Exams are finally over..barring resits and the like.
While the outings, eats and shows are great, it's been a time to take stock of the inner heart.
And I admit, it's so far away, so lukewarm.
Where is the passion, where is the vision?
I don't even care that I don't care anymore.
A few years ago, I was so broken because of circumstances.
Today, I am less naive but more cynical.
Tougher but cold hearted.
Happy-ish but joyful?
Anguished?
For the heart of God?
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
There must me more than this...
I've been disappointed to many times to hope anymore...
...but there must me more to life than this life I am living now
...but there must me more to life than this life I am living now
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Euthymic with a touch of dysthymia
Anyway since I am euthymic with a touch of dysthymia in addition to a concentration of zero, I am doing random things. Like baking even though I don't really want to eat, eating even though I am not really hungry, bugging my sister on the phone and watching DVDs while having the book open.
Which makes it a delight to find Doc Martin DVDs in the library. I won't say it's the most exciting TV show compared to CSI, House etc but it's great for a touch of dry humour and mayb reflects my own anti-social personality. And with a touch of medically related information that who knows....might be somehow useful in the exams (or so I tell myself)
I am bored!
Which makes it a delight to find Doc Martin DVDs in the library. I won't say it's the most exciting TV show compared to CSI, House etc but it's great for a touch of dry humour and mayb reflects my own anti-social personality. And with a touch of medically related information that who knows....might be somehow useful in the exams (or so I tell myself)
I am bored!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
And another thing...
The up coming exams are driving me a little mad.
It feels unsettling to be going out, yet it feels restrictive and nausating to be staying home all day. So I often feel unsettled when I am out, vowing to stay in the next day, only to feel terribly unproductive and bored!
In such times I just wish I am a little more extroverted, because my introvertness means I stop talking even more esp in hospitals, with friends. Conversation on my part is always a conscious effort and in times of stress, the real natural self takes over.
It feels unsettling to be going out, yet it feels restrictive and nausating to be staying home all day. So I often feel unsettled when I am out, vowing to stay in the next day, only to feel terribly unproductive and bored!
In such times I just wish I am a little more extroverted, because my introvertness means I stop talking even more esp in hospitals, with friends. Conversation on my part is always a conscious effort and in times of stress, the real natural self takes over.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
More permanacy (or just an excuse to spend money)
I did not have a weighing scale for baking before this. While it did cross my mind to buy one, I always hesistated because at the back of my head was the thought that I did not know if I'll move or stay in Australia. So all this while, I survived by finding receipes that use gave the quantity in cups instead of weight. Sometimes that meant trawlling the web for suitable ones, especially because many cake receipes are in grams etc. And with the butter, I often bought 1 block (250g), and fractionated it to roughly guess the weight. Perhaps that's why my baked goods were never super, haha (just an excuse)
So with the results that I will go to Bankstown Hospital next year (provided I do not fail my exams), I set out to finally buy a weighing scale and a proper muffin tray.
This supposed to be an egg tart, not terribly successful. Haha
So with the results that I will go to Bankstown Hospital next year (provided I do not fail my exams), I set out to finally buy a weighing scale and a proper muffin tray.
This supposed to be an egg tart, not terribly successful. Haha
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Windows..
From Victor's facebook which was taken from this website http://www.fiona.my/2007/12/chinese-their-houses-have-no-windows.html
---
THE CHINESE, THEIR HOUSES HAVE NO WINDOWS
I looked out the window.
And I saw
Thousands and thousands of Malays in the Bersih Rally. They were fighting their own kind for a cause they believed in. And they risk being ostracized by their Muslim brothers. And they risk much.
I looked out the window.
And I saw
Thousands and thousands of Indians holding the picture of Gandhi in the streets. All were teargassed and many beaten with batons. At Batu Caves, they were locked in, pumped with tear gas and sprayed with chemical water. 80 are awaiting trial. 31 are charged for attempted murder of a policeman that attacked them. All their leaders are under ISA. The one that got away fled the country.
I looked out the window.
And I saw
Thousands and thousands of Chinese closing their doors. Minding their own business. Watching the soap operas. Playing mahjong. Going to the gym. Planning for holidays. Eating bah kuet teh. Enrolling their children in private schools. Going for line dancing. Changing to a bigger car. Perming their hair brown. Going to the movies. Shopping.
The Chinese. They don't look out the window.
Their houses.
Have no windows.
______________________
It is because of 3 generations of 'keeping quiet' that we are in a political quagmire of sorts today.
My story may not be the same for others, but it is no doubt a story of 3 generations of political oblivion -a saga of unremitting circumstances that has 'trained' us to look the other way - to economic wealth, education and religion. Politics because a 'dirty word' in our home; as a Chinese we should disengage ourselves completely from this 'unproductive' activity.
This is my story.
My grandfather took a ship to join the gold rush in San Francisco around the turn of the last century. Halfway on a Chinese junk, he got sea-sick, so he jumped ship at Singapore. Traveling up the hinterland, he focused on survival. Hungry from famine in Southern China, he vowed never to be hungry again. Politics was the last thing on his mind. Keeping his belly filled was his only priority. It was an obsession that dictated everything he did.
My father worked for the British. One day, forced by the Japanese to do 'national service', he was selected to look after food supplies. The family was starving during the war, so he stole rice under his care and hid them in sweet potatoes when he cooked rice. Our neighbors always thought we were eating sweet potatoes we grew on the fringes of the jungle, when in actual fact, we always had rice.
My grandmother sews clothes for the women day and night to survive and got paid in Japanese currency. When the war was over, these Japanese notes - which were unnumbered - became valueless. The family again struggled to bring food on the table. It was a litany of hunger and fear in our house.
When it came to my generation, my father thought education was the passport to economic freedom for us. He refused for us to be a contractor like him and forced us to study. In university, he forbade me to get involved in politics. He went as far as to refuse for me to study law so that I would not get involved in politics. I was forced to study a course I did not like because he wanted me to be a banker.
Needless to say, I made the same mistake when it came to my children. I told them also the 'passport to heaven' was also to study. But I refused to dictate what they should study but instead asked them to study what they liked. I ensured they got the best education. I also reminded everyone that they do not talk about politics on the dinner table.
My story is not uncommon; such is the struggle and saga common to thousands of Malaysian homes.
We are cajoled by our parents to look at bread-and butter issues. We are told that politics are not for us. We are told that our 'houses have no windows', so mind your own business and close the door. We are told that if this country is not good enough, you must get a good education and emigrate.
The Chinese? We are told this is not our home. We have no home. We are the Jews of the East. When trouble starts, we ought to look the other way. If it gets worse, we emigrate. Money talks. So long we have money, some country will take us.
100 years of ignorance. Is it blissful? No. It is tragic.
---
THE CHINESE, THEIR HOUSES HAVE NO WINDOWS
I looked out the window.
And I saw
Thousands and thousands of Malays in the Bersih Rally. They were fighting their own kind for a cause they believed in. And they risk being ostracized by their Muslim brothers. And they risk much.
I looked out the window.
And I saw
Thousands and thousands of Indians holding the picture of Gandhi in the streets. All were teargassed and many beaten with batons. At Batu Caves, they were locked in, pumped with tear gas and sprayed with chemical water. 80 are awaiting trial. 31 are charged for attempted murder of a policeman that attacked them. All their leaders are under ISA. The one that got away fled the country.
I looked out the window.
And I saw
Thousands and thousands of Chinese closing their doors. Minding their own business. Watching the soap operas. Playing mahjong. Going to the gym. Planning for holidays. Eating bah kuet teh. Enrolling their children in private schools. Going for line dancing. Changing to a bigger car. Perming their hair brown. Going to the movies. Shopping.
The Chinese. They don't look out the window.
Their houses.
Have no windows.
______________________
It is because of 3 generations of 'keeping quiet' that we are in a political quagmire of sorts today.
My story may not be the same for others, but it is no doubt a story of 3 generations of political oblivion -a saga of unremitting circumstances that has 'trained' us to look the other way - to economic wealth, education and religion. Politics because a 'dirty word' in our home; as a Chinese we should disengage ourselves completely from this 'unproductive' activity.
This is my story.
My grandfather took a ship to join the gold rush in San Francisco around the turn of the last century. Halfway on a Chinese junk, he got sea-sick, so he jumped ship at Singapore. Traveling up the hinterland, he focused on survival. Hungry from famine in Southern China, he vowed never to be hungry again. Politics was the last thing on his mind. Keeping his belly filled was his only priority. It was an obsession that dictated everything he did.
My father worked for the British. One day, forced by the Japanese to do 'national service', he was selected to look after food supplies. The family was starving during the war, so he stole rice under his care and hid them in sweet potatoes when he cooked rice. Our neighbors always thought we were eating sweet potatoes we grew on the fringes of the jungle, when in actual fact, we always had rice.
My grandmother sews clothes for the women day and night to survive and got paid in Japanese currency. When the war was over, these Japanese notes - which were unnumbered - became valueless. The family again struggled to bring food on the table. It was a litany of hunger and fear in our house.
When it came to my generation, my father thought education was the passport to economic freedom for us. He refused for us to be a contractor like him and forced us to study. In university, he forbade me to get involved in politics. He went as far as to refuse for me to study law so that I would not get involved in politics. I was forced to study a course I did not like because he wanted me to be a banker.
