The week has passed by so fast with so many things and events taking place that I have yet "redeem" my sleep debt.
Let me first regrugitate my story on RM50 that I "earned" last Tuesday. Was walking to HSBC to open a bank account. Saw some people with cameras and lights in front of Masjid India and thought they were shooting some documentary on Malaysia. Suddenly, this girl comes up and says "Would you like to answer some questions and we'll pay you RM50?"
Thinking it's some kind of survey where I had to fill in the form, yea, I didn't mind and agreed...
Actually they wanted to ask questions and film on camera. (haha, yea I can imagine you all rolling your eyes and going...so ugly also can appear on TV?)
Well to cut the story short, they are filming a commercial on what will you do if you get RM 1,000,000. For RM50, you stand in front of 2 cameras, and answer a couple of questions regarding money. And if they like your answers, you'll appear on the commercial (airing sometime in April, May?) and get paid RM500.
I knew if I wanted to appear on TV, all I had to do was to give some outrageous 'out of the world' answer on how I'll spend RM 1,000,000 but would I really want to appear on TV saying something frivilous like "If I had RM1,000,000 I'll fill the swimming pool with chocholate and dive into it." Or "If I had RM 1,000,000 I'll go for plastic surgery etc."
The producers specifically told me, they didn't want answers like "I'll buy insurance or I'll save it in the bank or I'll give it to my parents etc kind of answers." They even asked "What is the most self indulging thing you'd do if you have RM 1,000,000?"
So yea, in the end my answers were a mix of my own beliefs and "script written." I did say that if I had Rm1,000,000 I would want to open a homeless shelter in the heart of KL. And to the question "If you had Rm1,000,000 what business will you go into?" I did say that I would want to open a youth centre. I will love to travel round the world to experience different cultures too. And buy a car perhaps? I also said I'll buy a library of books.. :)
But given the kind of questions they ask, I also did say that if I had RM1,000,000 as a teenager, I would hire a popstar band for my birthday...and buy lots of clothes...or send mass SMS to announce to my friends that I won Rm1,000,000. And...buy a flashy sports car..
Okay for one, I don't even really keep up with pop trends/songs or even drive fast, (why would I need a sports car!)...but they ask questions that "twist your arm indirectly" to get answers they want you to say on camera.
Plus, they will certainly cut out the things I personally would do with RM 1,000,000 so if I appear on TV I'll probably end up saying "If I have RM1,000,000 I'll throw an exclusive party and fly my favourite boy band in" instead (Hahaha!)
Yea if you are wondering, I had to sign a contract, so I really have no control over what footage they'll use and what they won't so.......
I rather not appear on TV than to appear as materialistic gal.
(I can just imagine my sister laughing and saying, aiyo you look so ugly and some more give such crap answers. Tell me not to spend so much money,spend wisely blah, blah, blah but go on tv saying you'll fly a pop band in....)
But anyway it was nice to earn RM50 in 15 minutes! hahaha...
Still, it got me thinking if I really had RM1,000,000 will I really use it for myself or for common good? It's easy to say that I'll donate it all away yet retract my words when the crunch comes. Likewise my life, I guess. I can easily say I would want to serve God even when I'm working or go into missions or stay firm in God no matter what happens. Yet, when I'm really faced with choices in the future, will my "idealistic" promises fade away or will I give God what I have promised him, my life and my trust?
So if I really had RM1,000,000 what will I do with it? Pay my PMS IMU fees of course (which unfortunately will reduce the amount drastically!!!), help my sisters on behalf of my parents and use the extra money to send students especially medical students for mission exposure trips overseas. (Oh yea, I had to turn down another oppurtunity to go to Myanmar in April! So many chances and cannot go because of IMU.. :( )
As for my own life, humanly, I know I will fail to live out to my promises and not give God my full trust. Thus I pray for greater sensitivity to God's promptings and His grace to cover me. For as C.S. Lewis says, "We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."
So given Rm1,000,000 what are you going to do with it?
More so, given 1 life. And only 1 master to choose. So many choices. Who will reign?
Will probably write on retreat for the CF blog so CFers if you happen to unfortunately stumble to my blog, visit the CF blog instead... :)
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Monday, January 16, 2006
Sunday readings
Oh no, I have been exposed as a hopeless romantic wannabe! I can't believe myself...for all my inclinations to politics and current issues in the papers, this "heart-warming, human interest story" somehow lingered in my celebrum. This is not the first time I've read this story but the last lines really caught my attention.
