Once bitten, twice shy

It is no secret that dramatic things changed my life in ate 2006.
All of a sudden from being on the forefront of ministry, surrounded by friends, sure and secure in what I felt was my calling in life plus fresh from mission trips, everything came to a screeching halt.

Changes in family, in country, in university, church and friends. Questions about churches and God. About life and desires. Dashed dreams, fearful uncertainties. Weary and tearful nights.

Almost 2 years later....praise God some issues have been resolved; the lost of some things, the gain of others. Along the way, maybe I am a more cynical, more calloused, with less hype and less optimism but hopefully because I've learnt that it is not my own manufactured emotions or even what I feel....but what I choose to still believe in.

I admit, half the time it seems so hard to believe God does have a good plan for my life; not to harm me...not to harm my family. Once bitten, twice shy..I really don't know if patience and good boundaries do "pay off." But ya.........


And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
And I have to say the words I fear the most
I just don’t know

And the questions without answers
Come and paralyze the dancer
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move
Afraid to fall, oh, but fall I must
On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God

And the sky begins to thunder
And I’m filled with awe and wonder
‘Til the only burning question that remains
Is who am I

Can I form a single mountain
Take the stars in hand and count them
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been
Beyond all that will pass

Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge
How unsearchable for to Him and through
Him and from Him are all things

So let us worship before the throne
Of the One who is worthy of worship alone

Scenes

MSF exhibition in the city...which was a windy day and the wrong day to wear a dress, conned by the sun!
Would have been just another gawk and go exhibition but I think what really made it different/good was the way it was conducted where each field worker will take a group of 10 or so and explain/share their experiences from one exhibit to the other.




Floride 2008. A flower festival in Canberra where this year's theme is Australian Movies.




Coogee to Bondi walk before our big Feast (or rather gluttony) of unlimited plates of ribs, steak, fried seafood and mussels cooked in rich white creamy sauce for $25 per person........and which explains why I am so fat now......haha.




"The choice we often face is not between the good and the bad, but between things that matter and things that matter most." VW

Maybe

..it's not always about "high" experiences, gush-able blog posts or victorious proclamations. Nor "testify-able" moments or even the quiet sensing of his presence.

..it's just to keep keeping on. To believe that there will be a new rain when what was a river is now barely a trickle.

..that God is bigger than what I think or feel. I hope.

And so the holidays start...

...with a sleepless night (no thanks to an undisciplined afternoon nap) and a 12 o clock start the day after! (with the sun streaming down my face)
I particularly dislike waking late because it takes away half the day but I always fail and end up snoozing repeatedly over and over.

As with most holidays, I always vow "I must start revising!"
But experience has taught me this is how it would end up:

The night before "Oh I am so tired now. I'll revise tomorrow"
Next day when the alarm rings "Oh it's holidays, you often don't get to sleep in, you have the whole day to do stuff." Snooze, snooze, snooze.
Wake up "Oh it's time for lunch."
Maybe fiddle around the computer checking emails and stalking facebook...2 hours later...
"Oh maybe you should take a shower"
More fiddling around with blogs, the Sydney Morning Herald and The Star newspaper.
And then probably "Oh it's time to cook dinner"
Perhaps followed by a guilty conscience and a half hearted attempt at studying in the night..
and then "Oh I am so tired now. I'll revise tomorrow"

And so the cycle goes on..probably interspaced with some outings and more eating
but always telling myself "You can catch up with studying later, it's Holidays anyway, you have the whole day to study"

till it's Sunday and I would only have 2 pages of highlighted text to show and the end of holidays!

Here's to hoping for a more productive one this time! (although I won't count on it! haha)

Sometimes in life...

You just need to have some fun....

In the mail today...

...I received a statement from my super fund (which is the Australian equivalent of EPF/pension) ya a sign of aging, so old! haha

...a gift from overseas!

...Coles is selling Wheatbix for $2 which is like more than 50% off, kind of random because I don't eat it but told it to someone who does. haha