In Australia...

There are lots of beaches...


Lots of wildlife....




And a new species recently discovered!
Postulated to have migrated from the southern island off the coast of Johor.
Natural habitat: Rainforest, temperate region
Eats: Rice and sometimes chilli crabs
BMI: less than 20
Extremely endangered and aggressive animal-do not feed or approach if spotted
May bite!
Looking for female equivalent


Disclaimer: The events depicted in this blog post are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.

Haha

During holidays

Be careful what you wish for

It was late 2005, in sem 4 when my family and I visited family in Sydney. Staying in my aunt's place in Randwick, I suddenly had the idea to visit UNSW's campus because I thought it would be great to bring my sisters and see a real uni (as opposed to our "beloved" converted shopping centre IMU).

Since UNSW's library alone is bigger than the whole IMU, it had the library lawn etc etc that we all picture when we think of an overseas uni. And because Sydney Children's Hospital was just next door, I suggested that we pop by and have a look. Bear in mind, at this point, UNSW was not even in my universities transfer list and I was pretty set since entering IMU to go on to UK (since I decided not to take up a 1st yr offer in UNSW med).

I remember that we went and took pictures of the Fairy Garden and a grand rounds was just finishing in the lecture theater. Just casually I thought wow this is a nice place. I would love to be working here. I never ever thought I would actually end up living in Sydney of all places. My university did not even twin with UNSW!

Now, 2+++yrs onwards, I still sometimes struggle to find the reason God has brought me to Sydney. In some ways, I would have maybe gone crazy if I actually went to the UK and had classes while my mum had the diagnosis of cancer. Not having the 6 months holiday of staying with her in KL. And in many ways, having family here has been heaps helpful as well.

Yet, dashed dreams as well, and seriously unsure even about what God actually wants of my life. If I had ended up in UK, it was almost 100% sure I would have gone back to Malaysia after postgrad years. It's less clear in Australia where there's family here as well, and plus how He has stirred me here. And even more surprising the twists and turns. The selfish me pre med school would never want to go back to Malaysia and then He changed me to die to self after a long protracted struggle (UK and back home, some more for me to share it with others, ah!) and then suddenly change again. How can He do this to me! Haha :)

Now I cannot even say where I will end up...who knows I might even go back after graduation? Or go to another country? I don't know.

Anyway, I just find it ironic that I am back at Sydney Children's Hospital.
Indeed, be careful what you wish or even utter, God hears everything!

Playing truant

My favourite 2nd hand bookstore where you can get a coffee and read

Rows of books and a latte (btw, can anyone enlighten me on the difference between a flat white and a latte?)

I think this song speaks for itself.

Many are the words we speak
Many are the songs we sing
Many kinds of offerings
But now to live the life

Many are the words we speak
Many are the songs we sing
Many kinds of offerings
But now to live the life

Help us live the life
Help us live the life
All we want to do is bring you something real
Bring You something true

(We hope that) Precious are the words we speak
(We pray that) Precious are the songs we sing
Precious all these offerings
But now to live the life

Help us live the life
Help us live the life
All we want to do is bring you something real
Bring You something true

Help us live the life
Help us live the life
All we want to do is bring you something real
Bring You something true

Now to go the extra mile
Now to turn the other cheek
And to serve You with a life
Let us share your fellowship
Even of your sufferings
Never let the passion die...
Now to live the life...
Now to live the life
Now to live the life
Now to live the life

24

That day we met at her parents' house, Rolake and I sat outside watching the bustle in the streets, snacking on fried plantain chips she bought from a passing child vendor. I asked her if she ever felt it was unfair, her infection, and the way that HIV had hijacked her life, thrusting her into this role of activism. She shook her head vehemently.....

...."At this point, HIV is just one of the five hundred things going on in my life."
"Being lonely is bigger than HIV in my life. I'm not alone-I live at home with my parents, I have friends-but it's incredibly lonely. Because the things I want to do, the things I really want to say, there's nobody to say them to. What you call beautiful nonsense, you know-I have nobody to do that with and that's incredibly lonely."


A personal book of 28 stories of people with HIV in Africa.
I must confess that the names of countries do blur into one, even some stories may almost be stereotypical of what we expect of a continent associated with poverty. Yet, stories that remind again and again, this is a broken world where there is so much need for justice and compassion. Grace and mercy.

Always his

Random goodness

You don't need to rinse fish, chicken, pork, or any other meat before cooking. Not only does it not get rid of bacteria, it spreads bacteria (if water splashes from the sink in the process of rinsing). What kills bacteria much more effectively is cooking.