The Star Sunday January 15, 2006
The test
JOHN Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn’t, the girl with the rose.
Blanchard’s interest in her had begun 13 months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with its words, but with the notes pencilled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner’s name, Miss Hollis Maynell.
With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II.
During the next year and one month, the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding.
Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn’t matter what she looked like. When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting – 7pm at the Grand Central Station in New York. “You’ll recognise me,” she wrote, “by the red rose I’ll be wearing on my lapel.”
So at the appointed time, he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he’d never seen. I’ll let Blanchard tell you what happened:
“A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose.
“As I moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips. ‘Going my way, sailor?’ she murmured. Almost uncontrollably, I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell.
“She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own.
“And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her. This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful.
“I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment.
“‘I’m Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must by Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me. May I take you to dinner?’
“The woman’s face broadened into a tolerant smile. ‘I don’t know what this is about, son,” she answered, ‘but the young lady in the green suit who just went by begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should go and tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!’
“It’s not difficult to understand and admire Miss Maynell’s wisdom. The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive.”
“Tell me whom you love,” Houssaye wrote, “And I will tell you who you are."
The Star Sunday January 15, 2006
The test
JOHN Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn’t, the girl with the rose.
Blanchard’s interest in her had begun 13 months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with its words, but with the notes pencilled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner’s name, Miss Hollis Maynell.
With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II.
During the next year and one month, the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding.
Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn’t matter what she looked like. When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting – 7pm at the Grand Central Station in New York. “You’ll recognise me,” she wrote, “by the red rose I’ll be wearing on my lapel.”
So at the appointed time, he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he’d never seen. I’ll let Blanchard tell you what happened:
“A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose.
“As I moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips. ‘Going my way, sailor?’ she murmured. Almost uncontrollably, I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell.
“She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own.
“And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her. This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful.
“I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment.
“‘I’m Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must by Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me. May I take you to dinner?’
“The woman’s face broadened into a tolerant smile. ‘I don’t know what this is about, son,” she answered, ‘but the young lady in the green suit who just went by begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should go and tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!’
“It’s not difficult to understand and admire Miss Maynell’s wisdom. The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive.”
“Tell me whom you love,” Houssaye wrote, “And I will tell you who you are."
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Acceptance?
As usual, IMU students have to visit the dialysis centre during their Renal system. I went for my visit last Wednesday to the centre in Hang Lekiu. This centre in Jalan Hang Lekiu is run by NKF (National Kidney Foundation) and gives subsidized treatment to the patients.
Patients with chronic renal failure MUST go for dialysis treatments 3 times a week, 4 hours each time, for the rest of their lives. It's not much of a convenience to sit down for 4 hours each time, having 2 needles 4cm wide poked into you while the machine hums. All your blood goes out to a machine and comes in again. Patients with crf also have to take medication and go for blood tests every month. Plus, they develop a lot of complications like infections, bone disorders, anemia, and embolisms. And...they have to go for operations to harvest ateriovenous fistulas, plus, have unsightly bumps on hands due to the high pressure of blood flowing in and out. Patients have to control their diet and water intake (cannot take more than 500ml water a day, what if you suddenly get very very thirsty and "exceed" your limit of water for the day?). CRF is not curable and patients are "doomed" to dialysis for life unless someone is willing to donate a kidney for transplant. Imagine, one cannot go for holidays, or even drink higher amounts of water and get stuck to a machine 4 hours a day for 3 days a week!
Ok, I'm not here to give a lecture on chronic renal failure. But being the pessimist that I am and the person plagued with depressiveness, I wonder what gives these patients the will to live on?
I saw an elderly Indian man, blind (because of diabetes complications), on dialysis and in a wheelchair unable to walk, and wonder, if I were in that position, won't I prefer to die?
Indeed, as my father said, some patients prefer to die than to be restricted 10, 15 years to a machine until they die.
As the sister was showing us around the centre, she remarked that people often wonder why patients were happy patients, considering they had renal failure. The answer, they accept the position they are in. To these patients, this is just another routine in their lives and they accept that they have to be dependent on dialysis. And she continued to say that educated patients have a harder time coping with the diagnosis of renal failure because they can't accept the limitations and inconveniences of being on dialysis.
