Death

It's really ironic. The last time I went to the commonwealth War Memorial was nearly 10 years ago. Of course, nobody normally visits burial grounds (even though Labuan is small and "boring"). But since Thomas and Man Keat came last week, I took them to all the tourist spots in Labuan. And the war memorial.

It has not been corrupted by the erosion of time. It's still quiet, peaceful with rows and rows of white stones marking the passing of lives. I told myself that I must come once again before I leave for KL.

I went today, on the eve of leaving. In retrospect, it seemed really weird. Because I went alone, at 2.30 p.m. in the hot afternoon sun, and nobody was there at all. I think the drivers in cars passing the memorial must have thought I was crazy to be wandering around a burial ground, alone, while being burnt by the sun.

Okay, maybe I am crazy. But I really wanted to walk and read the words on tombstones that craved the names of fallen soldiers from distant lands, UK, Australia.
Their ages, their ranks, their nationalities.
Most of all, the words that summed up their lives
Just a single sentence for each soldier that represented all he lived and died for, etched below his date of existence to his date of slumber.

Among those I found most profound:
"Into the mosaic of victory was laid this precious piece. Thy will O Lord, not mine"
A wife's words "To the world he was just one. To me, all the world"
"Let those who come after see to it. That his name be not forgotten"
Parents from Scotland "Though you lie in a distant land, one day we'll be reunited again"
"Death divides us. But sweet memories cling on"
"To be with Christ, which is far better"
And my favorite "He hath done what he could"

Crazy Sarah. Thinking about death. Visiting graveyards alone.
But truth is, aren't we all dying? As we live each day?

Maybe I was feeling kind of depressed, knowing that I have to leave and go back. Maybe I was a little disillusioned with everything I am doing.
Yet, being there today, reading the marks of men who died fighting in a land foreign to them, for a cause they believed in reminded me about perspective.

One life to live. That's all. My life may not be significant. But I want to live for You the best I can. So that I can meet You one day and say "I've done what I could"

(Btw, I'm okay. I guess my hyper mode is temporarily off, while my serious mode is on. But yea, still scandalously alive and crazy)

Fallibility

Fallibility,
I'm not perfect,
Nor super in any way,
Fully aware of weaknesses,
Yet running this race,
Limp and all,
Just trying to love You.

Fallibility,
Balance?
Don't want to abandon You,
Can't abandon books either,
2 CGs, 2 Committees, 1 CF, 1 church, 1 Community service,
So many Cs,
Will I choke?
Bitting more than I can chew?

Fallibility,
Rest is not optional,
Exhaustion can kill,
The passion.
Tiredness can blind,
The difference between
Obligation and willingness.

Fallibility,
Don't want to put programs
before people.
Don't want to emphasize,
Numbers before substance.
Don't want to equate being busy
with being effective.
Don't want to touch everything,
yet feel nothing.

Fallibility,
I am.
You're not.
Teach me.
Pick me up.
Sustain me.
Surprise me.
Delight me.
I need You.

Fallibility,
Echoes David,
"Though I stumble,
I will not fall,
For You hold my hand."
I plead,
Hold it tight.
I rest assured,
You have and will.
Forever.

Malay

It's special in my home. Only certain families have it. Not common in IMU at all. Somehow it's more prevelant in Labuan. Some of my friends have it too. Especially those who went to St. Anne and not chinese primary schools. What's it?

Speaking Malay at home.

No, of course not pure Malay. I speak a mixture of English and Hokkien to my parents. But with my sisters it's more like English and Malay. I've never realized it until I came back recently. I find that it symbolizes a level of comfort and familiarity with each other that we have our own favourite Malay phrases that we pepper our English with. And salt with Malaysianized jargon like "lah, bah, etc"

Among the funniest and the most grammatically incorrect phrases we use:

"Crazy, ketawa-ketawa saja, " Serene to Sarah. (the most used phrase around)
"Faster, have to go tution already. Lambat nanti"
"Study la. After fail, baru tahu."
"Hold that thing properly. Don't let it bershake shake."
"Gila. Stop it okay, nanti accident."
"Suka...suka, don't lie la."
"Apa kamu buat di sekolah today."
"Makan lagi la, gemuk baru tahu. Then cannot diet."
"Marah-marah, number one."
"Going up already bah, no need to jerit."

It's even more ironic among my friends.
I was in church talking to my friend from primary school (the same primary school that "taught" us about languages), both of us Chinese.
And he went "Jadi, bila kamu balik KL?"
I answered "Soon. Kamu? Macam mana di overseas?"

So, yea, scandalous is not the only English word that I've misused... :)

Oil

The Star: Oil prices have hit $70 per barrel. Najib says, "we can't afford to subsidize the price of oil." Analysts, "prices may rise to $100."

Oil. I don't drive in KL. The rise does not directly hit my purse, though it may erode it when prices of food, transport and the cost of living increases. A lot of us, (me included) will complain about the rise because we would have less to spend. There would be less for entertainment, mamaking or shopping (for identitial clothes, jk Cindy).

Yet, I'm even more worried for those who are barely surviving to eke out a living. For us (who have the time, resources and education to read blogs), it'll be more of tightening our belts. Yet for many others, it would be akin to a noose tightening around their necks.

If petrol really rises to RM 2, and the restriction of taxi fare increase remains, how would the father explain to his son he can't pay his school fees despite driving all day in the hot sun?

And yet if the fares increase, how would the young, single mother go to work when it's cheaper to stay at home than travel?

Parents who can't afford rising school bus fares?
Pensioners whose income is stagnant?
Workers who cannot get a raise to match the rise?
Families burdened by increasing costs?

When will the breaking point be? When will the economy collapses under the weight of inflation?

Of course, I'm no business expert.

Yet, I'm reminded that such circumstances force us to reflect on our system of trust.
Sometimes it's tragically sad that we place more trust in a piece of paper with the name of a bank printed on it than on the Living God.
For what is secure in this world? Money can burn, diamonds can be lost, cars can get hijacked (in KL at least), houses may devalue (sorry, reading too much on American economy right now) and everything we think gurantees our security can be lost in the blink of an eye.

Of course, I'm not naively "spiritual" to think that money does not matter at all. Yes, I do need money and diamonds (hint, hint..haha).

But at the end of the day, what matters more?

"For I consider all things worthless to the incomparable riches of knowing Jesus as my Lord and saviour. " The words of the man who had it all and gave it all to gain more than all.

teach me Lord.