Newspaper wrapped, lined with transparent plastic tau pau of steaming hot “pak kut wong” (pork ribs)
As a “siew yeh” (supper)
A man, dressed in the white thin singlet and black shorts; coming back at night, asking his children “lei sek” (come and eat) as the small kids hurriedly unfold the wooden brown chairs and crowd round him.
He unfolds the precious bounty. Their eyes light up.
“Lou po, lei sek” he calls out excitedly.
The mother comes out .
She lunges at him and hits him with tears streaming down her face.
“I told you to stop gambling. Why are you gambling again? Why? Why?”
(Obviously I don’t know how to type the rest in Romanized Cantonese without massacring the correct pronunciation)
He shields his arms to soften the blows.
“I didn’t gamble. I promise.” He shouts above the din.
“How did you get the money to buy this? Don’t lie” she shrieks, heartbroken.
“I sold my blood.”
.....
I no longer remember what movie this scene was from. Must have been one of those Cantonese dramas screened over TV2 (ha, so old).
But this scene is still vivid in the head.
So is the memory watching the next table in a hot crowded coffee shop; the middle aged father picking up a piece of chicken with his chopsticks from his plate and placing it at his teenage son’s.
Or the childhood memories of carefully wrapping candy from a party in tissue paper; to be shared with sisters later back home.
How grandmothers or grandfathers who aren’t “western” enough to say “I love you” but lug packets and packets of food whenever they visit.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Sunday, December 24, 2006
'twas the nite before Christmas
It's always been a slight pet peeve for me when some forget to reply msgs or emails.
The reckoning was, it doesn't take less than 2 minutes or 5cents to send a reply.
Which is why it was always a personal policy for me to try and reply everything asap
Delaying/conveniently forgetting felt like a lack of value on the friendships.
And, maybe it's a girl thing, but sending out exam/birthday wishes to the various batches/cg members/cf ppl was rated priority. Sort of like a "hey, it's hasn't flown out of my ear, i do remember what you said and hope you're ok+all the best 4 exams" kind of thing.
Always felt it showed a personalized touch; a small touch, but an effort nonetheless to practice what we talk so much about making cf/cg a place where ppl count.
...but now I find myself in the opposite end where emails pile up unanswered, smses languishing in the in-box. To make matters worst, it's all from dear friends and new contacts from UNSW friends to be.
...somehow I do not know how to answer to the how are yous.
...sadly it also shows a diminishing desire to actually look out for people; to care
...an isolation; the reluctance to hang out...as scary as it is to admit this: because subconsciously envy creeps in when everyone else seem so happy and normal
...and a real fear; that if I struggle to even hang out with my truest friends, how can I endure the superficiality of new friendships in Oz? I'd probably just be locking myself in the room everyday! *shudders* & worst, as a result miss the "opportunity" so many ppl have been prodding about.
...to those who are reading this, sem3s and sem5s God bless for EOS. I've not forgotten ;)
...or the cg even though we haven't been meeting up
...apologies for the non-replies; we'll pick up where we left off when I get better
Prayers for this "terrible don't reply girl Sarah" as her Christmas gift is welcomed.
Take care because I do care even though I'm too sick to say it.
The reckoning was, it doesn't take less than 2 minutes or 5cents to send a reply.
Which is why it was always a personal policy for me to try and reply everything asap
Delaying/conveniently forgetting felt like a lack of value on the friendships.
And, maybe it's a girl thing, but sending out exam/birthday wishes to the various batches/cg members/cf ppl was rated priority. Sort of like a "hey, it's hasn't flown out of my ear, i do remember what you said and hope you're ok+all the best 4 exams" kind of thing.
Always felt it showed a personalized touch; a small touch, but an effort nonetheless to practice what we talk so much about making cf/cg a place where ppl count.
...but now I find myself in the opposite end where emails pile up unanswered, smses languishing in the in-box. To make matters worst, it's all from dear friends and new contacts from UNSW friends to be.