Needless to say, I made the same mistake when it came to my children. I told them also the 'passport to heaven' was also to study. But I refused to dictate what they should study but instead asked them to study what they liked. I ensured they got the best education. I also reminded everyone that they do not talk about politics on the dinner table.
My story is not uncommon; such is the struggle and saga common to thousands of Malaysian homes.
We are cajoled by our parents to look at bread-and butter issues. We are told that politics are not for us. We are told that our 'houses have no windows', so mind your own business and close the door. We are told that if this country is not good enough, you must get a good education and emigrate.
The Chinese? We are told this is not our home. We have no home. We are the Jews of the East. When trouble starts, we ought to look the other way. If it gets worse, we emigrate. Money talks. So long we have money, some country will take us.
100 years of ignorance. Is it blissful? No. It is tragic.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Still proud to be from IMU
I think this is old but I just chanced upon it recently and it's hilarious!
I am still proud to be from IMU
I am glad though my sisters are not doing medicine. So much drama with the NSW internship applications, that we might not even know if we get a job till Jan 2010 (because some local students accept multiple offers from different states and simply don't turn up at the different hospitals at day 1). And of course, the exams...
But oh well..life goes on
I am still proud to be from IMU
I am glad though my sisters are not doing medicine. So much drama with the NSW internship applications, that we might not even know if we get a job till Jan 2010 (because some local students accept multiple offers from different states and simply don't turn up at the different hospitals at day 1). And of course, the exams...
But oh well..life goes on
Monday, July 20, 2009
Job..less
So all international students were cut out of the 1st round offer in NSW which makes me officially jobless...until the 2nd round offer (which might mean an unpopular far hospital, interstate or no job?).
But I guess this is time to put what I always mumble should be preached...that we don't just praise God in good times, but especially more in bad times. That my praise is just not dependent on what He does for me, but who He is.
We shall see at round two!
But I guess this is time to put what I always mumble should be preached...that we don't just praise God in good times, but especially more in bad times. That my praise is just not dependent on what He does for me, but who He is.
We shall see at round two!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Que Sarah, Sarah
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Friday, July 03, 2009
An unsmart nerd
I've never been a super medical student, just a normal average one.
And studying medicine can be frustrating at times; so much knowledge to digest.
Someone once described medical school as trying to drink from a hydrant; so much water pouring out that it drowns you.
What I realized recently though is that I am an unsmart nerd.
I have the lifestyle of a nerd; no parties or super happening social life.
Yet I am not smart like a nerd!
So neither am I nerdy and smart=at least I am smart
nor am I average but socially busy=at least there's a social life
unsmart nerd! haha
Anyway it's just a rant because I feel quite inadequate with exams coming up. Not to mention frustrated by the portfolio examination (a written essay with a interview viva on how I've matured as medical student..which sounds fine, but yet they want "proof of evidence" in the form of various extra assignments on ethics, reflective practicioner etc etc etc etc....)
And studying medicine can be frustrating at times; so much knowledge to digest.
Someone once described medical school as trying to drink from a hydrant; so much water pouring out that it drowns you.
What I realized recently though is that I am an unsmart nerd.
I have the lifestyle of a nerd; no parties or super happening social life.
Yet I am not smart like a nerd!
So neither am I nerdy and smart=at least I am smart
nor am I average but socially busy=at least there's a social life
unsmart nerd! haha
Anyway it's just a rant because I feel quite inadequate with exams coming up. Not to mention frustrated by the portfolio examination (a written essay with a interview viva on how I've matured as medical student..which sounds fine, but yet they want "proof of evidence" in the form of various extra assignments on ethics, reflective practicioner etc etc etc etc....)
Friday, June 12, 2009
Cravings
Since I enjoy reading blogs that talk about daily life, food etc etc...thought I might write this.
I almost never eat fast food but suddenly craved chips today.
I was already home, lazy to go out in the dark and cold but just wanted some hot chips while watching my new regular TV program MasterChef (haha).
I did not have any potatoes on hand otherwise I might have been desperate enough to cut them up and fry them myself.
After ummhing and ahhing I saw some pumpkin and decided to have sort of pumpkin baked in the oven.
It did help the cravings and at least it was healthy.
Forgive the pictures, it was from the camera phone. (My camera was stolen last year in Malaysia and thank goodness I did not buy a new one otherwise it would have been stolen too!)
Before going into the oven: A splash of oil, some dried herbs, sprinkling of salt.
Again, another ugly picture but oh well
After: With Salmon, Portuguese sauce and roasted pumpkin...
I had spaghetti pan fried with smoked mussels too...guess my weight loss might be temporal haha!
I almost never eat fast food but suddenly craved chips today.
I was already home, lazy to go out in the dark and cold but just wanted some hot chips while watching my new regular TV program MasterChef (haha).
I did not have any potatoes on hand otherwise I might have been desperate enough to cut them up and fry them myself.
After ummhing and ahhing I saw some pumpkin and decided to have sort of pumpkin baked in the oven.
It did help the cravings and at least it was healthy.
Forgive the pictures, it was from the camera phone. (My camera was stolen last year in Malaysia and thank goodness I did not buy a new one otherwise it would have been stolen too!)
Before going into the oven: A splash of oil, some dried herbs, sprinkling of salt.
Again, another ugly picture but oh well
After: With Salmon, Portuguese sauce and roasted pumpkin...
I had spaghetti pan fried with smoked mussels too...guess my weight loss might be temporal haha!
Friday, June 05, 2009
All in a week
My house was broken into twice
once at 4am
once at 4pm
Scary scary
At least I am able to sleep with the light off last night
Job applications are still lagging because of my stolen laptop
Had a presentation but thankfully I emailed it to myself
Bad skin! haha.
Looking forward to doing nothing today
once at 4am
once at 4pm
Scary scary
At least I am able to sleep with the light off last night
Job applications are still lagging because of my stolen laptop
Had a presentation but thankfully I emailed it to myself
Bad skin! haha.
Looking forward to doing nothing today
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Love the irony
Do you get it? Look carefullyLove the irony but definitely won't want this as my wedding cake
Saturday, May 23, 2009
The "not in" thing..
In my blessed and comfortable Christian life, there are not many persecutions or issues regarding why I believe what I believe. But increasingly as I age (getting old) is the tension of bgr.
This often happens when people suggest other people or when other things come up. Often I cop out and just keep quiet because I don't want to break the camaraderie by saying "I will not date a person who is not a Christian." Or just avoid the awkwardness of saying that by playing safe and doge invitations etc. And the list then goes on to why Christians don't move in together and have the big 3 letter word starting with S before marraige or that dating is courtship and so forth.
It is an issue many people find hard to phantom in this age of free belief and choices. From my own experiences, most people are stunned and even feel "discriminated" against. One friend said that all beliefs are the same and cannot not understand the different value systems Christians have. (It could be in part of my own failure to live like Christ and show the difference He has made in my life).
And the seriousness that we take dating....people often go "but how would you know you want to marry this person unless you've gone out with him/her etc etc etc." Of course we do not always know and yes, sometimes not all Christian relationships end up in marraige but the intention is to avoid the "try before you buy" mindset and honor the other person.
Complicating things futher, other Christians date non Christians and makes all the explaining even more difficult.
Maybe this is one of the prices to pay in following Christ in the context of this generation.
I just hope to do it better rather than dodge under the blanket of silence.
This often happens when people suggest other people or when other things come up. Often I cop out and just keep quiet because I don't want to break the camaraderie by saying "I will not date a person who is not a Christian." Or just avoid the awkwardness of saying that by playing safe and doge invitations etc. And the list then goes on to why Christians don't move in together and have the big 3 letter word starting with S before marraige or that dating is courtship and so forth.
It is an issue many people find hard to phantom in this age of free belief and choices. From my own experiences, most people are stunned and even feel "discriminated" against. One friend said that all beliefs are the same and cannot not understand the different value systems Christians have. (It could be in part of my own failure to live like Christ and show the difference He has made in my life).
And the seriousness that we take dating....people often go "but how would you know you want to marry this person unless you've gone out with him/her etc etc etc." Of course we do not always know and yes, sometimes not all Christian relationships end up in marraige but the intention is to avoid the "try before you buy" mindset and honor the other person.
Complicating things futher, other Christians date non Christians and makes all the explaining even more difficult.
Maybe this is one of the prices to pay in following Christ in the context of this generation.
I just hope to do it better rather than dodge under the blanket of silence.
Friday, May 15, 2009
If only...
Those who have been on call know how much we long for the clock to point to 7 am after a long 12 hour night shift. The anticipation of a shower, meal and bed. Sometimes even feeling smug that I'm done for the day even as the rest of the world wakes up..(haha)
Which is why the verse in Psalm 130 stands out;
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Interesting how the phrase the watchmen is repeated twice, as an added emphasis. Can just imagine the anticipation of the watchmen in changing guard plus the relief that the night has passed without any attacks etc.
I know I don't wait with such an anticipation. I hope to have such a hunger; not merely out of need when problems arise but to learn to delight in the Lord.
Which is why the verse in Psalm 130 stands out;
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Interesting how the phrase the watchmen is repeated twice, as an added emphasis. Can just imagine the anticipation of the watchmen in changing guard plus the relief that the night has passed without any attacks etc.