It struck me because I chronically struggle to accept circumstances. In some ways it's positive as we must never become to complacent with life or accept our weaknesses without the motivation to change. Yet, at times, God just wants us to accept the circumstances of our lives and depend on Him to go on. Which is a struggle for me, for I always refuse to accept "bad things" and try to "fix" circumstances. So I am leaning to accept that while I may not always know the answers to complexities it does not challenge His sovereignty. Neither when I don't see His power displayed, is His power negated.
Lord, give me the courage to change the things I can,
The serenity to accept the things I cannot,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Of course, it's moments of experiencing humanity; grieving in heart but with sprinkles of hope in relating to patients, that makes all the exams, books, humiliation, self doubt and perplexities of being a medical student worth its while.
Patients with chronic renal failure MUST go for dialysis treatments 3 times a week, 4 hours each time, for the rest of their lives. It's not much of a convenience to sit down for 4 hours each time, having 2 needles 4cm wide poked into you while the machine hums. All your blood goes out to a machine and comes in again. Patients with crf also have to take medication and go for blood tests every month. Plus, they develop a lot of complications like infections, bone disorders, anemia, and embolisms. And...they have to go for operations to harvest ateriovenous fistulas, plus, have unsightly bumps on hands due to the high pressure of blood flowing in and out. Patients have to control their diet and water intake (cannot take more than 500ml water a day, what if you suddenly get very very thirsty and "exceed" your limit of water for the day?). CRF is not curable and patients are "doomed" to dialysis for life unless someone is willing to donate a kidney for transplant. Imagine, one cannot go for holidays, or even drink higher amounts of water and get stuck to a machine 4 hours a day for 3 days a week!
Ok, I'm not here to give a lecture on chronic renal failure. But being the pessimist that I am and the person plagued with depressiveness, I wonder what gives these patients the will to live on?
I saw an elderly Indian man, blind (because of diabetes complications), on dialysis and in a wheelchair unable to walk, and wonder, if I were in that position, won't I prefer to die?
Indeed, as my father said, some patients prefer to die than to be restricted 10, 15 years to a machine until they die.
As the sister was showing us around the centre, she remarked that people often wonder why patients were happy patients, considering they had renal failure. The answer, they accept the position they are in. To these patients, this is just another routine in their lives and they accept that they have to be dependent on dialysis. And she continued to say that educated patients have a harder time coping with the diagnosis of renal failure because they can't accept the limitations and inconveniences of being on dialysis.
It struck me because I chronically struggle to accept circumstances. In some ways it's positive as we must never become to complacent with life or accept our weaknesses without the motivation to change. Yet, at times, God just wants us to accept the circumstances of our lives and depend on Him to go on. Which is a struggle for me, for I always refuse to accept "bad things" and try to "fix" circumstances. So I am leaning to accept that while I may not always know the answers to complexities it does not challenge His sovereignty. Neither when I don't see His power displayed, is His power negated.
Lord, give me the courage to change the things I can,
The serenity to accept the things I cannot,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Of course, it's moments of experiencing humanity; grieving in heart but with sprinkles of hope in relating to patients, that makes all the exams, books, humiliation, self doubt and perplexities of being a medical student worth its while.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Cambodia?
There's an opening to go Cambodia for missions in March...
Cambodia! Cambodia!
The land stained red by Khmer Rouge, where there's great hunger for God. Where people are gracious and according to friends on previous trips, wonderful pork dishes!
but..TIME is again the problem.
Argh.
Cambodia! Cambodia!
The land stained red by Khmer Rouge, where there's great hunger for God. Where people are gracious and according to friends on previous trips, wonderful pork dishes!
but..TIME is again the problem.
Argh.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Genetically
Unfortunately intelligence and hard workingness (is there such a word? ha) are not inheritable...
My father was won the 2nd Barringham prize for Pathology and obtained the certificate of merit for physiology and I cannot comprehend the mechanism of acid-base balance nor, tell a slide of the large intestine from that of the breast.
"Is this the picture of a lung tissue?" Dr Thani or Dr Rahda will point to slide on screen.
"Yes" (the class answers, don't even know what are the blue dots and colours projected)
"Is it a carcinoma?"