So why do so many cooks rinse their fish and chickens? Because their mothers used to ;)

Here is a quote from Cook's Illustrated on the subject:
Not only is there no scientific evidence to support your mother's practice, science is actually against you on this one. The U.S. Department of Agriculture, as well as food agencies in the United Kingdom and elsewhere, advises against washing poultry. Rinsing chicken will not remove or kill much bacteria, and the splashing of water around the sink can spread the bacteria found in raw chicken. (Cooking poultry to 165 degrees Fahrenheit effectively destroys the most common culprits behind food-borne illness.)

From: http://beyondsalmon.blogspot.com/2006/02/to-rinse-or-not-to-rinse-that-is.html

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Even after reading this, I still cannot not rinse my chicken or meat or fish..
And even though people have told me not to rinse prawns when you cook/buy them because it will wash away the sweetness, psychologically I still cannot do it!

And I am sure 99% of us wash our chickens etc before cooking!

I guess the same logic applies to wiping cutlery with pink tissue paper at restaurants/coffee shops before using them. It doesn't take the bacteria or even dust away...

But of course, dunking them in hot water...that's another story

Another view

So yea, I can be quite a random person at times.
Random statements, random jokes on my sisters like logging on into Sab's facebook and posting random pictures for fun. ;)

One afternoon 2 weeks ago, I finished hospital early and was waiting for the free COFA (College of Fine Arts) bus back to uni/home. Having 30minutes or so to spare, I decided that I should have a look at the gallery since I never have the luxury of soaking up the artsy air even though I've been at Vinnies for 1year plus (as I am always running to catch the bus back).

Being the jakun (uncultured) Labuanite who stays in trees, I honestly thought the pictures were "fugly." I have never been a fan of modern art, and no matter how cultured and artsy I tried to convince myself to be, I just felt the pictures were kindergarden scrawls!

Of course, being jakun as well, I didn't bother to pick up the picture guide and it was only when I finished and walked out, I read the synopsis of the exhibition. It was actually a collection of pictures drawn by autistic children.

And everything shifted after that. The pictures became more than just fugly scribblings but testaments of the children's efforts. No longer judging merely from a stereotypical view of prettiness but triumphant beauty.

I like to imagine that's how God views our lives. The tangles and blotches on our canvas.
Perhaps not necessarily pretty in the world's standards
but...hopefully beautiful in God's.

The things we learn in med school

As told during our lecture today:

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general practitioner, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the general practitioner who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.

"I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky soon thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards and he fired without hesitation. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him: "Go see if that was a duck, will you?"

A dash of perspective..

I have been dreading the 7 o'clock starts with surgery recently.
And a little frazzled in Cardiothoracic surgery where everything is high powered (I am so afraid of knocking over the harvested veins when scrubbed in) and everyone is highly strung. (Which is why our residents work 7am to 8pm every night for 6 days and then get the whole week off and alternate)

But I am reminded that I am actually in a very blessed place.
My hospital is state of the art and simply beautiful.
I have quite a cushy job as a RA and get paid to attend MDT meetings (of which I would have attend anyway as a student).
And I am reminded of the pre U days where I was looking forward and dying to get into med (and now dreading and complaining about things!)

So yea, life is good :)

And she shall be called woman..

with a mixture of events last week, it does feel sometimes almost cursed to be a woman. (To be theologically correct, we are indeed cursed as mentioned in Genesis; just in a different way for men and a different way for women)

there are times where I am convinced that life would be easier to be born a man.
Easier to go for mission trips (and yet more girls always go than guys)
Easier to do "dangerous" things
Easier to lead at church

where as a woman, depth can be a liability and where there is some truth to this phrase "The average girl would rather have beauty than brains, because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think"
where we are created with emotions and an innate sense of fostering relationships (not merely the bgr kind) yet those are the most unpredictable of the lot
and plus in today's age, at the same time we have to be equal if not better than men in our careers and achievement esp in medicine.

And there is a tug, where we are created to cry and yet in the wake of passive manhood we have no choice but to be independent. Which then becomes a liability because men want to be needed.
What a paradox!
And because we are women, we feel so much deeper and with a deeper love hand in hand comes a deeper hurt.

Which is why I cried today at church service where Mothers Day was celebrated. Where the sermon was simple but a testimony of mothers.
For the women and their pain.
I cried for you, who lost his mother 10 years ago. I remember you even here.
For mothers who have to shoulder a greater responsibility most of the time to make families work.
For the women who are left holding their children when fathers walk away.
For women who are often most affected by wars men plan.

(credits:www.postsecret.blogspot.com)

And yet, also reminded beautifully again...
although we feel so much deeper and with a deeper love comes a deeper hurt.
but with a deeper hurt, births also a deeper love.

