Once upon a time..

...I had a dream, a purpose and passion. I had a dream to be a good doctor, specialize overseas, marry a fellow malaysian and come back to make a difference in the lives of patients in Malaysia. I had a passion for the poor, for those who were rejected by society. I had purpose; I thought it would be really fulfilling to be a doctor and bring love/change in my practice of medicine.

Along the way I left the country. Experienced many things, learnt to be tough. Survived, graduated but...

...I am now a doctor practising in Sydney. Living a fairly comfortable life of privillaged internship. Going to church, then out for lunch, shoping, online, working, sleeping...all good things...

but...my dear friend asked me, how do you think you have changed in the 3 years you've been overseas...

I realized I am more independent but more cold,
less stressed but more uncaring.
surviving but not alive.

I can't see myself living in Australia forever, yet I don't know if or when to go back to Malaysia.
Uncertain, unsure, directionless.

I sound ungrateful, but I still believe there is more to life than this....

Here and there

Working in ED means I am working all weekends and have the weekdays off; of which I have exhausted all the malls to death and feel so bored in the midst of suburban mums and retired pensioners.

Last term was busy mainly because I was moving house (to a far far place called Riverwood at the dangerous wild wild west of Sydney), packing and cleaning the old place when I am not living in either houses but living in the further far far Campbelltown. All while trying to finish a poster that was printed 1 day before I flew of for the conference. (note to self; never do it again). And the house hunting, buying furniture and working weekends and having to go back to my former hospital to get the medical records for the poster on the weekends......

But apart from all the complaints, haha, work has been surprisingly alright; given that I am not gifted in cannulation/blood taking etc.
Plus driving is much much better now; I used to avoid driving at all cost because I was terrified as I never drove in Sydney but the long long drive to far far west hospitals have given me a bit more confidence.

And while all this has been going on, I realize how easy it is to forget about God himself. I was a bit more in tune at the start of the term mainly because I prayed that I will not get into a crash every time I drove or when I was overwhelmed in my surgical term etc etc haha. But increasingly I find myself nonchalant and realize indeed it's true how easy it is to slip into a working routine with God in the periphery. But anyway, that's all for now.




(the poster that I thought would never come to fruitation. wanted to give up even at the last week)