

Cool yea? Haha.

Life is busy busy busy.

It's a challange to be gracious and kind.

To be patient despite the lack of sleep.

To be understanding.

To be like Him.

Yea, what to do...super imperfect to begin with...haha

Sometimes feel like an imposter.

No, memang am.

Do you know there's a book on "how to be a Christian without being religious"

Hits the spot right on!

10 ppl want to go to Southampton!

16 ppl want to go Manchester!

7+++ Glasgow!

argh.

17 ppl want to go to Liverpool!

12 and more "hidden" people want to go to Dundee!

Plus, maybe about 20-30% others who didn't fill in the prematch.

Everyone is high strung now.

Secretive. Competitive.

But You know best.

Trust trust trust.

truly :)

Rejected....

Today the reply came. Although I already knew before hand,
what the answer was likely to entail,
still I had to ask. At least try.

------

It had been in my mind for a long time

But I only got down to writting it last week

The email.

-------

But it's hard to bring forth everything in carefully worded sentences...

It was unusual no doubt. Yet what other means did I have?

It was almost impossible to call, with his schedule and all.

-------

He was the first choice.

Truly, great things could happen!

If it was in God's plans....

------

The answer confirmed my thoughts.

He couldn't.

Not his fault though.

Just circumstances......

But Lord, it's okay. You know what's best.

-----

........

........

........

........

........

........

Now the search intensifies.

The clock is ticking.

-----

........

........

........

.......

.......

But God I know you'd provide.

The right person.

------

.........

.........

.........

........

Ha! I know what you are thinking..

BUT

This is not a scandalous post! *shakes head* Always have wrong perceptions of me (Cindy Soon!) Haha.. :) Not to be melodramatic or anything..but yea, just got the confirmation that Ps Dr Chew can't be our speaker for CF camp. We knew the chances of getting him was very slim but had to try anyway. I was and is still hoping to get a speaker that has a medical background/connection for this year's camp. But yea, Lord, do provide who you think is best.

yea, it's tuesday nite, and it's 2.04 a.m.

and there's a lot of things about CF that is not done...

explains the raft of CF related posts...

hope i didn't bore my poor unfortunate friends of mine who read this

it's sometimes tiring. tedious.

sometimes i think God chose wrongly.

haha.

but it's a privilage Lord.

A privilage I don't deserve

help me finish this semester

SMILING :)

I know I will miss this once I leave!

Who's Joel?

Read Joel before? Know who he was?
Do you remember what is Joel all about?

Well, my CF's new theme for this semester is from Joel 2:12-27...Repent, Revive, Restore

Honestly it is not an easy theme to carry for the semester..it's even harder to come up with a convincing theme talk. Especially I do not believe in sharing/'preaching' something I myself do not believe whole heartedly. I also try to be careful on what I speak on...don't want to waste people's time or hurt their ear drums or ossicles.

Sin. Repentence. Sacrifice.

Not exactly catch phrases for young blooded university students!
And how would others outside CF believe in this theme as well..?

No doubt it won't be a cherry rose tree and picnic talk or semester..
How do you go about with verses like "Blow the trumpet in Zion, declare a holy fast, call a sacred assembly....Let the priests who minister before the Lord, weep before the temple porch and the altar....object of scorn for the nations..."

Yes, this semester will be solemn and serious.
This semester would also demand a lot.

But indeed, Who can accend the hills of the Lord, except for those who have pure hearts and clean hands.

Help me Lord...Help us!

A day at a time

"....I asked God for strength that I may achieve;
I was made weak that I might learn to humbly obey.

....I asked for riches that I may be happy;
I was given poverty that I might be wise.

....I asked for power that I might have the praise of men;
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need for God.

....I asked for all things that I might enjoy life,
I was given life that I might enjoy all things."
Anonymous

It's heavy.
It's more than meets the eye.

But no complains.
Smile. Smile Smile! :)
Be gracious. Buck up. Go on!
Depend. Hope.
It's in God's hands.
And yea, God has big hands!

Adventures in B-4-8 kitchen

I seldom cook. That's a well known fact. But I was craving for pasta just now; must be the effects of low blood sugar. So this the chronology of my adventure with the pot and pan. Yea yea, reading too much food blogs! Disclaimer: No kitchen was burned down in the making of this photoshoot.

1) Boil the pasta. Ya, I know, authentic chefs don't mix two types of pasta. But I just like variety! Spirals+Angel hair pasta.
2) The ingredients. Love mushrooms so chopped a whole can of button mushrooms! And broccoli...got it cheap, the whole bowl=around RM1.10?
3) Drain the pasta. Run under cold water to avoid sticky pasta.
4) Haha, short cut cheat way, herb and broccoli mix.
5) Add butter, milk, mushrooms and broccoli plus mix. I had problems determining if the broccoli was cooked enough though..cuz I couldn't taste the food while cooking (emm, how do the Malays cook when they are fasting?)..thankfully it was ok..
6) Boil boil boil. And the delicious scent of herbs and cream will waft through.
7) End result! :) Al dente angel hair pasta+spirals+creamy mushroom sauce+broccoli

Total cost? Maybe around Rm4 per plate?
Total time? Emm..around 15 mins tops..