The sinful woman who was forgiven by Jesus lavished perfumed oil to wash his feet.
It was the women who stayed while Jesus was hung on the cross.
The godly mothers who were instrumental in teaching their children to love God.
Women also outnumber men in the global church.

I don't mean this to be a guy bashing post. :)
Certainly guys have the work cut out for them as well.

I guess, it is just a reminder to us girls, yes womanhood is full of emotions and we carry the weight of many things, but I believe and pray in God, He will redeem our womanhood even as we try to juggle so many challenges.

Happy Mothers Day.

Snapshots

(Beautiful conference site)

Went for IMPACT, a CMDFA (Christian Medical and Dental Fellowship of Australia) annual camp where doctors and med/dental students came from all over Australia to Sydney.


New faces, old friends (like Yoda!) and although nothing "earth-shattering" new, great reminders of what God is doing and generously allows us to partner Him. Themes of mercy, justice, compassion echoed again clear. A refreshing acceptance of Christians with different ways of worship; John Dickson (Sydney Anglican) giving the main address yet also "free worship" at night and "Brethren style" open floor for people to pray and share.


And I went canoeing in this lake!


Anyway,
Over the past 2 years I've began to be more selective in my reading, greatly preferring older or those with a life-story to tell. Looking back at my walk, my perceptions and responses have been sharply redefined by "suffering." I find myself drawn to those who have endured rather than the next big thing on the Christian scene. There is something refining about the fire and something genuine after the pruning.

And so, this is something I find true....

"I think it is important to see the present calamity in a true perspective. The war creates no absolutely new situations; it simply aggravates the permanent human situation so that we can no longer ignore it. Human life has always been lived on the edge of a precipice...We are mistaken when we compare war to "normal life." Life has never been normal....

War makes death real to us: and that would have been regarded as one of its blessings by most of the great Christians in the past. They thought it good for us to be always aware of our mortality. I am inclined to think they were right. All the animal life in us, all schemes of happiness that centred in this world, were always doomed to a final destruction. In ordinary times only a wise man can realise it. Now the stupidest of us knows. We see unmistakably the sort of universe in which we have all along be living, and must come to terms with it. If we had foolish un-Christian hopes about human culture, they are now shattered. If we thought we were building up a heaven on earth, if we looked for something that would turn the present world from a place of pilgrimage into a permanent city satisfying the soul of man, we are disillusioned, and not a moment to soon.

CS Lewis "Learning in wartime" 1939.

And indeed it is true, for now even me, the stupidest of us, knows.
Thus now I am not disillusioned, but rather was disillusioned before.

I love my mum

and she is just a great blessing to my life!

Her courage and love.
And she's "cute" as well! Late last year, she suddenly wanted to write for the church magazine.

So here's from Cecilia Chua:

Last September, I flew from Labuan to Kuala Lumpur with my family to be treated for breast cancer. I had to have a mastectomy and other medical treatment. Pastor Ling and a few Christian friends supported us throughout the hospital stay. Without them, we would have been quite lost. During my first chemotherapy session, my white blood cell count plummeted to 0.5. My immune system was extremely weak as white blood cell count of a normal person is about 4. Clots of blood were also coming out from my uterine.

I was really scared. I was rushed to the hospital's emergency ward by my eldest daughter Sarah, who was on holiday and could hence be with me. Praise God for His timing. Dr Jamila who saw me at the emergency insisted that I see the gynaecologist who scanned my uterus and found that I had fibroids. I was treated with hormones. Later, during my quiet time, I read Psalm 121. I could not stop crying. I sensed the Lord reaching out His hand and saying that my walk on earth was not finished.

However, the bleeding did not stop. During my third chemotherapy session, my white blood cell count was then 1 but I had no fear. God's peace was with me and 2 Corinthians 5:7 kept coming to me. "We live by faith and not by sight." From then on, the lyrics in the song became real. Tissues were my best friend during praise and worship in church as I would be overwhelmed by tears of thankfulness and awe of our great God. Thank God too for my husband, Meng Yong who was with me through all my six chemotherapy sessions.

I could sense God's presence everywhere even in the hospital. While I was given my 11th herceptin (a new anti cancer drug) intravenously, one of the nurses in charge came and held my right hand. I felt God holding my right hand as another nurse took my blood. Isaiah 41:10 flashed. "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Today I am still on treatment and have six more courses of herceptin. Through Him I had victoriously gone through six chemotherapy sessions and 11 courses of herceptin.

