And so...

..this is crime prone Subang Jaya where today my house was robbed.
It happened so fast, as my mother and relative was unloading groceries and the door was opened. The robber just came in with a parang (large knife) and demanded that she go into the room while he broke open the master room door. After grabbing her handback and handphone as well, he even had the guts to scold the next door neighbour who came out to look at the commotion.

I was not at home at the time but I thank God that no one was hurt as you can never know what such people are up to.
They went to the police station but everyone knows that it's not much of a help, just an official report to use to apply for documents.

This is Malaysia where almost a parallel system exists.
Of privately guarded suburbs (not our house), where snatch thieves flourish and are never caught. Where we are resigned to unsafe neighbourhoods and everyone is either a victim of crime or knows someone who was.

Malaysia

The heavy-ish air hangs down with the humidity of the night.
Picking up The Star and giving a little squeal, even though I have read most of the headlines online. Hearing Malay being spoken.

Is this where I've grown up for most of my life? Feels a little different, can a year do so much?
Yet there is a difference. A softness in the heart for the cleaners in KLIA toilets, the conversation with the taxi driver who works at 5am till 12 pm to make ends meet. The sing-song mix of Malay and English...."kamu dari overseas" "Masuk KL traffic jam"

It's Malaysia. For now, my country.

Another tale

Here's another fun tale to tell..haha

So earlier this year, I brought my sister (5 years younger) to Taylor's College to inquire about college enrollments and stuff. After all, this was my college, 5 years ago. (Notice the repeated emphasis on 5 years).

It was the usual, talking to the college recruitment people, some of the teachers there.

Then one of the teachers said "Oh so will you be also considering attending Taylor's College when you finish secondary school?"---pointing to me. At this point, I was going to enter year 5 medicine.

And then later another person said "Are you her younger sister? What do you want to study when you grow up?"

Oh well, it's good to look young......

and take nutty pictures..

Or maybe my sister just looks matured...haha... ;)

Anaesthetists Hymn

:)

Once you upgrade, you can't downgrade

So in a fit of desperation, I bought a slightly more expensive block of cheese ($4.69) from IGA. Which was yum! But then when I bought another random block of cheese from Coles at $3.69, it was so different! Not as soft, or as salty.... Which goes to say, once you upgrade, you can't downgrade.

Oh the randomness

Things I do during study break...

...took 3 showers today
...countless trips to the fridge
...constant checking of emails...yet procrastinating on sending an important one
...clean the house

tsk

Lala

If only that kid was mine..Lol.. ;)

If there's one person who can make me angry...

Some people have commented that they have never seen me angry before and have even asked me if I ever get angry..

Well, haha contrary to public opinion I do get angry and there's probably atm there's only one person who can really make me angry and that's none other than my sister. But it's not in a bad way that I say this..in fact I think the only reason she can get to me is because she's someone close to me and someone whom I would fiercely protect and thus fight with. Someone I love enough to disagree with.

One of the things I am truly blessed with is a close knitted family..where nothing's a secret and where I still call my mum everyday (yup it's been 6 years since I've left home and it's still the same routine! haha). Which is why reading this extract really struck me in a sad way and brought tears to my eyes. Because if it was my sister I will feel the same way too..

"My sister is ten years old. Every morning at seven she goes to the bonded labour man, and every night at nine she comes home. He treats her badly; he hits her if he thinks she is working slowly or if she talks to the other children, he yells at her. He comes looking for her if she is sick and cannot go to work. I don't care about school or playing. I don't care about any of that. All I want is to bring my sister home from the bonded labour man. For 600 rupees (17 dollars) I can bring her home-that is our only chance to get her back. We don't have 600 rupees....we will never have 600 rupess." Lakshmi, nine year old cigarette roller in Tamil Nadu.
From True Grit, pg 31 on Child Labour.

In the midst of all the complaining about exams and what not, I am thankful that I have 17 dollars.

For more sister fun....

I am a klutz

If those out there are wondering what we medical students do everyday; well we just basically sit and observe lots of things and try not to fall asleep or get questioned because we will not know the answer.

And if those in Malaysia wonder what the Australian medical teaching is like; basically we get sent out to a lot of "touchy-feely" stuff like community medicine and preventative care. It's probably an excuse as to why I am so dumb in medicine but I digress because everyone else in Med knows their anatomy and physiology and pharmacology esp those kiasu Singaporean students (or rather student who like for example knows that RF is actually IgM mediated antibody against IgG antibodies... no offence to the rest of the Singaporean population) AND still can do the touchy feely stuff so it must just be me.