I know I don't wait with such an anticipation. I hope to have such a hunger; not merely out of need when problems arise but to learn to delight in the Lord.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Vanity!
I am always humbled down when I myself get a cosmetic crisis. As medical practitioners it's so easy to dismiss patients' concerns about the cosmetic effects in the view of more life threatening issues BUT indeed appearances do matter!
A month plus ago I developed a keloid at the back of my ear lobe and freaked out after goggling the pictures online! Although it was not life threatening, in the literature it is not very curable and has a high relapse rate after any modality of treatment. It did cause some anxious moments and yes, it is still there at the moment, but I am thankful to God that it hasn't grown.
I am just so weary that another keloid will develop; this time on the face! I need to see my GP tomorrow! Indeed it is so humbling and makes me repent for judging people when they have body issues or cosmetic surgery etc etc. The holier than thou attitude about others until I myself am plagued with something that keeps me looking at the mirror whenever I get the chance and fretting if it's grown in size....it really keeps things in perspective that I am oh so human as well.
Do pray that no more keloids come up! :(
A month plus ago I developed a keloid at the back of my ear lobe and freaked out after goggling the pictures online! Although it was not life threatening, in the literature it is not very curable and has a high relapse rate after any modality of treatment. It did cause some anxious moments and yes, it is still there at the moment, but I am thankful to God that it hasn't grown.
I am just so weary that another keloid will develop; this time on the face! I need to see my GP tomorrow! Indeed it is so humbling and makes me repent for judging people when they have body issues or cosmetic surgery etc etc. The holier than thou attitude about others until I myself am plagued with something that keeps me looking at the mirror whenever I get the chance and fretting if it's grown in size....it really keeps things in perspective that I am oh so human as well.
Do pray that no more keloids come up! :(
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Can't help it
One of the biggest reasons I don't want to return to Malaysia for internship is my sheer lack of knowledge; especially in terms of practical skills. And O&G in particular requires experience, experience, experience
Over here, my scheduled clinics keep getting canceled because there are too many students both medical and allied health jostling for places-so bad that I can count the number of times I have palpated the abdomens. Turning up for things only to be turned away. I was at delivery suite today waiting but was told to go back home.
It is not such a big deal if I am going to work in Australia because O&G is an optional rotation. But I just do not want to be in the situation as an intern in Malaysia (since it is a compulsory rotation for year 1) at a district hospital getting complicated cases the midwives cannot handle and not knowing what to do. Plus the fact that we don't get taught to do anything at all here, not the suturing, nor the checking of dilatation and are lucky if we get to hold the baby.
I just hope I will be a safe doctor when I graduate at the rate I am going/learning now...
Over here, my scheduled clinics keep getting canceled because there are too many students both medical and allied health jostling for places-so bad that I can count the number of times I have palpated the abdomens. Turning up for things only to be turned away. I was at delivery suite today waiting but was told to go back home.
It is not such a big deal if I am going to work in Australia because O&G is an optional rotation. But I just do not want to be in the situation as an intern in Malaysia (since it is a compulsory rotation for year 1) at a district hospital getting complicated cases the midwives cannot handle and not knowing what to do. Plus the fact that we don't get taught to do anything at all here, not the suturing, nor the checking of dilatation and are lucky if we get to hold the baby.
I just hope I will be a safe doctor when I graduate at the rate I am going/learning now...
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
To the top end
It's a little complicated because I am a medical student but I am also an "employee" of St Vincent's since I work there part time as a RA but anyhow, because our abstract was accepted by the TSANZ, I had the gleeful privilege of being sponsored to go to Darwin for the conference.
(forgive my excitement since I am a poor medical student with not much other "happening" things going on in my life)
The abstract. Okay, not super earth shattering and thankfully my consultant was presenting but ya good excuse to go on a trip.
On tour around Darwin. Darwin is pretty far from Sydney, almost 4 hours by flight. Great for outdoors stuff and the highlight of the tour I took was the jumping crocodiles. The rest like buffolo watching, mangrove swamps etc are stuff I grew up seeing in Labuan (my small hometown) so it was not new.
there's a video where it jumps but I am too lazy to upload on youtube.
My hotel room in Holiday Inn...4 nights become a bit of a drag when you're alone but ya no complaints..
Overall, I would not have flown to Darwin if it wasn't sponsored so it was good to get to see what Darwin is like. Also going to this conference plus the part time job is a blessing from God because it is related to med and pays alright with not that long hours. It was a bit lonely just because there were few if no other medical students around, most were advance trainees and consultants but it's good exposure. It also made me a bit more confident about research work because initially I really thought that our abstract won't be accepted (since I have no experience on how such stuff works) but it actually got upgraded to an oral abstract.
(forgive my excitement since I am a poor medical student with not much other "happening" things going on in my life)
The abstract. Okay, not super earth shattering and thankfully my consultant was presenting but ya good excuse to go on a trip.
On tour around Darwin. Darwin is pretty far from Sydney, almost 4 hours by flight. Great for outdoors stuff and the highlight of the tour I took was the jumping crocodiles. The rest like buffolo watching, mangrove swamps etc are stuff I grew up seeing in Labuan (my small hometown) so it was not new.
there's a video where it jumps but I am too lazy to upload on youtube.
My hotel room in Holiday Inn...4 nights become a bit of a drag when you're alone but ya no complaints..
Overall, I would not have flown to Darwin if it wasn't sponsored so it was good to get to see what Darwin is like. Also going to this conference plus the part time job is a blessing from God because it is related to med and pays alright with not that long hours. It was a bit lonely just because there were few if no other medical students around, most were advance trainees and consultants but it's good exposure. It also made me a bit more confident about research work because initially I really thought that our abstract won't be accepted (since I have no experience on how such stuff works) but it actually got upgraded to an oral abstract.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
The week
started with 6-7 emails at 6am on Monday morning from my supervisor, all urgently needed to be answered as she was giving a talk at lunch time, followed by midwives clinic and a rush to get from clinic-bus-St Vincent's for the talk. The talk was followed by more work as there was still so much more refining to be done.
it progressed with 730 ward rounds and a non threatening but potentially disfiguring health problem that kept me awake, sad and anxious.
in a state of paranoia, another health issue cropped out. While more work needed to be done on top of normal med school stuff. Added to the mix was the potential "no jobs for international students" mantra during information night, along with the possibility that I might leave people I care about behind and the cuddly world of comfortable internship.
I was pretty emotional, tired and strung.
Yet, at the same time some things cleared up like the health issues.
And while it took me awhile to gain back my senses, I am amazed by the reminder that God is faithful in all seasons. That what is impossible with men is possible with God. That God sent me to UNSW in weird circumstances. That he provided a part time job that pays well, is great in the academic sense and a good supervisor. That He spared my life when I was in a terrible accident in KKB a few years ago when the car overturned. That He provided and continues to provide for my family. And many more.
Indeed.
it progressed with 730 ward rounds and a non threatening but potentially disfiguring health problem that kept me awake, sad and anxious.
in a state of paranoia, another health issue cropped out. While more work needed to be done on top of normal med school stuff. Added to the mix was the potential "no jobs for international students" mantra during information night, along with the possibility that I might leave people I care about behind and the cuddly world of comfortable internship.
I was pretty emotional, tired and strung.
Yet, at the same time some things cleared up like the health issues.
And while it took me awhile to gain back my senses, I am amazed by the reminder that God is faithful in all seasons. That what is impossible with men is possible with God. That God sent me to UNSW in weird circumstances. That he provided a part time job that pays well, is great in the academic sense and a good supervisor. That He spared my life when I was in a terrible accident in KKB a few years ago when the car overturned. That He provided and continues to provide for my family. And many more.
Indeed.
Friday, March 27, 2009
So..
We might not get a job in the end? Because of new policies again?
Oh well, too much drama for this week.
In the end, I do hope to live what I try to profess, that God is in control and He is trustworthy.
So ya..
Oh well, too much drama for this week.
In the end, I do hope to live what I try to profess, that God is in control and He is trustworthy.
So ya..
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Long distance relationships...
The funny thing about IMU is that most if not all of us previously from IMU who twinned to partner medical schools all look back and think that those 2.5 years were the one of best years in our lives. It is not the teaching nor the converted shopping mall that we look back fondly upon but the people. The seniors, the juniors and the batchmates-KKB trips, CF and the like.
But of course, it is also a reality that many relationships are tested by the distance.
Different time zones, countries. Differing workloads from super busy at Seremban/US to the super slack UK/Aus.
Over time, the promises to visit another country to meet up with friends fade away due to expensive air fares and minimal holiday times. Emails get shorter until they don't get sent, random bits of information are picked up from facebook home page (at least for me..haha, guilty as charged).
Yet, it is such a treasure when old friendships last the distance and yes, while the levels of contact may change inevitably due to circumstances, I am thankful that my friend and I can still talk at the same level of comfort as before. And to have a special guest from the US! :)
Thank God for friends, friends who last the distance and changes. And for the continuity of friendship that allow us to know where each started of and remind each other the ways God has remained faithful.
But of course, it is also a reality that many relationships are tested by the distance.
Different time zones, countries. Differing workloads from super busy at Seremban/US to the super slack UK/Aus.