No, I didn't die after eating this. No, no food poisoning either! I'm still alive! :)

Who says medical students can't cook? Haha.

Catch me in a good mood and I'd cook for you!

Oh yea...for those who do not yet to know...FOOD AVENUE IS CLOSING DOWN!
One less source of food for IMU's starving students...

Just a random thought *I felt extra-ordinarily blessed to be in CF last Wednesday* I know it was You!

Random

MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY MUST STUDY
then why am I writing nonsense here?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm now Semester 5! *cough cough cough*

so "old" already

am i going to be forever reading 4 pages notes?

terrible....but unrepentent! haha

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

though i did grumble

it was great fun to crawl in the mud

have egg in hair

do the catterpillar crawl

because it reminded me of You

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm so happy. Watched House back to back.

Why happy? cuz i can delude myself that i'm learning something about medicine

while watching at the same time! haha

that's why i read Robin Cook when i feel guilty about reading non-fiction,

study and relax at the same time mah!

yea, shows how un"rajin" i am when it comes to reading my textbooks

but seriously, watching House can help you remember things!

of course, that's if you'd ever come across such rare and "exotic" cases

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Burdens?

The heavy burden lies not in the position,

Nor in doing the things required,

But in the fear and the realization that I am not doing enough.....

And the fact that I am not good enough anyway

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I love my new glittery slippers! :)

but i don't have a dress for the ball

very lazy to buy..so expensive!

psst..if i reuse would anyone notice?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cindy and David= thanks! Especially for putting up with the grumpy girl

- he's the guy busy smsing-

-she's in pink, learning the guitar-

*DISCLAIMER, sorry yea, I really don't have updated pics of Mr Shark or double pics, so have to post seperately*

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

i realize more & more

that i'm a stranger to my own self

i realize more & more

that being loved by God and loving Him

is a rollercoaster adventure @ romance story @ battlefield

that is never static, always dynamic

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

i realize i write a lot of nonsense when i'm stressed. but it's ok. don't worry bout me.

God will handle it :)

PMS

It brings anxiousness, irritability and even occasionally pangs of jealousy. It descends periodically and wrecks havoc on normally calm people. It causes mad scrambles and the descend of the gloom of uncertainty.....PMS=Partner Medical School. (not pre menstrual syndrome!)

The fever is builing and reaching boiling temperature. By now as March sneaks into the corner, everyone is asking questions on which uni to twin too....How's the weather, how's the accommodation, how's the uni, how's the people there etc....

Some know where they want to go and die die must go to a certain university. I on the other hand don't any preference for any university at all...which can be quite bad because I have to list 26 universities..from 1 to 26...

Of course, a cheaper university would be good. It will lessen the my father's hemorrhaging wallet. And yea, the only reason why I sob* turned down UNSW (which was 2 blocks away from my grandparents' flat) was due to Australia's fluid immigration policy for graduating doctors. Personally, Australia is a wonderful place to stay, great weather, fantastic food...and everyone from family is there. Cheaper too. But they don't really welcome doctors..which explains why my father and his brother are the only ones left in Malaysia.

Father thinks it's best to go to where he studied..(not literally because IMU doesn't twin to UCL and St Georges is sooo expensive!) but around there. Yes, he does allow me to make my own choice, he just merely states what he thinks it's best. My parents in my opinion often trust me excessively and allow me to make too many of my own choices so much so that I'm happy when given the oppurtunity to follow his advice....(I think the grammar of this sentence is terrible but I don't know how to phrase this..haha)

As usual I am "preferenceless" as there's not a particualar university that I would want to go to from that country...each seem to have their pros and cons..

So Lord, haha, You better speak to me on which uni I should rank 1st and so on...
Although I know He can work and bless me in any university I go to, I hope He'd lead me to the ONE where I can be of best use to Him. Plus, God, lead me to the church You want me to go! And of course I would love to go with friends whom I'm closer to from my batch, but then again, I want to be placed with people He wants me to grow closer with. Somehow if it's His will, I want to connect with the Malay girls from my batch....esp if I'm overseas with 1 or 2 of them.... Oh yea, Lord, if I happen to hear wrongly and thus rank wrongly, then You work Your will on the IMU computer ranking too..hahaha...not an expensive uni though..k? Haha.. After all You know best rite?

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. Hebrews 11:8-10

Deviod of God, the best can be the worst, but in Him, the worst can be the best.

Just a note: To clarify, I am not anorexic or on diet...haha...diff ppl have been making diff comments during lunch... :)

Unspoken

..................................................

what's the use.

if it's not for You.

won't bother anymore.

what's the use?

can't even rant a good rant.

self censorship for the unaware.

ah, the fool.

You were, weren't You?

unspoken, unheard.

but yea, it'll be okay.

Somehow. :)