But anyway....
The object of all the detours above was because today I went on a visit to a divison of GP set up and went along with the exercise psychiologist. They had a exercise group for mental health participants in a hall and guess what, your's truly was asked to join.

Now, I am already a klutz IN sports attire...worst in clinical clothes of long pants (thank goodness I wore pants and not a skirt or heels). And I have not played much team sports since leaving high school. Needless to say, it was a disaster where I just ran up and down the court, hoping no one will throw the ball at me because I will definately lose it and trying to just not get my feet stepped on. And that was just basketball.....there was soccer after that (wow how aussie-fied I am, I don't even call it football anymore)....but I shall spare myself the humilation of telling it in cyberspace. Haha.

But I guess this is the touchy feely thing about being a medical student. That even in the midst of the influx of info that I will never remember, (or will remember but lose it just when the consultant asks the question) it is learning to be humble enough to play along and be part of patients' lives. Yup sometimes we are merely furnitures in the consulting room or objects of hazards in the operating theater but it trains us to be patient and acknowledge our inexperience.
Even in the times of being scolded or reprimanded over things we did not get taught; those are times we swallow our pride and learn.

So even between throwing lots of air balls and doing star jumps in pin strip pants, it's a lesson as important as learning about Lacunar syndrome or whatever not.


But of course, if I ever do have children I will make sure they are not subjected to such humilation of klutizness and play more sport!

Sculpture by the Sea

Last saturday was simply a beautiful day; not too hot or cold.
Thankful for the simple things in life

His ways are higher than my ways

And I thank God for improvements, for grace and for cooperation. :)

GP land

Doing GP now has made me realize how good my father actually is.
Over in Australia, there's an exam that must be taken to qualify as a GP and the system is such that medicare covers the bulk of the bill.

In Malaysia, it's so much different. The doctor is just not the doctor; but the pharmacist as well, the practice manager, the accountant, the radiologist, the obstetrician, the pediatrician, the geriatrician. Etc etc. Even more in a small island like Labuan.
See all, do all. No radiologist to interpret Xrays, ultrasounds. He even used to do gastroscopies.
The more I learn medicine, the more I realize I don't know anything and how much my dad does.

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On the other hand, I have a sinking feeling that history might repeat itself but ya. Oh well.

To Have what it Takes

It is by grace you have been saved through faith -- and this not of yourselves, it is the gift of God. Ephesians 2:8 (NIV)

It is 3am and your `bleep' has gone off for the second time in half and hour. You could weep with fatigue, frustration and misery. The human frame is just not designed to cope with the circumstances of a junior hospital doctor. As you mechanically carry out the required task, longing for your bed and sleep, you wonder how you are supposed to survive -- as a person, as a member of a family, and as a Christian.

At times like this, we need to let the living and active word of God speak to our hearts, as it is given to do. This verse can help us. Our salvation does not depend one fraction of 1% on ourselves. It is totally, 100%, the work of God. Planned in eternity by the Father, accomplished completely on the Cross by the Son, who as our representative and substitute died bearing the just punishment for our sins, it is applied to our hearts by the Holy Spirit. Even the faith we exercise is the gift of God; we cannot produce it for ourselves.

So when our spiritual survival seems at stake because we are too tired to pray, too busy to study the scriptures, and too tied to the hospital to attend church meetings and worship, it is good to be reminded that we are saved by grace. Temporary interruptions in our co-operation in God's sanctifying work makes no difference to our justification. That is his work alone, and Christ has done it all for us. A man as well as God, he understands our fatigue and frustration, and says, `My grace is sufficient for you' (2 Cor 12:9). So in the midst of physical and mental exhaustion, let us rest in him and his never failing promises.

My hope is built on nothing less
Then Jesus' blood and righteousness;...
When darkness seems to veil his face,
I rest on his unchanging grace...
When all around my soul gives way
He then is all my strength and stay
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

Edward Mote. From http://www.cmf.org.uk/devotion/devotion.asp?day=18&month=10

Once bitten, twice shy

It is no secret that dramatic things changed my life in ate 2006.
All of a sudden from being on the forefront of ministry, surrounded by friends, sure and secure in what I felt was my calling in life plus fresh from mission trips, everything came to a screeching halt.