Over time, the promises to visit another country to meet up with friends fade away due to expensive air fares and minimal holiday times. Emails get shorter until they don't get sent, random bits of information are picked up from facebook home page (at least for me..haha, guilty as charged).
Yet, it is such a treasure when old friendships last the distance and yes, while the levels of contact may change inevitably due to circumstances, I am thankful that my friend and I can still talk at the same level of comfort as before. And to have a special guest from the US! :)
Thank God for friends, friends who last the distance and changes. And for the continuity of friendship that allow us to know where each started of and remind each other the ways God has remained faithful.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Maybe this is familiar...
"But I am not alone in this. Most of you will by this time have lost a parent, a spouse, even a child. Your hopes for your career have not panned out. Your health has given way. Relationships have turned sour. We all know the dilemma of desire, how awful it feels to open out hearts to joy, only to have grief come in. They go together. We know that. What we don't know is what to do with it, how to live in this world with desire so deep in us and disappointment lurking in every corner. After we've taken a few arrows, dare we even desire?" John Eldredge.
And so 6th year will start soon.
It's not that I am not thankful to be so far along, where each exam has been God's grace in allowing me to pass through. Or that I have paid work with a great supervisor and a free abstract. And thankful for friends and family and people. Okay life with health and food and a place to stay.
It's just maybe, I am too cautious to dream, to wary to be passionate.
Once bitten, twice shy.
I just need to know (not an intellectual know but a heart's knowing) why I am doing this again.
And so 6th year will start soon.
It's not that I am not thankful to be so far along, where each exam has been God's grace in allowing me to pass through. Or that I have paid work with a great supervisor and a free abstract. And thankful for friends and family and people. Okay life with health and food and a place to stay.
It's just maybe, I am too cautious to dream, to wary to be passionate.
Once bitten, twice shy.
I just need to know (not an intellectual know but a heart's knowing) why I am doing this again.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
No need for words
Was just waiting for a meeting and had some time to grab a coffee (which later gave me tachycardia!) and time to day dream/think/read.
The book somehow reminded me of my father and my elective in his clinic. True it wasn't in the UK with the attractions of travelling around Europe, nor in the adventure of Cambodia which was also considered. It was just in simple Labuan and later GH. It was a choice I made because when else will I ever get a chance to be a medical student again under my father.
It was more than just learning about medicine; but to be mentored under my father. Getting the opportunity to be in the same consulting room, see the different patients that present to the clinic. Seeing how hard he works and how busy he is. Later just having dinner at home.
You see my father isn't a man of many words. We talk but definitely not as much as I do with my mum. Yet it was a great time to just be with him, to observe. where no words needed to be spoken.
How I miss the comfort of family now! Just to hang around doing random things that are so basic like watching TV, eating, fighting occasionally... ;)
The book somehow reminded me of my father and my elective in his clinic. True it wasn't in the UK with the attractions of travelling around Europe, nor in the adventure of Cambodia which was also considered. It was just in simple Labuan and later GH. It was a choice I made because when else will I ever get a chance to be a medical student again under my father.
It was more than just learning about medicine; but to be mentored under my father. Getting the opportunity to be in the same consulting room, see the different patients that present to the clinic. Seeing how hard he works and how busy he is. Later just having dinner at home.
You see my father isn't a man of many words. We talk but definitely not as much as I do with my mum. Yet it was a great time to just be with him, to observe. where no words needed to be spoken.
How I miss the comfort of family now! Just to hang around doing random things that are so basic like watching TV, eating, fighting occasionally... ;)
Friday, February 20, 2009
From good ole Talley's
When a disease is named after some author, it is very likely we don't know much about it.
August Bier (1861-1949)
August Bier (1861-1949)
Monday, February 16, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Oh no....
"apperantly"....unless all my family members have conspired....
I....talk in my sleep! :(
Can't laugh at other people anymore for talking in their sleep.
I....talk in my sleep! :(
Can't laugh at other people anymore for talking in their sleep.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
IMU!
The park opposite IMU had a hill where I used to jog up (on the random times where I actually felt rajin enough). During sem3 study break ages ages ages ago, I used to stay up till 7am in the morning, jog, eat hot nasi lemak sold by the pakcik opposite IMU, read my newspapers and then sleep till like 4 in the afternoon. It's not the best for sure..haha
Now there's a 4th story above IMU which used to be our rooftop canteen.
New highway as well and new apartment blocks. And unfortunately the path up to the hill is a bit unsafe with cracks here and there. There's still the nasi lemak thing by the side of the road though with new extensions-chairs and tables!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Friday, January 09, 2009
Musical chairs
So what have I been doing with my holidays?
Every year when I come back, somehow we end up moving house.
This year has been dramatic no thanks to the robbery which made my mother uneasy so we decided to move 2 days after the incident to my "beloved" Vista Commenwealth C where my sister has a room (we were going to move away from Subang anyway but probably only in march 09). Having only 1 small room open, the rest of us slept in the living room. Thankfully the rest of the students were on holidays.
However, they are now back to uni...but in timely providence, my other sister and I are back in Labuan. So although it is still weird that my mum and maid is sleeping in the living room while my sister's housemates are back, we are sort of settled.
Of course it would be inconvenient for the poor students who suddenly have squatters but with God's provision and Eugene's mum's grace, we will soon move to his apartment in Vista B for a few months. Meanwhile my sister's contract at her current apartment ends in February so she will move with us to Vista B...
AND then...we (or rather they as I will be back by then) will move into Vista C to another permenant apartment which we cannot move in atm because it's under contract...................
and meanwhile there are still things in Subang where we will have to move to Vista B temporarily for 1 month before moving it to Vista C
Subang-Vista C-Vista B-Vista C... sums it all up. Phew...haha
Although it's terribly unsettling and have drained me, you know what, we still have a place to stay so ya. God is still gracious. :)
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Blast to the past
I arrived today in Labuan, the little island where spent most of my schooling
years. The small, small place where there used to be no Mc Donalds..until recently where there's a 24hr Mc Donalds at the airport and a 24hr KFC! haha..so jakun.
Despite some of the obvious changes, a lot of it remains the same. The same shops, roads.
My house has deteriorated though; paint peeling, rusting metal...after all it's just been my father alone at home for the whole year.
Looking at the stuff at home, I remember some of the things I used to find fascinating; the lamp that lights up on touch, the miniature figurines that we used to get as birthday presents from friends (but is now to be a dust collector!), the videos my sisters and I used to watch over and over and over...it's almost like travelling through time and acknowledging, yes, God, You've brought me through so many changes.
Changes I never expected, some changes I couldn't wait to happen (like going out of Labuan to study and getting so stressed at Pre U that I thought I would fail and just come back and be a nurse at my father's clinic! haha). Painful changes, treasured changes.
In the end, some things I used to love I will find no use for.
And somethings that I never realize its importance will surprise me with its lasting qualities.
Anyway in the meantime..my sister and I might just drive pass McD at 3am..just to satisfy my burning curiosity "Who on earth goes to McDonalds Labuan at 3am!?!?!" haha....
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
And so...
..this is crime prone Subang Jaya where today my house was robbed.
It happened so fast, as my mother and relative was unloading groceries and the door was opened. The robber just came in with a parang (large knife) and demanded that she go into the room while he broke open the master room door. After grabbing her handback and handphone as well, he even had the guts to scold the next door neighbour who came out to look at the commotion.
I was not at home at the time but I thank God that no one was hurt as you can never know what such people are up to.
They went to the police station but everyone knows that it's not much of a help, just an official report to use to apply for documents.
This is Malaysia where almost a parallel system exists.
Of privately guarded suburbs (not our house), where snatch thieves flourish and are never caught. Where we are resigned to unsafe neighbourhoods and everyone is either a victim of crime or knows someone who was.
It happened so fast, as my mother and relative was unloading groceries and the door was opened. The robber just came in with a parang (large knife) and demanded that she go into the room while he broke open the master room door. After grabbing her handback and handphone as well, he even had the guts to scold the next door neighbour who came out to look at the commotion.
I was not at home at the time but I thank God that no one was hurt as you can never know what such people are up to.
They went to the police station but everyone knows that it's not much of a help, just an official report to use to apply for documents.
This is Malaysia where almost a parallel system exists.
Of privately guarded suburbs (not our house), where snatch thieves flourish and are never caught. Where we are resigned to unsafe neighbourhoods and everyone is either a victim of crime or knows someone who was.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Malaysia
The heavy-ish air hangs down with the humidity of the night.
Picking up The Star and giving a little squeal, even though I have read most of the headlines online. Hearing Malay being spoken.
Is this where I've grown up for most of my life? Feels a little different, can a year do so much?
Yet there is a difference. A softness in the heart for the cleaners in KLIA toilets, the conversation with the taxi driver who works at 5am till 12 pm to make ends meet. The sing-song mix of Malay and English...."kamu dari overseas" "Masuk KL traffic jam"
It's Malaysia. For now, my country.
Picking up The Star and giving a little squeal, even though I have read most of the headlines online. Hearing Malay being spoken.
Is this where I've grown up for most of my life? Feels a little different, can a year do so much?