Senior Pastor Daniel's message about "people do not care how much we know until they know how much we care" is true. Sister Pang whom I knew from an alter call prayer, messaged me early one morning before treatment and told me to collect a second book she wanted to give me. It made my day sparkle to know someone cared. People in the hospital asked me why I continued smiling. I shared with them that I was not alone and that there were people in my church who cared. I pray that I will also make a difference in other peoples' lives.

One afternoon when I was very down, God prompted Shirley (whom I met during the 21 days of prayer and fasting) to call me. Her call really reminded me of Hebrews 13:5 which says "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." Shirley has been a blessing. She takes me out to lunch and also brings my helper Herliani, my second daughter Sabrina and I home from church faithfully.

I thank my SS14 cell group and Herliani's Bahasa cell group for upholding me in prayer. Thank God too for providing Sabrina who has just finished her South Australian Matriculation programme, to be with me. I am also thankful to everyone who has helped me. I look forward to
have my youngest daughter, Serene joining me next year. Indeed, God is good yesterday, today and forever. I trust my Almighty God and I confess His healing words everyday.

("My Help Comes from The Lord." Floodgates Issue 42, pg 4 Jan-Feb 2008)



Happy 52th birthday mum!

I am..

...reminded of God's amazing faithfulness!

For Jane

I don't normally do this but since it's a request by msn all the way from London, here goes :)
8 random facts about me:

1) I grew up in a small island that is so small that there's no McDonalds! (yea, laugh, laugh. There's KFC and Pizza Hut thought!)

2) Because I grew up surrounded by the sea, I can tell the difference between saltwater fish and freshwater fish by taste.

3) And I never knew that most people can't tell the difference in "fish taste" till I moved to the big city of KL and had people exclaim in amazement that I could.

4) I drink green tea everyday (more antioxidants! haha)

5) I have a spot on my sclera which looks like a haemorrhagic spot. I distinctly remember being bitten by an ant when I was very very young.....but I don't know how reliable my memory is! But it is a good way of telling if someone is looking into my eyes when they notice ;)

6) I had a milk tooth extracted when I was 19 because it just did not fall off.

I am running out of things to say....

7) I never wanted to become a doctor but a war/current affairs journalist (so naive, and of course the lack of insight on my writing skills!)

8) I am sensitive to caffeine and thus avoid any trace of caffeine even in Coke or tea after 6pm. But I make an exception for chocolates!

Won't be tagging anyone.

Just a picture from one of the storefronts in Darlinghurst, the uber chic area near my hospital.

An amazing quote!

"Yet the silence of God is not the same as the absence of God"

from: A Turkish Theologian.
An excellent account of the persecuted church.


More:

...This reality forces us to take another look at what Paul means in Romans 8:28 by "our good." If our good is a stable, safe, healthy, happy, and reasonably wealthy middle-class life, then logically one can conclude that God really does not work for the good of the largest portion of the global church today.

Similarly, when we look at Paul's list of sufferings in 2 Corinthians 11, it's clear that Paul's life will never be known as a good one by today's pop psychology or quick-fix spirituality books....

...But, our highest good is not a problem-free life; it is to be like the Son....

If u plan to raise a child in Australia..

..or maybe any anglo-saxon country..
..or even in Malaysia (come to think of it)

don't name your child Sarah!

In my tutorial group of 16 people, of which half are guys..
there are 3 Sarahs! 3/8 chance of having a person named Sarah.

And in my bible study group last year..
there were 4 Sarahs!

And there is normally a Sarah or two among the nurses on the wards
which always results in me being "perasaan" (aka overrating self) when I hear "Sarah"

At least atm, I'm the Asian Sarah.

:)

It's now time to...

...buy chocolate bunnies and eggs!

The true Asian in me would only buy today when it's heavily discounted :)

Privileged

Having just completed my neurology term, I must really say that I am very privileged to be under my team. Even though I am just a lowly medical student and the bottom of the food chain, the registrars and intern have invited me to join them for lunches & even...."shout" (Australian lingo for buy) me lunches numerous times. And my registrar even bought me a box of chocolates! (It should be the other way around!)

The best part is that after work one day, they even asked me along to Bankstown (which is a good 40 min drive away) for Pho (Vietnamese beef soup) because our intern who's Viet recommended it.

Although I did walk around this term feeling like the biggest idiot as my neuroanatomy is not great, I've learn from this team about the personal side of medicine and working life. How connections and rapport with consultants must be developed.

And I hope I don't look that old, because I have been mistaken as the neurology registrar (not even an intern or resident!!!!) by a consultant... ^_^

***************************

There's new experiences everyday, some which are surprisingly delightful others which require another step of endurance.

Just can't put it in words.
Circumstances I would never have chosen or wished upon others even, yet somehow falls into place in His sovereign rule and wisdom.