...somehow I do not know how to answer to the how are yous.
...sadly it also shows a diminishing desire to actually look out for people; to care
...an isolation; the reluctance to hang out...as scary as it is to admit this: because subconsciously envy creeps in when everyone else seem so happy and normal
...and a real fear; that if I struggle to even hang out with my truest friends, how can I endure the superficiality of new friendships in Oz? I'd probably just be locking myself in the room everyday! *shudders* & worst, as a result miss the "opportunity" so many ppl have been prodding about.
...to those who are reading this, sem3s and sem5s God bless for EOS. I've not forgotten ;)
...or the cg even though we haven't been meeting up
...apologies for the non-replies; we'll pick up where we left off when I get better
Prayers for this "terrible don't reply girl Sarah" as her Christmas gift is welcomed.
Take care because I do care even though I'm too sick to say it.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Why I should be kicked out of med school...
Something to offset the overly excessive emo-ness of this blog
Was reading through an O & G book when I reached this chapter...
Chapter 30: Uterus Smaller Than Dates.
(in my head-emmm..that's really unusual! What kind of pathological cause can cause the uterus to be smaller than dates?)
Never mind, will read further...
(mentally starting to imagine the uterus size...and the possible causes of uterus smaller than dates.......like seriously, what can cause the uterus to shrink so much! this is really interesting)
so power: using mental imaging while reading somemore...
From book: About 30-40% of cases in the 3rd trimester have uteri smaller than dates.
(so many cases with uterus smaller than dates??? How come I've never heard of this!?)
And so it actually took me a few MINUTES to comprehend that
Uterus smaller than dates actually meant:
Uterus size is smaller than the date of gestational age/date of pregnancy
AND NOT what I thought
Uterus smaller than dates means
Uterus size is smaller than DATES (dates as in the fruit date)!
No wonder I thought it was pretty strange for a pregnant woman's uterus to shrink to the size of a fruit date ...(which would measure 3cm tops)
& was so curious as in to what kind of weird pathology could cause such an unusual thing to happen!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
wait a minute:
now I'm not only an emo person, but in addition a terribly frightening medical student!
haha.
Was reading through an O & G book when I reached this chapter...
Chapter 30: Uterus Smaller Than Dates.
(in my head-emmm..that's really unusual! What kind of pathological cause can cause the uterus to be smaller than dates?)
Never mind, will read further...
(mentally starting to imagine the uterus size...and the possible causes of uterus smaller than dates.......like seriously, what can cause the uterus to shrink so much! this is really interesting)
so power: using mental imaging while reading somemore...
From book: About 30-40% of cases in the 3rd trimester have uteri smaller than dates.
(so many cases with uterus smaller than dates??? How come I've never heard of this!?)
And so it actually took me a few MINUTES to comprehend that
Uterus smaller than dates actually meant:
Uterus size is smaller than the date of gestational age/date of pregnancy
AND NOT what I thought
Uterus smaller than dates means
Uterus size is smaller than DATES (dates as in the fruit date)!
No wonder I thought it was pretty strange for a pregnant woman's uterus to shrink to the size of a fruit date ...(which would measure 3cm tops)
& was so curious as in to what kind of weird pathology could cause such an unusual thing to happen!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
wait a minute:
now I'm not only an emo person, but in addition a terribly frightening medical student!
haha.
Filler
Another reason why IMU is missed...
We're never too afraid to make fun of ourselves, lecturers included!
JPJ's presentation on Friday nite. Didn't go though...
The lecture hall up on the 3rd floor,
That's where we teach you all;
And Mr Student he came by,
To sit-in for a lecture.
He'd had his lunch, a very large lunch,
He'd eaten way too much;
Soon he is yawning, now he's asleep,
And snoring loudly away.
Oh my Sleeping Child, your mouth's so wide,
That you're drooling wild, on your side
There's one reason why,
I'll wake you up Sleeping Child.