"Yes" (yes because we do not know what is it and will say yes to anything you ask us)
"Wrong, all wrong. It's a normal tissue from the liver." (and we forget 1.5 secs latter)
Oh yea. This great.
And trying to conduct sem1 Q and A.
"Is this from myeloid or lymphoid linegae?" sem1
"Oh no, I don't even remember what cells are for which." short term memory sarah.
15 pairs of eyes from sem 1 look and wonder how did she even pass to sem 4.
Talking to sem2 students.
"Do pay attention to subacute and acute rheumatic fever, and the arterial and venous diseases." sarah speaking from experience of the shock of opening the CVS summative paper one year ago.
"What's the difference?" sem2 student asks.
"I can only remember that they are different. And there's something to do with polyarthritis nodosa....and......and..... I don't know anything anymore." (terrible, terrible, terrible)
"so, do you still remember all your basic patho/physio etc from preclinical years?" speaking to Dad about short term memory, hoping to find comfort that clinicians forget somethings after 20+ years since learning the basics.
"of course. These are simple things."
(and I have forgotten everything I've learnt 3 months ago. maybe 20 years later, I would have even forgotten that I studied in IMU)
"I heard in your batch only 3 people got A for sem 3." Junior says.
"I don't even know my batch's statistics or even checked after the exam." sarah
"And 12 got A- and 50+ got B+ and 50+ got B- and 40 failed." Junior reports.
"Wow. I don't even know what happens in my own batch."
"Do you remember my brother's name?"
"Yes yes,of course. It's A." sarah confidently says.
"No, it's Y." (Does not even rhyme or even share the first alphabet or anything to do with the real name.)
"Pray for me as I'm sharing today."
"Okay." sarah
Prays. Prays about many things about him. And forgets to pray about the main thing he asked me to pray for.
Conclusion: If I ever do graduate, please do not consult Dr Sarah Ong. She has short term memory and cannot remember people's names let alone people's illness. So you are warned!
And do forgive me for being forgetful as my white and gray matter in my brain decays at a much much faster rate compared to normal people.
Haha.
On a much more melachonic and ehmm...depressing tone (I'm sorry Eu Pui when you have to read this over and over and over again..Hi there too, and I don't know how you found this because I don't like to publitize esp because I write depressing posts), in a way, God is 'probably' (probably because I'm not sure but I'm sure,haha) answering/has answered the very prayers I made on a very downcast day.
Till today, I find it a sad, funny prayer that was beyond me to even dare to pray in that way. Do I regret making such prayers? I don't know, I am only human after all. Yet, not as I will but as You will. You know it all. How much it matters to me. Yet how much it doesn't matter compared to You. You matter more. Indeed
My father was won the 2nd Barringham prize for Pathology and obtained the certificate of merit for physiology and I cannot comprehend the mechanism of acid-base balance nor, tell a slide of the large intestine from that of the breast.
"Is this the picture of a lung tissue?" Dr Thani or Dr Rahda will point to slide on screen.
"Yes" (the class answers, don't even know what are the blue dots and colours projected)
"Is it a carcinoma?"
"Yes" (yes because we do not know what is it and will say yes to anything you ask us)
"Wrong, all wrong. It's a normal tissue from the liver." (and we forget 1.5 secs latter)
Oh yea. This great.
And trying to conduct sem1 Q and A.
"Is this from myeloid or lymphoid linegae?" sem1
"Oh no, I don't even remember what cells are for which." short term memory sarah.
15 pairs of eyes from sem 1 look and wonder how did she even pass to sem 4.
Talking to sem2 students.
"Do pay attention to subacute and acute rheumatic fever, and the arterial and venous diseases." sarah speaking from experience of the shock of opening the CVS summative paper one year ago.
"What's the difference?" sem2 student asks.
"I can only remember that they are different. And there's something to do with polyarthritis nodosa....and......and..... I don't know anything anymore." (terrible, terrible, terrible)
"so, do you still remember all your basic patho/physio etc from preclinical years?" speaking to Dad about short term memory, hoping to find comfort that clinicians forget somethings after 20+ years since learning the basics.
"of course. These are simple things."
(and I have forgotten everything I've learnt 3 months ago. maybe 20 years later, I would have even forgotten that I studied in IMU)
"I heard in your batch only 3 people got A for sem 3." Junior says.