Yet there is a difference. A softness in the heart for the cleaners in KLIA toilets, the conversation with the taxi driver who works at 5am till 12 pm to make ends meet. The sing-song mix of Malay and English...."kamu dari overseas" "Masuk KL traffic jam"
It's Malaysia. For now, my country.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Another tale
Here's another fun tale to tell..haha
So earlier this year, I brought my sister (5 years younger) to Taylor's College to inquire about college enrollments and stuff. After all, this was my college, 5 years ago. (Notice the repeated emphasis on 5 years).
It was the usual, talking to the college recruitment people, some of the teachers there.
Then one of the teachers said "Oh so will you be also considering attending Taylor's College when you finish secondary school?"---pointing to me. At this point, I was going to enter year 5 medicine.
And then later another person said "Are you her younger sister? What do you want to study when you grow up?"
Oh well, it's good to look young......
and take nutty pictures..
Or maybe my sister just looks matured...haha... ;)
So earlier this year, I brought my sister (5 years younger) to Taylor's College to inquire about college enrollments and stuff. After all, this was my college, 5 years ago. (Notice the repeated emphasis on 5 years).
It was the usual, talking to the college recruitment people, some of the teachers there.
Then one of the teachers said "Oh so will you be also considering attending Taylor's College when you finish secondary school?"---pointing to me. At this point, I was going to enter year 5 medicine.
And then later another person said "Are you her younger sister? What do you want to study when you grow up?"
Oh well, it's good to look young......
and take nutty pictures..
Or maybe my sister just looks matured...haha... ;)
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Once you upgrade, you can't downgrade
So in a fit of desperation, I bought a slightly more expensive block of cheese ($4.69) from IGA. Which was yum! But then when I bought another random block of cheese from Coles at $3.69, it was so different! Not as soft, or as salty.... Which goes to say, once you upgrade, you can't downgrade.
Oh the randomness
Oh the randomness
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Things I do during study break...
...took 3 showers today
...countless trips to the fridge
...constant checking of emails...yet procrastinating on sending an important one
...clean the house
tsk
...countless trips to the fridge
...constant checking of emails...yet procrastinating on sending an important one
...clean the house
tsk
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
If there's one person who can make me angry...
Some people have commented that they have never seen me angry before and have even asked me if I ever get angry..
Well, haha contrary to public opinion I do get angry and there's probably atm there's only one person who can really make me angry and that's none other than my sister. But it's not in a bad way that I say this..in fact I think the only reason she can get to me is because she's someone close to me and someone whom I would fiercely protect and thus fight with. Someone I love enough to disagree with.
One of the things I am truly blessed with is a close knitted family..where nothing's a secret and where I still call my mum everyday (yup it's been 6 years since I've left home and it's still the same routine! haha). Which is why reading this extract really struck me in a sad way and brought tears to my eyes. Because if it was my sister I will feel the same way too..
"My sister is ten years old. Every morning at seven she goes to the bonded labour man, and every night at nine she comes home. He treats her badly; he hits her if he thinks she is working slowly or if she talks to the other children, he yells at her. He comes looking for her if she is sick and cannot go to work. I don't care about school or playing. I don't care about any of that. All I want is to bring my sister home from the bonded labour man. For 600 rupees (17 dollars) I can bring her home-that is our only chance to get her back. We don't have 600 rupees....we will never have 600 rupess." Lakshmi, nine year old cigarette roller in Tamil Nadu.
From True Grit, pg 31 on Child Labour.
In the midst of all the complaining about exams and what not, I am thankful that I have 17 dollars.
For more sister fun....
Well, haha contrary to public opinion I do get angry and there's probably atm there's only one person who can really make me angry and that's none other than my sister. But it's not in a bad way that I say this..in fact I think the only reason she can get to me is because she's someone close to me and someone whom I would fiercely protect and thus fight with. Someone I love enough to disagree with.
One of the things I am truly blessed with is a close knitted family..where nothing's a secret and where I still call my mum everyday (yup it's been 6 years since I've left home and it's still the same routine! haha). Which is why reading this extract really struck me in a sad way and brought tears to my eyes. Because if it was my sister I will feel the same way too..
"My sister is ten years old. Every morning at seven she goes to the bonded labour man, and every night at nine she comes home. He treats her badly; he hits her if he thinks she is working slowly or if she talks to the other children, he yells at her. He comes looking for her if she is sick and cannot go to work. I don't care about school or playing. I don't care about any of that. All I want is to bring my sister home from the bonded labour man. For 600 rupees (17 dollars) I can bring her home-that is our only chance to get her back. We don't have 600 rupees....we will never have 600 rupess." Lakshmi, nine year old cigarette roller in Tamil Nadu.
From True Grit, pg 31 on Child Labour.
In the midst of all the complaining about exams and what not, I am thankful that I have 17 dollars.
For more sister fun....
Monday, November 03, 2008
I am a klutz
If those out there are wondering what we medical students do everyday; well we just basically sit and observe lots of things and try not to fall asleep or get questioned because we will not know the answer.
And if those in Malaysia wonder what the Australian medical teaching is like; basically we get sent out to a lot of "touchy-feely" stuff like community medicine and preventative care. It's probably an excuse as to why I am so dumb in medicine but I digress because everyone else in Med knows their anatomy and physiology and pharmacology esp those kiasu Singaporean students (or rather student who like for example knows that RF is actually IgM mediated antibody against IgG antibodies... no offence to the rest of the Singaporean population) AND still can do the touchy feely stuff so it must just be me.
But anyway....
The object of all the detours above was because today I went on a visit to a divison of GP set up and went along with the exercise psychiologist. They had a exercise group for mental health participants in a hall and guess what, your's truly was asked to join.
Now, I am already a klutz IN sports attire...worst in clinical clothes of long pants (thank goodness I wore pants and not a skirt or heels). And I have not played much team sports since leaving high school. Needless to say, it was a disaster where I just ran up and down the court, hoping no one will throw the ball at me because I will definately lose it and trying to just not get my feet stepped on. And that was just basketball.....there was soccer after that (wow how aussie-fied I am, I don't even call it football anymore)....but I shall spare myself the humilation of telling it in cyberspace. Haha.
But I guess this is the touchy feely thing about being a medical student. That even in the midst of the influx of info that I will never remember, (or will remember but lose it just when the consultant asks the question) it is learning to be humble enough to play along and be part of patients' lives. Yup sometimes we are merely furnitures in the consulting room or objects of hazards in the operating theater but it trains us to be patient and acknowledge our inexperience.
Even in the times of being scolded or reprimanded over things we did not get taught; those are times we swallow our pride and learn.
So even between throwing lots of air balls and doing star jumps in pin strip pants, it's a lesson as important as learning about Lacunar syndrome or whatever not.
But of course, if I ever do have children I will make sure they are not subjected to such humilation of klutizness and play more sport!
And if those in Malaysia wonder what the Australian medical teaching is like; basically we get sent out to a lot of "touchy-feely" stuff like community medicine and preventative care. It's probably an excuse as to why I am so dumb in medicine but I digress because everyone else in Med knows their anatomy and physiology and pharmacology esp those kiasu Singaporean students (or rather student who like for example knows that RF is actually IgM mediated antibody against IgG antibodies... no offence to the rest of the Singaporean population) AND still can do the touchy feely stuff so it must just be me.
But anyway....
The object of all the detours above was because today I went on a visit to a divison of GP set up and went along with the exercise psychiologist. They had a exercise group for mental health participants in a hall and guess what, your's truly was asked to join.
Now, I am already a klutz IN sports attire...worst in clinical clothes of long pants (thank goodness I wore pants and not a skirt or heels). And I have not played much team sports since leaving high school. Needless to say, it was a disaster where I just ran up and down the court, hoping no one will throw the ball at me because I will definately lose it and trying to just not get my feet stepped on. And that was just basketball.....there was soccer after that (wow how aussie-fied I am, I don't even call it football anymore)....but I shall spare myself the humilation of telling it in cyberspace. Haha.
But I guess this is the touchy feely thing about being a medical student. That even in the midst of the influx of info that I will never remember, (or will remember but lose it just when the consultant asks the question) it is learning to be humble enough to play along and be part of patients' lives. Yup sometimes we are merely furnitures in the consulting room or objects of hazards in the operating theater but it trains us to be patient and acknowledge our inexperience.
Even in the times of being scolded or reprimanded over things we did not get taught; those are times we swallow our pride and learn.
So even between throwing lots of air balls and doing star jumps in pin strip pants, it's a lesson as important as learning about Lacunar syndrome or whatever not.
But of course, if I ever do have children I will make sure they are not subjected to such humilation of klutizness and play more sport!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Sculpture by the Sea
Last saturday was simply a beautiful day; not too hot or cold.
Thankful for the simple things in life
Thankful for the simple things in life
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
His ways are higher than my ways
And I thank God for improvements, for grace and for cooperation. :)
Sunday, October 26, 2008
GP land
Doing GP now has made me realize how good my father actually is.Over in Australia, there's an exam that must be taken to qualify as a GP and the system is such that medicare covers the bulk of the bill.
In Malaysia, it's so much different. The doctor is just not the doctor; but the pharmacist as well, the practice manager, the accountant, the radiologist, the obstetrician, the pediatrician, the geriatrician. Etc etc. Even more in a small island like Labuan.
See all, do all. No radiologist to interpret Xrays, ultrasounds. He even used to do gastroscopies.
