To be a prisoner of hope!

^{Zechariah 9: 12} Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope;
even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you.

With love from IMU

Almost couldn't attend the wedding-only booked tickets 1 week prior to the day...but am so glad I made it to my bestie from IMU's wedding day!
And wow, so reminded about God's hand in crafting the love story of David and Cindy=all retold via David's dad ;)
He is faithful. He is.

Tears of joy

Sounds ironic but I am so happy to have regained the ability to cry-and thankfully at this season, to shed tears of joy when I saw people getting baptized or people being prayed for!

It's a softening of my defensive heart

Righteousness

I never truly understood the value of righteousness and justice-until the events in Malaysia were made public

The powerful decked in extravagant luxuries, with nary a thought for the poor family who cannot afford to eat anything other than egg and rice
Those who take delight in throwing money at boutiques overseas (where one handbag costs at least RM 15000)-robbed from the people who struggle to make ends meet.
The corrupt who speak empty lies-throwing our medical system into disarray while flying overseas themselves least a headache comes around
Those who would kill-snuffle a life of a future father, breaking the hearts of his family-just to amass money they don't even need, to buy million dollar houses overseas, away from Malaysia.
The defenceless brave people who wore yellow, walking in peace only to be bombarred with acid gas.

The anguished cry for righteousness.....

Oh, how precious it is that my God, is a righteous God.

^{Psalm 9: 8} He rules the world in righteousness and judges the peoples with equity.

Psalm 7: ¹⁷ I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness;
I will sing the praises of the name of the LORD Most High.

A new horizon

(taken in IMU/vista where it was one of the great leaps growing in God....but yea, the best is yet to come!)

A hopeful realist

Looking forward to taking on a new job next year
Not because I know heaps (on the contrary-I know nothing!)
Not because I crave titles or achievements (rather be a housewife though that's up to God)
Not because I love exams
And frankly I feel unprepared and unqualified...

Yet I am excited because it's a chance for God to shine!
Haha
To show me that only through Him I can do it
A chance to depend on God more.
And a chance for me to know more about the enduring faithfulness of God

I love heels

..but why are they always uncomfortable!

..have to stick to flat shoes instead

Paradox

Am truly humbled by this....

was reading John Piper's blog about praying that non believers will realize their emptiness especially in the month of fasting...
and realize...hey, I need to realize my own emptiness too!

In a world where I sit in interviews going "and I am dedicated, hard working, passionate about teaching"and how we try to look put together...it's such a paradox to admit or even realize our own emptiness...

but yet how much God's power can be revealed in our emptiness...

So here I am; Sarah, empty apart from Christ.

and thus, another paradox-I don't think I can survive med reg-ing next year....but if God gives me the job; then I am excited, not for the job, but an opportunity to truly be dependent on my knees with God.

Love it!

Jolk-Jog+walk on winter afternoons + listening to sermons

Awesome

Love walking outside~!


It's been a good few days off as part of the 7 days on 7 days off roster.
How God has brought about several revelations.
And how refreshing it is to just walk outside in the cold-wakes me up and makes me feel ironically less cold when I am home.
Feel privillaged at work too-feel like I am being paid to learn. Paid to train (if someday I would be serving somewhere else) What an awesome thought that is!
And how awesome that cheap eats always are yum! Haha

Let's shout it out..

I am proud to be Malaysian.

And with tears flowing as I watch the videos-even recognizing some people in there...
my friends, my pastors...
This is my home. Where I feel most alive.



And Oh, how good the God we serve, who loves Justice and Mercy.
Who desires righteousness! And how precious it is (never realized it until now, righteousness).

Oh lord, you know my burried dreams...it's in your hands...

Discipline

I need to put down my thoughts into words and not just drift along life...

It's such a battle

...to stand firm on the words of God-unwavering, unshaken.

Food for thought

From a sermon:

"We do not follow Jesus because He makes life better,
We follow Jesus because He is better than life...."

Cambodia 2011

Went without expectations
Returned with a renewed spirit that God is indeed real and still working (like duh! but I often perceive God smaller than He is when I am in Sydney)
Didn't learn/do much medically
but blessed spiritually with great team members who share openly and ...
the most exciting thing of all, to see God building a new generation of Khmer students who are passionate for God...

Feeling the post mission blues in my solidatory life in Sydney-esp with during nights!
But holding on by faith that God is the same here too!

A little about my empty handed journey towards Cambodia

When I went to Cambodia with DUMC in 2006, it was and still is one of the most exciting times in my life.

Totally pumped in God,eager and young, looking into ?long term missions. And when they had medical clinics, I couldn't wait to be a real doctor and see patients! treat them, heal them...

A few life changing events happened after that. A different season with God; where lessons were learnt in whispers rather than triumphant exclamation. A new perspective on suffering, a little more insight into understandinging pain.Lost my adoration for medicine as well (along with my snobbishness..which is kind of a good thing).

I realized how naive I was in 2006 when I shared about God's love, never having tasted much pain sharing to those who have suffered so much. I've always hoped to go back, to say the same words, but this time having a little glimpse of understanding about brokenness.

I am going in 2 weeks time and I am totally unprepared.