If all the students around the world
They had a mind like yours;
We'll have no learning and no brains
There'll be ignorant fools on Earth
If all the Deans and all the parents,
Could see you here this way;
You won't be matched for PMS,
You'll be staying here for life.
Oh my Sleeping Child, your mouth's so wide,
That you're drooling wild, on your side
There's one reason why,
I'll wake you up Sleeping Child.
I'm gonna fire you Sleeping Child.
Send you away from the class so mild
Keep you away from the class,
Away from the class, outside.
Oh my Sleeping Child, your mouth's so wide,
That you're drooling wild, on your side
There's one reason why,
I'll take you out Sleeping Child.
Can't wait for the CF christmas video to be up!
We're never too afraid to make fun of ourselves, lecturers included!
JPJ's presentation on Friday nite. Didn't go though...
The lecture hall up on the 3rd floor,
That's where we teach you all;
And Mr Student he came by,
To sit-in for a lecture.
He'd had his lunch, a very large lunch,
He'd eaten way too much;
Soon he is yawning, now he's asleep,
And snoring loudly away.
Oh my Sleeping Child, your mouth's so wide,
That you're drooling wild, on your side
There's one reason why,
I'll wake you up Sleeping Child.
If all the students around the world
They had a mind like yours;
We'll have no learning and no brains
There'll be ignorant fools on Earth
If all the Deans and all the parents,
Could see you here this way;
You won't be matched for PMS,
You'll be staying here for life.
Oh my Sleeping Child, your mouth's so wide,
That you're drooling wild, on your side
There's one reason why,
I'll wake you up Sleeping Child.
I'm gonna fire you Sleeping Child.
Send you away from the class so mild
Keep you away from the class,
Away from the class, outside.
Oh my Sleeping Child, your mouth's so wide,
That you're drooling wild, on your side
There's one reason why,
I'll take you out Sleeping Child.
Can't wait for the CF christmas video to be up!
Saturday, December 16, 2006
aftertaste
...
plunges
enforces that there must be something wrong/deformed within
...
where's the err?
forgive Lord, because i can't even identify my own missteps
...
so much advice; all not wrong, but all not quite right
...
spinning again
...
"Imagine you can only know one thing in the world," he says, "and that one thing is that you don't know anything." Staff Sgt. Jason Welsh
http://www7.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0612/feature3/multimedia.html
...
0.5, 0.8 wbc
keratin loss
5+ am ER wake ups. twice in 2 days
...
if it's never, obliterate. please.
...
only You
...
it hurts.
...
only You
plunges
enforces that there must be something wrong/deformed within
...
where's the err?
forgive Lord, because i can't even identify my own missteps
...
so much advice; all not wrong, but all not quite right
...
spinning again
...
"Imagine you can only know one thing in the world," he says, "and that one thing is that you don't know anything." Staff Sgt. Jason Welshhttp://www7.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0612/feature3/multimedia.html
...
0.5, 0.8 wbc
keratin loss
5+ am ER wake ups. twice in 2 days
...
if it's never, obliterate. please.
...
only You
...
it hurts.
...
only You
Monday, December 11, 2006
I'm begining to love tears
cuz everything seems more bearable & perspectives become clearer after a good long cry.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
It only takes 24 hours
It's a wonder how fast the perceptions about someone or something can change in the blink of an eye, a fragment of news.
Most of the times unexpected.
For better or for worst.
Like stumbling upon something unexpected, uncomfortable.
Yet in the same day, a small but amazing shift of perceptions.
You know how we vista people often ignore the guards that controlled the electronic gates. Either never truly noticed them or when we did, blamed them for the thefts and incompetence.
Today as Philip was winding the window to pass his driving licence to the guard in Vista B we caught the guard talking on the phone in a language. Joan was asking Philip what he was saying and Philip mentioned that the guard was a nepali.
Just so happened that DUMC was organizing Christmas party for the Nepali workers. The pastor announced in the service to pass flyers to the parking attendants, the labourers or any of the Nepali workers we met. Of course it just flew in and out of my ear immediately, because I didn't really care.
