Change

When I was in my early to mid teens, I started realizing something was not quite right with our country when I read Aliran; an alternative opposition newsletter/magazine that my father subscribed.
At that time the opposition (?what opposition..never even knew/read about them in newspapers or was taught anything in school)...was powerless, small.

Aliran used to write about illegal logging, secret deals by ministers, corruption charges etc but I was skeptical; after all nothing was ever reported in the newspapers/tv. Is a random, subscription only-not sold in newstand magazine more reliable than the mighty star or utusan etc.
Of course this was before the explosion of the web and blogs.

I never thought the opposition amounted to much.
Never even really knew them or what they stood for because there was limited access to information.

Then the unthinkable happened. Anwar was sacked (and we were like "huh? did not even know he had a fall out with the PM until the news of his sacking came around).
The momentum grew but it was still never strong enough to translate into much.

Suddenly, 2008 came around. Everyone was shocked, even the opposition themselves!
Who would have thought; Penang, Selangor, Perak ruled by the opposition parties? The race had always been close in Terengganu and Kelantan but never in the metropolition cities.

And now Sibu.
I must say I did not really pay much attention to the by election. Knew bits and pieces from people's facebook wall posts and some biased information on thestar.
But I was just reading a comment made on Malaysiatoday and was struck by this

written by lee utara , May 16, 2010 well done WONG PR DAP I AM CARRYING MY BABY WHEN IHEAR THE GOOD NEWS TEARS IN MY EYES I TELL HIM MAYBE HE DONT UNDERSTAND I SAY SON, YOU HAVE A HOPE MALAYSIAN HAS WAKE UP FOR OUR NEXT GENERATION PROSPEROUS FUTURE WHICH BN HAS JOLLY OFF.GOD BLESS ALL PR THINKING MALAYSIAN, GOOD-NIGHT

The grammar may not be correct etc but.. the comment "a hope for malaysia" resonated in me.
And I remember that I am actually a Sibu born girl.
The Rejang Park 5 million dollar bribe is actually where my grandmother's shop lot is and yes, it has flooded terribly for years and years without the government doing anything and only promising to do something...1 day before the election
(I was so paranoid when I went back last year that I would contract dengue as there was just stagnant water everywhere)

I really dont know if/when/will I go back to Malaysia.

But I know when I watch Lim Kit Siang's election ceramah on youtube, I can understand the mandarin, english and bm that he is saying. And when they talk about kampua mee or duit kopi I get all the slangs. And yes it doesn't mean that the opposition is perfect; but at least a healty democracy ensures the people can choose and that leaders are accountable to the people.

It's a flawed country, but I am still proud to be Malaysian.

Ho hum..

..humans forget so fast. or rather I do..

I remember the terror of exams especially in IMU; somehow exams in Australia are less nerve wercking. Where we fear failing sem 3/5. And pray desperately to God, "I just want to pass"

and now when I am working, I sometimes dread the irritating patients, pushy nurses, busy consultants.

of course, working also makes me realize I am no saint at all.
The impatience especially for patients who are not bothered to go to their GP for their cough but turn up in ED at 3am on a Sunday night.

..then I realize, I am privillaged to be where I am. Not because of my own smartness (of which I am not) but because of the grace of God that I am doing what I am doing..even if it means haggling with patients who refuse to be admitted that they need to be admitted while begging consultants to admit patients who do not need admission but who refuse to leave ED.

Blog reading

It used to be the craze 3-4 years ago, where everyone had and read a blog.
As the years (gasp..sounds so old) have passed by, more and more of the blogs among my friends (including mine) have gathered dust.

But, it is still fascinating for me to read some blogs; where sometimes you can't express or even conceptualize what you are thinking into words and then you chance upon a post by someone who makes you go "aha!" or "guess I am not crazy/alone/weird to think this way too"

And so even though I have less and less to say as I grow older and realize my ignorance, I do hope to still write something down now and again. To think, ponder and rant. To catch my thoughts before they drown in a flurry of daily life.

2 good weekends

How good it is to finally have 2 weekends off.....although I for see that I won't have any for the next few weeks.

Had the privilege to go to the nation wide christian medical and dental annual camp.
Did not have much expectations before I went; was totally flat out from a really bad day in ED and went 1 day late to the camp.

But the bad ED day was maybe God sent; having a great team/consultants previously made me place too much pride in my work. Being humbled in ED just the day before made me more receptive to God. Placing less trust in my work and realizing I do have to rely 100% on God.

While I did not have the typical post camp high, I am a little more at peace with the uncertainity of life. I don't know many things; I probably do not know anything at all. But not knowning doesn't mean that God is not near.

Indeed when you can't see His hand, that's when you have to learn to trust His heart....
it's something I am still working out in my life.