The more I learn medicine, the more I realize I don't know anything and how much my dad does.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the other hand, I have a sinking feeling that history might repeat itself but ya. Oh well.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
To Have what it Takes
It is by grace you have been saved through faith -- and this not of yourselves, it is the gift of God. Ephesians 2:8 (NIV)
It is 3am and your `bleep' has gone off for the second time in half and hour. You could weep with fatigue, frustration and misery. The human frame is just not designed to cope with the circumstances of a junior hospital doctor. As you mechanically carry out the required task, longing for your bed and sleep, you wonder how you are supposed to survive -- as a person, as a member of a family, and as a Christian.
At times like this, we need to let the living and active word of God speak to our hearts, as it is given to do. This verse can help us. Our salvation does not depend one fraction of 1% on ourselves. It is totally, 100%, the work of God. Planned in eternity by the Father, accomplished completely on the Cross by the Son, who as our representative and substitute died bearing the just punishment for our sins, it is applied to our hearts by the Holy Spirit. Even the faith we exercise is the gift of God; we cannot produce it for ourselves.
So when our spiritual survival seems at stake because we are too tired to pray, too busy to study the scriptures, and too tied to the hospital to attend church meetings and worship, it is good to be reminded that we are saved by grace. Temporary interruptions in our co-operation in God's sanctifying work makes no difference to our justification. That is his work alone, and Christ has done it all for us. A man as well as God, he understands our fatigue and frustration, and says, `My grace is sufficient for you' (2 Cor 12:9). So in the midst of physical and mental exhaustion, let us rest in him and his never failing promises.
My hope is built on nothing less
Then Jesus' blood and righteousness;...
When darkness seems to veil his face,
I rest on his unchanging grace...
When all around my soul gives way
He then is all my strength and stay
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
Edward Mote. From http://www.cmf.org.uk/devotion/devotion.asp?day=18&month=10
It is 3am and your `bleep' has gone off for the second time in half and hour. You could weep with fatigue, frustration and misery. The human frame is just not designed to cope with the circumstances of a junior hospital doctor. As you mechanically carry out the required task, longing for your bed and sleep, you wonder how you are supposed to survive -- as a person, as a member of a family, and as a Christian.
At times like this, we need to let the living and active word of God speak to our hearts, as it is given to do. This verse can help us. Our salvation does not depend one fraction of 1% on ourselves. It is totally, 100%, the work of God. Planned in eternity by the Father, accomplished completely on the Cross by the Son, who as our representative and substitute died bearing the just punishment for our sins, it is applied to our hearts by the Holy Spirit. Even the faith we exercise is the gift of God; we cannot produce it for ourselves.
So when our spiritual survival seems at stake because we are too tired to pray, too busy to study the scriptures, and too tied to the hospital to attend church meetings and worship, it is good to be reminded that we are saved by grace. Temporary interruptions in our co-operation in God's sanctifying work makes no difference to our justification. That is his work alone, and Christ has done it all for us. A man as well as God, he understands our fatigue and frustration, and says, `My grace is sufficient for you' (2 Cor 12:9). So in the midst of physical and mental exhaustion, let us rest in him and his never failing promises.
My hope is built on nothing less
Then Jesus' blood and righteousness;...
When darkness seems to veil his face,
I rest on his unchanging grace...
When all around my soul gives way
He then is all my strength and stay
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
Edward Mote. From http://www.cmf.org.uk/devotion/devotion.asp?day=18&month=10
Monday, September 22, 2008
Once bitten, twice shy
It is no secret that dramatic things changed my life in ate 2006.
All of a sudden from being on the forefront of ministry, surrounded by friends, sure and secure in what I felt was my calling in life plus fresh from mission trips, everything came to a screeching halt.
Changes in family, in country, in university, church and friends. Questions about churches and God. About life and desires. Dashed dreams, fearful uncertainties. Weary and tearful nights.
Almost 2 years later....praise God some issues have been resolved; the lost of some things, the gain of others. Along the way, maybe I am a more cynical, more calloused, with less hype and less optimism but hopefully because I've learnt that it is not my own manufactured emotions or even what I feel....but what I choose to still believe in.
I admit, half the time it seems so hard to believe God does have a good plan for my life; not to harm me...not to harm my family. Once bitten, twice shy..I really don't know if patience and good boundaries do "pay off." But ya.........
And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
And I have to say the words I fear the most
I just don’t know
And the questions without answers
Come and paralyze the dancer
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move
Afraid to fall, oh, but fall I must
On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust
God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God
And the sky begins to thunder
And I’m filled with awe and wonder
‘Til the only burning question that remains
Is who am I
Can I form a single mountain
Take the stars in hand and count them
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been
Beyond all that will pass
Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge
How unsearchable for to Him and through
Him and from Him are all things
So let us worship before the throne
Of the One who is worthy of worship alone
All of a sudden from being on the forefront of ministry, surrounded by friends, sure and secure in what I felt was my calling in life plus fresh from mission trips, everything came to a screeching halt.
Changes in family, in country, in university, church and friends. Questions about churches and God. About life and desires. Dashed dreams, fearful uncertainties. Weary and tearful nights.
Almost 2 years later....praise God some issues have been resolved; the lost of some things, the gain of others. Along the way, maybe I am a more cynical, more calloused, with less hype and less optimism but hopefully because I've learnt that it is not my own manufactured emotions or even what I feel....but what I choose to still believe in.
I admit, half the time it seems so hard to believe God does have a good plan for my life; not to harm me...not to harm my family. Once bitten, twice shy..I really don't know if patience and good boundaries do "pay off." But ya.........
And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
And I have to say the words I fear the most
I just don’t know
And the questions without answers
Come and paralyze the dancer
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move
Afraid to fall, oh, but fall I must
On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust
God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God
And the sky begins to thunder
And I’m filled with awe and wonder
‘Til the only burning question that remains
Is who am I
Can I form a single mountain
Take the stars in hand and count them
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been
Beyond all that will pass
Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge
How unsearchable for to Him and through
Him and from Him are all things
So let us worship before the throne
Of the One who is worthy of worship alone
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Scenes
MSF exhibition in the city...which was a windy day and the wrong day to wear a dress, conned by the sun!
Would have been just another gawk and go exhibition but I think what really made it different/good was the way it was conducted where each field worker will take a group of 10 or so and explain/share their experiences from one exhibit to the other.
Floride 2008. A flower festival in Canberra where this year's theme is Australian Movies.
Coogee to Bondi walk before our big Feast (or rather gluttony) of unlimited plates of ribs, steak, fried seafood and mussels cooked in rich white creamy sauce for $25 per person........and which explains why I am so fat now......haha.
"The choice we often face is not between the good and the bad, but between things that matter and things that matter most." VW
Would have been just another gawk and go exhibition but I think what really made it different/good was the way it was conducted where each field worker will take a group of 10 or so and explain/share their experiences from one exhibit to the other.
Floride 2008. A flower festival in Canberra where this year's theme is Australian Movies.
Coogee to Bondi walk before our big Feast (or rather gluttony) of unlimited plates of ribs, steak, fried seafood and mussels cooked in rich white creamy sauce for $25 per person........and which explains why I am so fat now......haha.
"The choice we often face is not between the good and the bad, but between things that matter and things that matter most." VW
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Maybe
..it's not always about "high" experiences, gush-able blog posts or victorious proclamations. Nor "testify-able" moments or even the quiet sensing of his presence.
..it's just to keep keeping on. To believe that there will be a new rain when what was a river is now barely a trickle.
..that God is bigger than what I think or feel. I hope.
..it's just to keep keeping on. To believe that there will be a new rain when what was a river is now barely a trickle.
..that God is bigger than what I think or feel. I hope.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
And so the holidays start...
...with a sleepless night (no thanks to an undisciplined afternoon nap) and a 12 o clock start the day after! (with the sun streaming down my face)
I particularly dislike waking late because it takes away half the day but I always fail and end up snoozing repeatedly over and over.
As with most holidays, I always vow "I must start revising!"
But experience has taught me this is how it would end up:
The night before "Oh I am so tired now. I'll revise tomorrow"
Next day when the alarm rings "Oh it's holidays, you often don't get to sleep in, you have the whole day to do stuff." Snooze, snooze, snooze.
Wake up "Oh it's time for lunch."
Maybe fiddle around the computer checking emails and stalking facebook...2 hours later...
"Oh maybe you should take a shower"
More fiddling around with blogs, the Sydney Morning Herald and The Star newspaper.
And then probably "Oh it's time to cook dinner"
Perhaps followed by a guilty conscience and a half hearted attempt at studying in the night..
and then "Oh I am so tired now. I'll revise tomorrow"
And so the cycle goes on..probably interspaced with some outings and more eating
but always telling myself "You can catch up with studying later, it's Holidays anyway, you have the whole day to study"
till it's Sunday and I would only have 2 pages of highlighted text to show and the end of holidays!
Here's to hoping for a more productive one this time! (although I won't count on it! haha)
I particularly dislike waking late because it takes away half the day but I always fail and end up snoozing repeatedly over and over.
As with most holidays, I always vow "I must start revising!"
But experience has taught me this is how it would end up:
The night before "Oh I am so tired now. I'll revise tomorrow"
Next day when the alarm rings "Oh it's holidays, you often don't get to sleep in, you have the whole day to do stuff." Snooze, snooze, snooze.
