Of justice, hope and mercy

Growing up, I was entralled by the stories of men and women who made a difference to the dark places in the world.
Loved reading TIME/Newsweek, newspapers.
Wanted to be a journalist even! haha. To bring to life the stories of the voiceless, the cries of the broken hearted.
Kind of got side tracked with life over the past few years-settling to be comfortable rather than radical.

Yet watching the biography of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, re reading the passages in Isaiah about justice/mercy... am so humbled by his grace of the good life I am living now.
But what about the child prostitutes, the abandon orphans, the cast out.
How and what am I doing here? What am I called to? I don't know...
 

Never groggy!

Woke up groggy pre night shifts-
and the passage of the day was Psalm 121

3 He will not let you stumble;

the one who watches over you will not slumber.

4 Indeed, he who watches over Israel

never slumbers or sleeps

And despite myself

I still find the tears rolling down my cheeks-I thought I was stronger, more prepared, wiser.
....I dislike vulnerability, helplessness
....yet, I resolve to have an easily bruised but soft heart. To be gracious.

....I just wish one day I will be given the opportunity of full freedom to not hold back.

How amazing is God's faithfulness...

ah....

Another 7 nights down

The evil light that draws me at night....

...and I normally do not eat anything but dark chocolate!

Thankful to God for helping me through another 7 nights-to also have patience and humility.

Am getting crappy at my cannulas though

Peace beyond understanding

Current thoughts:
1) How am I going to cope if I really can't drive for 3 months!?!
How am I going to go to work at night-how much time am I going to waste to walk home 30 min everyday. How am I going to go to a busy cardio rotation 45-1 hour away via public transport back in Sydney (when I could have driven for 15 min and arrived!). And I will miss the opportunity to bring my parents to visit and drive around... :(
2) Finding a house to move is such a headache...given I can't drive...I need to be near public transport, but we need at least 2 car spaces-when I can start to drive back. And rent is expensive now!
3) I still long to serve in a more meaningful way at church
4) Am I even ready to study for the exam next year-so unsettled with moving/car/etc etc
5) How am I even going to appeal/go to court/take time to go to RTA in the midst of working and having no car!

HOWEVER,

My Father will take care of me.
And even at the worst case senario-He always pulls through
and even "taking my car privillages" is a gentle nudge to depend on Him more-it is the most gentle way of increasing my reliance on Him....
and it is an opportunity to learn to accept help from others (I find it so hard to ask)
and to really be thankful for my poor housemate who has coped the flak of having to drive me around so much!
and if I don't learn to be flexible now-how can I be flexible next time?
I leave the FRACP to God...way to "chim" for me...

So Lord, peace beyond understanding!

Emmmm

In my desperation to just clear my head-wrote the previous post.
And was drawn to a couple of verses I posted earlier-just such a good reminder

Maybe I should start blogging again-just for myself since no one reads anymore. But to write and declare God's truth despite my unbelief.

Really encouraged by this blog! http://journals.worldnomads.com/me/

I can't but You can

Mark 10: 23 Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God!”24 This amazed them. But Jesus said again, “Dear children, it is very hard* to enter the Kingdom of God.25 In fact, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!”

26 The disciples were astounded. “Then who in the world can be saved?” they asked.

27 Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God.”

Been personally overwhelmed by a few things.

Feeling really dumb at work and inadequate: especially difficult as being someone in charge I do need to gain the respect of the bosses; so that they trust my message over the phone.

Been feeling quite inadequate in my Christian walk as well: If I am taking this up with the view of doing more for God and thus not being able to be as active in the church scene-yet why am I not able to show more love/patience at work. Do I sit an extra 5 minutes just to chat with patients; esp those who are dying? Do I just do the formalities of pall care referrals and wash my hands off

Plus am I truly being pure in my friendships. Do I have ulterior motives in conversations/relationships? Why do I complain so much? Is there a balance between expressions of frustrations and down right gossip? Why am I not rested in my current state?

Ah-and it draws me back again. That indeed-it is IMPOSSIBLE humanly speaking.

SO Lord, help me Lord!

Verse for 2012

⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 4: 7-8