We're alike after all

While I've finished my posting at k1ngs cross, there's things to learn from it even now.

Many of the homeless are homeless to a certain extend by choice.
Some choices are based on their psychological addiction but many are made out of habit and instant gratification.

This is glaringly obvious in Australia where there's a strong welfare system; most are entitled to around Aud800-1000 per month from the government and yet are still homeless. Most choose to spend their welfare money on drugs, tobacco, alcohol. The youths choose to be on the streets than to be in hostels. Many refuse to go on methadone because they fear they'd be addicted to it and dislike coming to the clinic everyday to be dosed, but fail to recognize the irony that they are on a 500 a day heroin habit and have to shoot up 3-4 times a day.

It boils back to human choices, our human nature to do things our own way.
And no matter how good the social system is or which country you are in, look close enough and you'd find the same pattern.

In KL, one old man I knew was homeless because he ran away from his old folks home. He just couldn't stand the routine and wanted the freedom to do whatever he liked even though it was far more dangerous and dirty to live in bus stations in Klang and Pudu.

Of course it's so easy to look at them and be bewildered on their seemingly dumb choices.
Just like when we read about the Israelites and wonder why would they worship a man made calf having seen God part the sea into two.

Yet I've becoming more aware that I am just the same like the homeless or the Israelites.
I'd rather rest my trust in a piece of paper, people, events, a specialist training spot or all other illusions of security than the God who's unchanging.

And just like the homeless who rather suffer the bitting cold for a shot of H, I too rather meander around, doubt than to rest in God's arms for His best. Because deep down, God's way does at times seem too hard and agonizingly frustrating. We'd (or I at least, haha) rather have things our way, in our time, in our control.

We are all addicts, merely that some addictions are easier to hide than others.

Pictures

My cousin got married last Saturday.

A night out

The sirens wail while blue and red neon lights flash.
It's hard to distinguish if it's from the garrish signs or from patrol cars.
Outside the clouds of carcinogen wafts through.
You become street smart; the addicts, the girls..it's easier to know who's who now.

A row breaks out.
You just learn to ignore and duck away.

The winter chill wheezes through.
The darkness amplifies the glarring signboards.
We get on the bus.
It's almost like a mission adventure. It's even funny how they call this the outreach bus.

The hours are long. Seemingly frightening at first, but the a sort of mutual understanding between them and the service allays fears. There's no gurantee however, cravings can overtake cognition.

Needles, condoms are distributed.
The ignorant me never knew what were dams, the different sizes of rubber, or even the details of men2men s3x or girl2girl action. Or that the going price for full service was a mere 50.

We take our packs and go by foot. Into the "safe" houses.
The girls mill around, at least it's warmer here. Outside some wait, they must be chilled to the bone in their costumes. I am, in 3 layers while they fight the cold in less than one.

It's almost midnight. I take leave, won't want to miss the bus home.
With the stories I hear and see happening, imaginations must be surpressed as I cross the park alone.

But I arrive home safe and warm.
Again, it's amazing I got this placement because IMU students were not given a choice when the rest were cuz we were extras. While others are doing geriatric rehabs or reproductive, diabetes clinics, I'm dispensing methadone.

A curl

There's just something special in the simplicity of curling up in front of the heater while the rain patters outside, with the guitar and just playing songs that come up randomly. (oh no, is it the cause of the rain? haha)

Haven't heard nor remembered this song for a long long time! But it's the song for this week I reckon after a really weird, fear ridden week (with death, the reminder that I lost another friend that way a few years ago & I prowled the streets alone at 11 pm!).



I have made You too small in my eyes
Oh Lord, forgive me
And I have believed in a lie
That You are unable to help me.
But now, Oh Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong
And in my eyes and with my song
Oh Lord, be magnified (bis)

Chorus:
Be magnified, Oh Lord
You are highly exalted
And there is nothing You can't do
Oh Lord, my eyes are on You
Be magnified,
Oh Lord, be magnified

I have leaned on a wisdom of men
Oh Lord, forgive me
And I have responded to them
Instead of Your light and Your mercy
But now, Oh Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show yourself strong
And in my eyes and in my song
Oh Lord be magnified