Once bitten, twice shy

It is no secret that dramatic things changed my life in ate 2006.
All of a sudden from being on the forefront of ministry, surrounded by friends, sure and secure in what I felt was my calling in life plus fresh from mission trips, everything came to a screeching halt.

Changes in family, in country, in university, church and friends. Questions about churches and God. About life and desires. Dashed dreams, fearful uncertainties. Weary and tearful nights.

Almost 2 years later....praise God some issues have been resolved; the lost of some things, the gain of others. Along the way, maybe I am a more cynical, more calloused, with less hype and less optimism but hopefully because I've learnt that it is not my own manufactured emotions or even what I feel....but what I choose to still believe in.

I admit, half the time it seems so hard to believe God does have a good plan for my life; not to harm me...not to harm my family. Once bitten, twice shy..I really don't know if patience and good boundaries do "pay off." But ya.........


And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
And I have to say the words I fear the most
I just don’t know

And the questions without answers
Come and paralyze the dancer
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move
Afraid to fall, oh, but fall I must
On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God

And the sky begins to thunder
And I’m filled with awe and wonder
‘Til the only burning question that remains
Is who am I

Can I form a single mountain
Take the stars in hand and count them
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been
Beyond all that will pass

Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge
How unsearchable for to Him and through
Him and from Him are all things

So let us worship before the throne
Of the One who is worthy of worship alone