Wake up "Oh it's time for lunch."
Maybe fiddle around the computer checking emails and stalking facebook...2 hours later...
"Oh maybe you should take a shower"
More fiddling around with blogs, the Sydney Morning Herald and The Star newspaper.
And then probably "Oh it's time to cook dinner"
Perhaps followed by a guilty conscience and a half hearted attempt at studying in the night..
and then "Oh I am so tired now. I'll revise tomorrow"
And so the cycle goes on..probably interspaced with some outings and more eating
but always telling myself "You can catch up with studying later, it's Holidays anyway, you have the whole day to study"
till it's Sunday and I would only have 2 pages of highlighted text to show and the end of holidays!
Here's to hoping for a more productive one this time! (although I won't count on it! haha)
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
In the mail today...
...I received a statement from my super fund (which is the Australian equivalent of EPF/pension) ya a sign of aging, so old! haha
...a gift from overseas!
...Coles is selling Wheatbix for $2 which is like more than 50% off, kind of random because I don't eat it but told it to someone who does. haha
...a gift from overseas!
...Coles is selling Wheatbix for $2 which is like more than 50% off, kind of random because I don't eat it but told it to someone who does. haha
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Port call
I remember as a child growing up in the island with no McDonalds, when Doulos paid a visit. It was so exciting to meet the people on Doulos, visit their bunks and join them for a meal onboard.The next time Doulos came to Malaysia, I just finished SAM, waiting to go to IMU.
The ship did not seem as big than when I was a child.
And now, five years later (it's almost shocking to think that it's been so long since I've left school and how OLD I am now..) it's here in Sydney. Time flies....or mayb I am just OLD.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
A close call
You just never appreciate the things in your life until it goes missing!Just yesterday I nearly had a mini heart attack when I could not find my planner. It was 12 something at night and I was mentally going through all the problems I would face if it was gone forever. It had my work numbers, my contacts, most importantly 2 log books with hard to get consultant signatures (with marks for each signature) that stretch back from the beginning of this year! And of which I need to qualify to sit for my end of year exam and current exam!
I even resorted to calling the hospital at 1 am in the morning to speak to security just in case someone found it and brought it in. While it could have been misplaced anywhere from the bus to the street, I had a feeling it was possibly lying in ED where I had made phone calls for the registrar. Dramamama also gave good advice and so after prayer and by faith I went to sleep.
Woke up at the crack of dawn today to go to ED and thankfully, it was still there lying beside the telephone. While it was not life and death; it still reminds me that I can go to God even with little hysterical prayers.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
On a lighter note
Check out no4!And from our bank of questions and answers:
198. Imagine you have a narcissistic personality disorder. How would you live your life and relate to other people?
To think that anyone could imagine how a narcissitic person would live their life is ridiculous. I could come up with a million better exam questions than that! Now, personally, I am able to imagine this senario because I happen to have an extremely creative mind. The right side of my brain (that which is involved with creative processes, since you probably didn’t know) is probably more active than most people’s, that is, of course, not to say that my left-brain is inadequate by any means! I actually think I should be exempt from doing this ridiculous exam because I have contributed so much to psychiatry this term. I’m actually pretty bored with it now; I’ve learned everything I need to, and done everything I can. I’m sure I’ve already passed the term anyway, all my registrars have told me how proficient I am at doing a psychiatric interview. I’ll go and get them to tell me again after this though. There are a couple of people who seemed to be liked as well, like that girl Nikki, who climbs mountains while she studies medicine. I can’t stand that! She doesn’t really climb them, she just goes away to
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Because it's Olympics...
Was just reading something from Readers Digest:
During a race in the one man Fin Class sailing competition, Larry Lemieux of Canada was running in second place and was well on his way to a medal ceremony. Suddenly, the sailor spotted Joseph Chan of Singapore, who was competing in a different race, flailing in turbulent water well away from his capsized boat. Chan had been thrown from his small craft and was in danger of drowning in the rough seas.
Lemieux immediately veered off course, sacrificing his chance of winning a medal and ferried Chan back to his overturned boat. Chan and his team mate were then picked up by a rescue boat. Officially, Lemieux finished 11th place in the event but International Olympic Committee President Juan Antonio Samaranch later recognised his act by awarding him the Pierre de Coubertin medal for sportsmanship.
...........................................................................................................
At the most recent Winter Olympiad, Canadian Sarah Renner was leading her team in the gruelling cross country team sprint ski race when her left ski pole snapped. She pushed on, but it seemed hopeless. On an uphill slope, several skiers passed her.
Then something truly extraordinary happened. An unknown man stepped forward from the side of the course and handed Renner another ski pole. She immediately got back in the race and with a mighty effort, managed to make up some of the lost time. In the end, it was enough to capture the silver medal for Canada.
It was not until after the race that Renner learnt the identity of her benefactor. He turned out to be Bjoernar Haakensmoen, the coach of the Norwegian team who finished fourth. Haakensmoen immediately became a hero in Canada. One Montreal newspaper ran a one-word banner headline simply proclaiming, TAKK the Norwegian word for thank you.
Haakensmoen didn't understand all the attention. "The Olympic spirit is the way we try to follow. If you win but don't help somebody when you should have, what win is that?"
(Rd, Aug 2008)
----------------------------------------------------------
I guess these two stories have got me thinking of my own selfishness. All of us know that these people train very hard and a medal is a big thing. If I were in those situations what would I do? Even now, in the mundane hospital life I must admit, the "kiasu" spirit prevails where there is a slight tinge of jealousy if another student describes what they got to do or assist or when they saw an interesting patient you missed. Or when I am unwilling to give up some extra sleep or what not to avoid inconveniences. I guess it is sobering to realize, the reality of my selfishness and hopefully repent.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Identity
A few weeks ago, my aunt kindly brought me to watch a play. It was about the Battle of Gallipoli the first war that Australia had participated in as part of the Allied forces.
For starters, I never knew that ANZAC stood for Australian and New Zealand Army Corps. I stay near Anzac Parade, love the Anzac holiday day off and eat Anzac cookies yet didn't know the acronym. Haha.
Anyway, it was very much an Australian patriotic production showing the lives of the young Australians in the battle. I must confess to being a noob, I've sort of heard about the charge of the light calvary (the poem) and WW1 but not much beyond that. It is different to see things from an Australian perspective and for most in attendance like my cousin, they have grown up learning about this in history lessons. Where as I've been learning about Parameswara and the magical deer in the forest..haha.
The thick Australian spirit got me thinking however. If I were to actually stay on in this country, how much of it do I know? More so, how much of Australia do I love and would actually take ownership of especially in the context of a Christian.
How odd is it sometimes to be a 2nd generation Malaysian Chinese living/studying in Australia.
To the Chinese, I am not Chinese enough because I am quintessentially a "banana" yellow on the outside but white on the inside and can't read or write Chinese.
To the Western world, I am pretty Asian in my values, introvertness and even sense of humor.
In Malaysia, I am not Malay yet it is my birthplace and where I grew up. A place where we are not always wanted, sometimes 2nd class citizens but yet at the same time free enough to live in peace.
A person who looks Chinese but who speaks Bahasa Malaysia better than Chinese and thinks in English.
Don't know if you've noticed but we Malaysian Chinese always state our race and nationality as separate, so unlike the Indonesians and Fillipino Chinese who often just state their nationality.
Amy Tan writes about being a 1st generation American Chinese.
Someone should write something about being a double immigrant; a Malaysian Chinese migrating to the western world.
For starters, I never knew that ANZAC stood for Australian and New Zealand Army Corps. I stay near Anzac Parade, love the Anzac holiday day off and eat Anzac cookies yet didn't know the acronym. Haha.
Anyway, it was very much an Australian patriotic production showing the lives of the young Australians in the battle. I must confess to being a noob, I've sort of heard about the charge of the light calvary (the poem) and WW1 but not much beyond that. It is different to see things from an Australian perspective and for most in attendance like my cousin, they have grown up learning about this in history lessons. Where as I've been learning about Parameswara and the magical deer in the forest..haha.
The thick Australian spirit got me thinking however. If I were to actually stay on in this country, how much of it do I know? More so, how much of Australia do I love and would actually take ownership of especially in the context of a Christian.
How odd is it sometimes to be a 2nd generation Malaysian Chinese living/studying in Australia.
To the Chinese, I am not Chinese enough because I am quintessentially a "banana" yellow on the outside but white on the inside and can't read or write Chinese.
To the Western world, I am pretty Asian in my values, introvertness and even sense of humor.
In Malaysia, I am not Malay yet it is my birthplace and where I grew up. A place where we are not always wanted, sometimes 2nd class citizens but yet at the same time free enough to live in peace.
A person who looks Chinese but who speaks Bahasa Malaysia better than Chinese and thinks in English.
Don't know if you've noticed but we Malaysian Chinese always state our race and nationality as separate, so unlike the Indonesians and Fillipino Chinese who often just state their nationality.
Amy Tan writes about being a 1st generation American Chinese.
Someone should write something about being a double immigrant; a Malaysian Chinese migrating to the western world.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
In recent weeks..
...Christmas in July with family in the Blue Mountains.The chair is classic..and I love creative shops!