But Joan, a 1 year Christian said, "hey let's pass the flyer to the guard"
Which was a bold suggestion because like I said, I as a former vista person don't really like the guards, preferring to get out of their way, suspicious and afraid they'll trail me to my apartment. Plus she actually remembered the announcement.
And when Philip drove out and passed the flyer to the guard, the guard was amazed and happy that someone would invite him. He mentioned he was a Christian and went to a church in Jalan Alor. He was interested in attending the service, and told us he'd contact the numbers on the flyer.
Funny how we/I don't really care about things that we think have nothing to do with us/me. Yet it could make a difference, no matter how tiny.
Even if eventually the guard doesn't go to the party, at least tonite, he knows that someone cared enough to invite him.
My own changed perception of a guard.
The God of small things.
Most of the times unexpected.
For better or for worst.
Like stumbling upon something unexpected, uncomfortable.
Yet in the same day, a small but amazing shift of perceptions.
You know how we vista people often ignore the guards that controlled the electronic gates. Either never truly noticed them or when we did, blamed them for the thefts and incompetence.
Today as Philip was winding the window to pass his driving licence to the guard in Vista B we caught the guard talking on the phone in a language. Joan was asking Philip what he was saying and Philip mentioned that the guard was a nepali.
Just so happened that DUMC was organizing Christmas party for the Nepali workers. The pastor announced in the service to pass flyers to the parking attendants, the labourers or any of the Nepali workers we met. Of course it just flew in and out of my ear immediately, because I didn't really care.
But Joan, a 1 year Christian said, "hey let's pass the flyer to the guard"
Which was a bold suggestion because like I said, I as a former vista person don't really like the guards, preferring to get out of their way, suspicious and afraid they'll trail me to my apartment. Plus she actually remembered the announcement.
And when Philip drove out and passed the flyer to the guard, the guard was amazed and happy that someone would invite him. He mentioned he was a Christian and went to a church in Jalan Alor. He was interested in attending the service, and told us he'd contact the numbers on the flyer.
Funny how we/I don't really care about things that we think have nothing to do with us/me. Yet it could make a difference, no matter how tiny.
Even if eventually the guard doesn't go to the party, at least tonite, he knows that someone cared enough to invite him.
My own changed perception of a guard.
The God of small things.
Friday, December 08, 2006
In a week
A peak into everyday life
Every morning at 7am
but rather who I want to be, who I will worship...and how will the worship translate into my actions. That when the major is not minored, the minor will be majored easily.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Every morning at 7am
Neighbourhood coffee shop
The few pleasures in life: Newspapers, hot noodles, coffee early in the morning & the bliss of not having to rush through the papers...(newspaper addict)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chemo: 1 down, 5 to go
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Half of my stuff are in Sydney already! Courtesy of my aunts who came to KL.
The irony of life: A featherdown quilt & winter jacket; presents from my aunts last year supposedly for UK life have travelled from Sydney to KL and are now back in Sydney.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While it's easy to laugh at the religious authorities for majoring on the minor; detaining a body, imposing 500 fines on incident dressing when they miss the point of real worship & obedience... how often I forget that I am doing the same thing as well.
I admit I was being judgemental over a seperate issue this week that's none of my business anyway, haha.
But just like it's easier to see the speck in the eye of another instead of the plank in one's own eye; I guess, there's a lesson for myself to learn as well.
That I must watch out. Hold on to principles. Be flexible but not bendable.
but rather who I want to be, who I will worship...and how will the worship translate into my actions. That when the major is not minored, the minor will be majored easily.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Don't trust the emo-ness
I realized I posted a mistake.
If any of you happen to read it..ignore it.
Emotional people at 2.29 am write lots of nonsense.
:)
If any of you happen to read it..ignore it.
Emotional people at 2.29 am write lots of nonsense.
:)
Sunday, December 03, 2006
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