I realize how foolish I was as a med student-that being a doctor could heal patients. true, we might be able to diagnose some cases, maybe treat a few infections but then what? Our final success rate as doctors is always going to be 100% mortality for each and every patient we treat because no doctor can stop death. We can postpone it, make it more comfortable but ultimately we are not God. (although we are often deluded that we are)

So ya, even though this is a full on medical mission trip-I am going to do kids work too because I really feel it's such a privllage to tell children about God who cares...and am more excited about that than the medical side of things!

God has also humbled me prior to this Cambodia journey. While it may sound so noble and "christian" to go to Cambodia, I must confess-a lot of the motivation to go ties down more to "finding myself" ,"wanting to feel more alive","filling up my time purposefully as a mid twenties girl", "wanting to experience God more"..........in other words "me, me, me"

Not in itself wrong but limiting God to my little corner of expectations.

I realize it should be the other way around-"here I am, God...how do I fit in Your purpose". "what do You have to teach me", and even "how do You want to surprise me" :) He is an exciting, good God after all..haha..

Do pray for us as a team, that yea...ultimately we are going to share God. But ya, having said that, to believe that God can also use medicine and His power to heal physically.

Am looking forward to seeing if my other team members will eat spider with me (tastes like soft shell crab-but warning, do not try the beetles-bad smell!)

Pray for health, safe journey, protection of our families. Pray for the people that we will be meeting-for ultimately it is God who draws people to Him.

Most of all, pray that God's will be done above all.

:)

Adventures of a tenent

1) Sees a letter in the post box on the way to work. Opens it-notice to move in 18 days!

2) Goes to work, maybe still in denial. Forgets about it in the busy ED

3) Comes back, chats to housemate-groan about the packing. We've just moved in and also no longer mobile students; have acquired a fridge, a washing machine, furnitures...argh

4) Peace in midst of unsettledness because somehow am confident God will provide-especially, especially as I have to move before I leave for Cambodia

5) Start to look at rental properties online, starts to feel some panic-prices have increased and not many available around the area

6) Inspects an unit the next day; doesn't look good.

7) Trawl the internet again.

8) By now day 2 night, I am starting to feel unsettled because there is no house to move into. Looks around at all my stuff, so much to pack.

9) Sleeps late. Wakes up feeling foolish: You know what, my God is trustworthy. He will provide.
And it is not a big deal in the scheme of life. Yes we may not have a place to stay-which in itself is not a big problem because we can always bunk somewhere: but what to do with the furniture is a huge problem. But learning to relax with God on this. Remembering stories of my friends in the mission field with bigger uncertainties. Remembering that hey, it's okay. And I will have a testimony to tell out of it. :)

Identity

I thought once I got pass my teenage years with my petty insecurities I would be set for life

So it's a little surprising to suddenly find myself grappling with identity again..not so much now the identity in success/beauty/fame but rather my identity in myself and how I relate to the world and God.

How do I be true to my own introverted self and balance that with intentional relationships/friendships-most which get harder and harder to built as people become adults

How do I make the most of weekends/free time off work-to be around people even though it may tire me or hermit myself up; necessary to recharge but sometimes quite anti social?

My sister

I realize some of my blog posts are quite personal-I've been thinking how open I should be...but I've learnt and have been encouraged by other people's openess in blogs. So, even if that means losing my facade-then so be it.....

On the other hand, I have been blessed to have my sister Sab visit me in Sydney for 3-4 weeks.
Apart from getting to do stuff with her, most of all, it's been great to see her growth in God.
Although 4 years younger, she's much more matured in Christ and in love with people's souls. (where as I still go "woe is me" "why is my life not perfect" blah blah blah)

But of course, it's also fun just to have someone to tease and "bully" around..Hahaha

At times

The view from lying down on the grass next to Maroubra beach

I am all for a godly, healthy single life.
And I know that marraige should not be idealized.

But there are times where singleness is just not fun.
Where there is no one to sit in silence with (I don't know why but that's something I miss-must be my introverted nature).

Today somehow the pang of not being truly heard or sought hit me. But at the same time, I am also strangly thankful for my brokeness-it made me stop to pray, it made me remember to support the single missionaries who have far greater challenges on the field, it made me realize how much I need God.

I don't like it. It's not easy.
But in brokeness I am learning to know God deeper.
To learn that He is more than enough.

Bring in the new year

I come from a family with not much traditions.
We've never really celebrated Christmas/Chinese New year/New Year etc.
Being a busy person, my father's idea of a celebration on a public holiday was to stay at home, maybe watch some TV.
Never really had fancy dinners or big gatherings (not helped by the fact that most of our immediate relatives/grandparents are overseas).

Thus I was not particularly excited when the holiday season rolled around this time.
Had a good Christmas but watched the fireworks on new years eve from home as was working the next day.

And when I was asked by my leader what did I anticipate 2011 to be, I gave a noncommital answer
-truth is, I am not sure.
I, a single girl, have to decide what I want to choose in Medicine, where would I want to stay, would I want to go back to Malaysia?
What about the things I want but cannot plan for? Like family and ministry?
Was totally not excited at all about this new year....

Realized while I was praying, that I probably had no expectations because I was afraid of disappointments that come with dashed expectations.
But God is worthy of that trust, and that even if, even if disappointments come, I have to trust that God is far bigger than them....

and thus, although I am feeling quite melancholic now (more so because I start work again after a public holiday today), I will choose to hope in God....