Changes in family, in country, in university, church and friends. Questions about churches and God. About life and desires. Dashed dreams, fearful uncertainties. Weary and tearful nights.

Almost 2 years later....praise God some issues have been resolved; the lost of some things, the gain of others. Along the way, maybe I am a more cynical, more calloused, with less hype and less optimism but hopefully because I've learnt that it is not my own manufactured emotions or even what I feel....but what I choose to still believe in.

I admit, half the time it seems so hard to believe God does have a good plan for my life; not to harm me...not to harm my family. Once bitten, twice shy..I really don't know if patience and good boundaries do "pay off." But ya.........


And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
And I have to say the words I fear the most
I just don’t know

And the questions without answers
Come and paralyze the dancer
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move
Afraid to fall, oh, but fall I must
On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God

And the sky begins to thunder
And I’m filled with awe and wonder
‘Til the only burning question that remains
Is who am I

Can I form a single mountain
Take the stars in hand and count them
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been
Beyond all that will pass

Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge
How unsearchable for to Him and through
Him and from Him are all things

So let us worship before the throne
Of the One who is worthy of worship alone

Scenes

MSF exhibition in the city...which was a windy day and the wrong day to wear a dress, conned by the sun!
Would have been just another gawk and go exhibition but I think what really made it different/good was the way it was conducted where each field worker will take a group of 10 or so and explain/share their experiences from one exhibit to the other.




Floride 2008. A flower festival in Canberra where this year's theme is Australian Movies.




Coogee to Bondi walk before our big Feast (or rather gluttony) of unlimited plates of ribs, steak, fried seafood and mussels cooked in rich white creamy sauce for $25 per person........and which explains why I am so fat now......haha.




"The choice we often face is not between the good and the bad, but between things that matter and things that matter most." VW

Maybe

..it's not always about "high" experiences, gush-able blog posts or victorious proclamations. Nor "testify-able" moments or even the quiet sensing of his presence.

..it's just to keep keeping on. To believe that there will be a new rain when what was a river is now barely a trickle.

..that God is bigger than what I think or feel. I hope.

And so the holidays start...

...with a sleepless night (no thanks to an undisciplined afternoon nap) and a 12 o clock start the day after! (with the sun streaming down my face)
I particularly dislike waking late because it takes away half the day but I always fail and end up snoozing repeatedly over and over.

As with most holidays, I always vow "I must start revising!"
But experience has taught me this is how it would end up:

The night before "Oh I am so tired now. I'll revise tomorrow"
Next day when the alarm rings "Oh it's holidays, you often don't get to sleep in, you have the whole day to do stuff." Snooze, snooze, snooze.
Wake up "Oh it's time for lunch."
Maybe fiddle around the computer checking emails and stalking facebook...2 hours later...
"Oh maybe you should take a shower"
More fiddling around with blogs, the Sydney Morning Herald and The Star newspaper.
And then probably "Oh it's time to cook dinner"
Perhaps followed by a guilty conscience and a half hearted attempt at studying in the night..
and then "Oh I am so tired now. I'll revise tomorrow"

And so the cycle goes on..probably interspaced with some outings and more eating
but always telling myself "You can catch up with studying later, it's Holidays anyway, you have the whole day to study"

till it's Sunday and I would only have 2 pages of highlighted text to show and the end of holidays!

Here's to hoping for a more productive one this time! (although I won't count on it! haha)

Sometimes in life...

You just need to have some fun....

In the mail today...

...I received a statement from my super fund (which is the Australian equivalent of EPF/pension) ya a sign of aging, so old! haha

...a gift from overseas!

...Coles is selling Wheatbix for $2 which is like more than 50% off, kind of random because I don't eat it but told it to someone who does. haha

Port call

I remember as a child growing up in the island with no McDonalds, when Doulos paid a visit. It was so exciting to meet the people on Doulos, visit their bunks and join them for a meal onboard.

The next time Doulos came to Malaysia, I just finished SAM, waiting to go to IMU.
The ship did not seem as big than when I was a child.

And now, five years later (it's almost shocking to think that it's been so long since I've left school and how OLD I am now..) it's here in Sydney. Time flies....or mayb I am just OLD.