Closing night of Hillsong conference...size vs depth? suited for the masses or alienate but the theological? save "many" or stick to the pure "few"? head knowledge that is not applied? or emotions that are unchecked?
...but for what it's worth, at least some are living what they sing.
...coffee festival
... a road trip with a few friends
On another note, I've not been able to express in words what I am "feeling"
Disillusioned seems to strong a word, "sien" is too flat an expression.
But this hits it right on...
"Within the kaledioscope of my distorted childhood memories is the image of a dusty, deserted road in rural Canada. As I recall it, there were no signs indicating direction or distance to go....
The hour was late and my family and I had been travelling that road for an entire day. We were lost, tired and not a little irritable with one another...
Why not turn back? We had simply traveled too far to do so. Besides, the road had to go somewhere. But where?
The trip had begun with such excitement, an adventuresome spirit about going new places. But now all the zeal had dissipated. I guess we began to wonder why we'd ever left home.
I have often recalled the feelings and frustration of that late-night, dark-road experience whenever my life seemed to be momentarily turn into a mindless or spiritless journey crammed with events (not experiences) and contacts (not relationships)."
Gordon MacDonald, Renewing Your Spiritual Passion.
Friday, August 01, 2008
A day at a time
...."and we will cross that bridge when we get to it," as my consultant psychiatrist always says to his patients.
Indeed.
I cannot look beyond today.
Indeed.
I cannot look beyond today.
Friday, July 18, 2008
In Australia...
There are lots of beaches...
Lots of wildlife....
And a new species recently discovered!
Postulated to have migrated from the southern island off the coast of Johor.
Natural habitat: Rainforest, temperate region
Eats: Rice and sometimes chilli crabs
BMI: less than 20
Extremely endangered and aggressive animal-do not feed or approach if spotted
May bite!
Looking for female equivalent
Disclaimer: The events depicted in this blog post are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.
Haha
Lots of wildlife....
And a new species recently discovered!
Postulated to have migrated from the southern island off the coast of Johor.
Natural habitat: Rainforest, temperate region
Eats: Rice and sometimes chilli crabs
BMI: less than 20
Extremely endangered and aggressive animal-do not feed or approach if spotted
May bite!
Looking for female equivalent
Disclaimer: The events depicted in this blog post are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.
Haha
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Be careful what you wish for
It was late 2005, in sem 4 when my family and I visited family in Sydney. Staying in my aunt's place in Randwick, I suddenly had the idea to visit UNSW's campus because I thought it would be great to bring my sisters and see a real uni (as opposed to our "beloved" converted shopping centre IMU).
Since UNSW's library alone is bigger than the whole IMU, it had the library lawn etc etc that we all picture when we think of an overseas uni. And because Sydney Children's Hospital was just next door, I suggested that we pop by and have a look. Bear in mind, at this point, UNSW was not even in my universities transfer list and I was pretty set since entering IMU to go on to UK (since I decided not to take up a 1st yr offer in UNSW med).
I remember that we went and took pictures of the Fairy Garden and a grand rounds was just finishing in the lecture theater. Just casually I thought wow this is a nice place. I would love to be working here. I never ever thought I would actually end up living in Sydney of all places. My university did not even twin with UNSW!
Now, 2+++yrs onwards, I still sometimes struggle to find the reason God has brought me to Sydney. In some ways, I would have maybe gone crazy if I actually went to the UK and had classes while my mum had the diagnosis of cancer. Not having the 6 months holiday of staying with her in KL. And in many ways, having family here has been heaps helpful as well.
Yet, dashed dreams as well, and seriously unsure even about what God actually wants of my life. If I had ended up in UK, it was almost 100% sure I would have gone back to Malaysia after postgrad years. It's less clear in Australia where there's family here as well, and plus how He has stirred me here. And even more surprising the twists and turns. The selfish me pre med school would never want to go back to Malaysia and then He changed me to die to self after a long protracted struggle (UK and back home, some more for me to share it with others, ah!) and then suddenly change again. How can He do this to me! Haha :)
Now I cannot even say where I will end up...who knows I might even go back after graduation? Or go to another country? I don't know.
Anyway, I just find it ironic that I am back at Sydney Children's Hospital.
Indeed, be careful what you wish or even utter, God hears everything!
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Playing truant
My favourite 2nd hand bookstore where you can get a coffee and read
Rows of books and a latte (btw, can anyone enlighten me on the difference between a flat white and a latte?)
Rows of books and a latte (btw, can anyone enlighten me on the difference between a flat white and a latte?)
Thursday, June 26, 2008
I think this song speaks for itself.
Many are the words we speak
Many are the songs we sing
Many kinds of offerings
But now to live the life
Many are the words we speak
Many are the songs we sing
Many kinds of offerings
But now to live the life
Help us live the life
Help us live the life
All we want to do is bring you something real
Bring You something true
(We hope that) Precious are the words we speak
(We pray that) Precious are the songs we sing
Precious all these offerings
But now to live the life
Help us live the life
Help us live the life
All we want to do is bring you something real
Bring You something true
Help us live the life
Help us live the life
All we want to do is bring you something real
Bring You something true
Now to go the extra mile
Now to turn the other cheek
And to serve You with a life
Let us share your fellowship
Even of your sufferings
Never let the passion die...
Now to live the life...
Now to live the life
Now to live the life
Now to live the life
Sunday, June 22, 2008
24
That day we met at her parents' house, Rolake and I sat outside watching the bustle in the streets, snacking on fried plantain chips she bought from a passing child vendor. I asked her if she ever felt it was unfair, her infection, and the way that HIV had hijacked her life, thrusting her into this role of activism. She shook her head vehemently.....
...."At this point, HIV is just one of the five hundred things going on in my life."
"Being lonely is bigger than HIV in my life. I'm not alone-I live at home with my parents, I have friends-but it's incredibly lonely. Because the things I want to do, the things I really want to say, there's nobody to say them to. What you call beautiful nonsense, you know-I have nobody to do that with and that's incredibly lonely."
A personal book of 28 stories of people with HIV in Africa.
I must confess that the names of countries do blur into one, even some stories may almost be stereotypical of what we expect of a continent associated with poverty. Yet, stories that remind again and again, this is a broken world where there is so much need for justice and compassion. Grace and mercy.
...."At this point, HIV is just one of the five hundred things going on in my life."
"Being lonely is bigger than HIV in my life. I'm not alone-I live at home with my parents, I have friends-but it's incredibly lonely. Because the things I want to do, the things I really want to say, there's nobody to say them to. What you call beautiful nonsense, you know-I have nobody to do that with and that's incredibly lonely."
A personal book of 28 stories of people with HIV in Africa.
I must confess that the names of countries do blur into one, even some stories may almost be stereotypical of what we expect of a continent associated with poverty. Yet, stories that remind again and again, this is a broken world where there is so much need for justice and compassion. Grace and mercy.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Random goodness
You don't need to rinse fish, chicken, pork, or any other meat before cooking. Not only does it not get rid of bacteria, it spreads bacteria (if water splashes from the sink in the process of rinsing). What kills bacteria much more effectively is cooking.
So why do so many cooks rinse their fish and chickens? Because their mothers used to ;)
Here is a quote from Cook's Illustrated on the subject:
Not only is there no scientific evidence to support your mother's practice, science is actually against you on this one. The U.S. Department of Agriculture, as well as food agencies in the United Kingdom and elsewhere, advises against washing poultry. Rinsing chicken will not remove or kill much bacteria, and the splashing of water around the sink can spread the bacteria found in raw chicken. (Cooking poultry to 165 degrees Fahrenheit effectively destroys the most common culprits behind food-borne illness.)
From: http://beyondsalmon.blogspot.com/2006/02/to-rinse-or-not-to-rinse-that-is.html
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Even after reading this, I still cannot not rinse my chicken or meat or fish..
And even though people have told me not to rinse prawns when you cook/buy them because it will wash away the sweetness, psychologically I still cannot do it!
And I am sure 99% of us wash our chickens etc before cooking!
I guess the same logic applies to wiping cutlery with pink tissue paper at restaurants/coffee shops before using them. It doesn't take the bacteria or even dust away...
But of course, dunking them in hot water...that's another story
So why do so many cooks rinse their fish and chickens? Because their mothers used to ;)
Here is a quote from Cook's Illustrated on the subject:
Not only is there no scientific evidence to support your mother's practice, science is actually against you on this one. The U.S. Department of Agriculture, as well as food agencies in the United Kingdom and elsewhere, advises against washing poultry. Rinsing chicken will not remove or kill much bacteria, and the splashing of water around the sink can spread the bacteria found in raw chicken. (Cooking poultry to 165 degrees Fahrenheit effectively destroys the most common culprits behind food-borne illness.)
From: http://beyondsalmon.blogspot.com/2006/02/to-rinse-or-not-to-rinse-that-is.html
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Even after reading this, I still cannot not rinse my chicken or meat or fish..
And even though people have told me not to rinse prawns when you cook/buy them because it will wash away the sweetness, psychologically I still cannot do it!
And I am sure 99% of us wash our chickens etc before cooking!
I guess the same logic applies to wiping cutlery with pink tissue paper at restaurants/coffee shops before using them. It doesn't take the bacteria or even dust away...
But of course, dunking them in hot water...that's another story
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