The silence

...has been deliberate

Another surgery has passed, chemotherapy next. Roller coaster emotions. Love hurts. I want to get breast cancer instead.

A hesitancy to share anymore.

Impaired yes, but disabled no.

Impairment: Any loss of abnormality of psychological, physiological, or anatomical structure or function.
Disability: Any restriction or lack (resulting from an impairment) of ability to perform an activity in the manner or within the range considered normal for a human being.

I realize that no matter what I do or how "good" God is, I am emotionally impaired. Things will never be the same again, there will always be a trace of hollowness in the laughter, a blot while watching the blue sea in Sydney, a tinge of pain while passing through the hat section, a stab while reading about breast cancer.

A sigh when there's words, but a silence.

A scary move to the other side of the world, when every thing's so messy at home.

A dark unknown future in the hands of a seemingly unseen God.

Emotionally impaired in most of the areas in my life I hold dear too....

But while an impairment cannot be changed, a disability can be minimized.

Don't get me? Watch this..


The story behind this? The next clip..


I guess I don't know when God will heal my emotional impairments.
But I know like the dad that pushes the son, it doesn't matter if I will be healed eventually or not.

For God is pushing the impaired me; and all that matters is that He's strong enough to push.
He's running the race for me. And I get to finish it with Him. Together.

And to finish means that while I am impaired, I am not disabled.

All this will soon pass.

A new season will come.


I hope.



I trust.

Impaired yes, but disabled no.


(oh yeah, I still have it! I can still remember sem2 Bs notes..haha, J/K..don't know why I suddenly remembered the diff of impairment and disability)