"I don't even know my batch's statistics or even checked after the exam." sarah
"And 12 got A- and 50+ got B+ and 50+ got B- and 40 failed." Junior reports.
"Wow. I don't even know what happens in my own batch."
"Do you remember my brother's name?"
"Yes yes,of course. It's A." sarah confidently says.
"No, it's Y." (Does not even rhyme or even share the first alphabet or anything to do with the real name.)
"Pray for me as I'm sharing today."
"Okay." sarah
Prays. Prays about many things about him. And forgets to pray about the main thing he asked me to pray for.
Conclusion: If I ever do graduate, please do not consult Dr Sarah Ong. She has short term memory and cannot remember people's names let alone people's illness. So you are warned!
And do forgive me for being forgetful as my white and gray matter in my brain decays at a much much faster rate compared to normal people.
Haha.
On a much more melachonic and ehmm...depressing tone (I'm sorry Eu Pui when you have to read this over and over and over again..Hi there too, and I don't know how you found this because I don't like to publitize esp because I write depressing posts), in a way, God is 'probably' (probably because I'm not sure but I'm sure,haha) answering/has answered the very prayers I made on a very downcast day.
Till today, I find it a sad, funny prayer that was beyond me to even dare to pray in that way. Do I regret making such prayers? I don't know, I am only human after all. Yet, not as I will but as You will. You know it all. How much it matters to me. Yet how much it doesn't matter compared to You. You matter more. Indeed
Monday, January 02, 2006
2006
Dependence. Function: noun1 : the quality or state of being dependent; especially : the quality or state of being influenced or determined by or subject to another2 : RELIANCE, TRUST3 : one that is relied on
because i am so stubborn and so proud at times i think it's only when crisis hits and the sun refuses to peak out from the gloomy skies that i choose to depend on God and on Him alone.
it's terrible knowing my limitations. my race to squeeze time. my inablity to sound confident to even myself as i mouth the words and go with the motions.
Exodus 33:12-23.
truly Lord if You are not going with me, i am not going.
because i don't know how to live life. to balance all the dots. nor the question marks.
self.family.studies.books.growth.change.love.thelackof.movingon?lettinggo.choices.rest.direction.Yourwillcf.cg.church.cgchurch.
mission.interests.christianfriends.nonchristianfriends.timeout.timein.
chillout.grace.firmness. mistakes.travels.wisdom.surrender.
talks.calls.mails.truthfulness.imu?beyondimu? hearkbr/eaks.
smil:)es.funnymoments.profoundlandmarks.tearssss.
laughtilljawhurtstimes.exams.waiting.patiencepatiencepatience.
aMAzement.frusfrusfrustration.camps?trips?retreats?
victory.defeats.hairandclothes(haha).ohyea,weight.simplicity.desicions.
fears.insensitivity.singularity.encouragements.cliches.impatience.
praisesforU.gratitute.takingUforgranted.learningmore?
i really don't know. i'm depending on You! don't let me down. i know You won't.
2006. here we go.
because i am so stubborn and so proud at times i think it's only when crisis hits and the sun refuses to peak out from the gloomy skies that i choose to depend on God and on Him alone.
it's terrible knowing my limitations. my race to squeeze time. my inablity to sound confident to even myself as i mouth the words and go with the motions.
Exodus 33:12-23.
truly Lord if You are not going with me, i am not going.
because i don't know how to live life. to balance all the dots. nor the question marks.
self.family.studies.books.growth.change.love.thelackof.movingon?lettinggo.choices.rest.direction.Yourwillcf.cg.church.cgchurch.
mission.interests.christianfriends.nonchristianfriends.timeout.timein.
chillout.grace.firmness. mistakes.travels.wisdom.surrender.
talks.calls.mails.truthfulness.imu?beyondimu? hearkbr/eaks.
smil:)es.funnymoments.profoundlandmarks.tearssss.
laughtilljawhurtstimes.exams.waiting.patiencepatiencepatience.
aMAzement.frusfrusfrustration.camps?trips?retreats?
victory.defeats.hairandclothes(haha).ohyea,weight.simplicity.desicions.
fears.insensitivity.singularity.encouragements.cliches.impatience.
praisesforU.gratitute.takingUforgranted.learningmore?
i really don't know. i'm depending on You! don't let me down. i know You won't.
2006. here we go.
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