Cravings

Since I enjoy reading blogs that talk about daily life, food etc etc...thought I might write this.

I almost never eat fast food but suddenly craved chips today.
I was already home, lazy to go out in the dark and cold but just wanted some hot chips while watching my new regular TV program MasterChef (haha).

I did not have any potatoes on hand otherwise I might have been desperate enough to cut them up and fry them myself.
After ummhing and ahhing I saw some pumpkin and decided to have sort of pumpkin baked in the oven.

It did help the cravings and at least it was healthy.

Forgive the pictures, it was from the camera phone. (My camera was stolen last year in Malaysia and thank goodness I did not buy a new one otherwise it would have been stolen too!)



Before going into the oven: A splash of oil, some dried herbs, sprinkling of salt.


Again, another ugly picture but oh well
After: With Salmon, Portuguese sauce and roasted pumpkin...
I had spaghetti pan fried with smoked mussels too...guess my weight loss might be temporal haha!

All in a week

My house was broken into twice
once at 4am
once at 4pm

Scary scary

At least I am able to sleep with the light off last night

Job applications are still lagging because of my stolen laptop

Had a presentation but thankfully I emailed it to myself

Bad skin! haha.

Looking forward to doing nothing today

Love the irony

Do you get it? Look carefully

Love the irony but definitely won't want this as my wedding cake

The "not in" thing..

In my blessed and comfortable Christian life, there are not many persecutions or issues regarding why I believe what I believe. But increasingly as I age (getting old) is the tension of bgr.

This often happens when people suggest other people or when other things come up. Often I cop out and just keep quiet because I don't want to break the camaraderie by saying "I will not date a person who is not a Christian." Or just avoid the awkwardness of saying that by playing safe and doge invitations etc. And the list then goes on to why Christians don't move in together and have the big 3 letter word starting with S before marraige or that dating is courtship and so forth.

It is an issue many people find hard to phantom in this age of free belief and choices. From my own experiences, most people are stunned and even feel "discriminated" against. One friend said that all beliefs are the same and cannot not understand the different value systems Christians have. (It could be in part of my own failure to live like Christ and show the difference He has made in my life).

And the seriousness that we take dating....people often go "but how would you know you want to marry this person unless you've gone out with him/her etc etc etc." Of course we do not always know and yes, sometimes not all Christian relationships end up in marraige but the intention is to avoid the "try before you buy" mindset and honor the other person.

Complicating things futher, other Christians date non Christians and makes all the explaining even more difficult.

Maybe this is one of the prices to pay in following Christ in the context of this generation.
I just hope to do it better rather than dodge under the blanket of silence.

If only...

Those who have been on call know how much we long for the clock to point to 7 am after a long 12 hour night shift. The anticipation of a shower, meal and bed. Sometimes even feeling smug that I'm done for the day even as the rest of the world wakes up..(haha)

Which is why the verse in Psalm 130 stands out;
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

Interesting how the phrase the watchmen is repeated twice, as an added emphasis. Can just imagine the anticipation of the watchmen in changing guard plus the relief that the night has passed without any attacks etc.

I know I don't wait with such an anticipation. I hope to have such a hunger; not merely out of need when problems arise but to learn to delight in the Lord.

Vanity!

I am always humbled down when I myself get a cosmetic crisis. As medical practitioners it's so easy to dismiss patients' concerns about the cosmetic effects in the view of more life threatening issues BUT indeed appearances do matter!

A month plus ago I developed a keloid at the back of my ear lobe and freaked out after goggling the pictures online! Although it was not life threatening, in the literature it is not very curable and has a high relapse rate after any modality of treatment. It did cause some anxious moments and yes, it is still there at the moment, but I am thankful to God that it hasn't grown.

I am just so weary that another keloid will develop; this time on the face! I need to see my GP tomorrow! Indeed it is so humbling and makes me repent for judging people when they have body issues or cosmetic surgery etc etc. The holier than thou attitude about others until I myself am plagued with something that keeps me looking at the mirror whenever I get the chance and fretting if it's grown in size....it really keeps things in perspective that I am oh so human as well.

Do pray that no more keloids come up! :(

Can't help it

One of the biggest reasons I don't want to return to Malaysia for internship is my sheer lack of knowledge; especially in terms of practical skills. And O&G in particular requires experience, experience, experience

Over here, my scheduled clinics keep getting canceled because there are too many students both medical and allied health jostling for places-so bad that I can count the number of times I have palpated the abdomens. Turning up for things only to be turned away. I was at delivery suite today waiting but was told to go back home.

It is not such a big deal if I am going to work in Australia because O&G is an optional rotation. But I just do not want to be in the situation as an intern in Malaysia (since it is a compulsory rotation for year 1) at a district hospital getting complicated cases the midwives cannot handle and not knowing what to do. Plus the fact that we don't get taught to do anything at all here, not the suturing, nor the checking of dilatation and are lucky if we get to hold the baby.

I just hope I will be a safe doctor when I graduate at the rate I am going/learning now...

To the top end

It's a little complicated because I am a medical student but I am also an "employee" of St Vincent's since I work there part time as a RA but anyhow, because our abstract was accepted by the TSANZ, I had the gleeful privilege of being sponsored to go to Darwin for the conference.

(forgive my excitement since I am a poor medical student with not much other "happening" things going on in my life)

The abstract. Okay, not super earth shattering and thankfully my consultant was presenting but ya good excuse to go on a trip.


On tour around Darwin. Darwin is pretty far from Sydney, almost 4 hours by flight. Great for outdoors stuff and the highlight of the tour I took was the jumping crocodiles. The rest like buffolo watching, mangrove swamps etc are stuff I grew up seeing in Labuan (my small hometown) so it was not new.

there's a video where it jumps but I am too lazy to upload on youtube.




My hotel room in Holiday Inn...4 nights become a bit of a drag when you're alone but ya no complaints..


Overall, I would not have flown to Darwin if it wasn't sponsored so it was good to get to see what Darwin is like. Also going to this conference plus the part time job is a blessing from God because it is related to med and pays alright with not that long hours. It was a bit lonely just because there were few if no other medical students around, most were advance trainees and consultants but it's good exposure. It also made me a bit more confident about research work because initially I really thought that our abstract won't be accepted (since I have no experience on how such stuff works) but it actually got upgraded to an oral abstract.

The week

started with 6-7 emails at 6am on Monday morning from my supervisor, all urgently needed to be answered as she was giving a talk at lunch time, followed by midwives clinic and a rush to get from clinic-bus-St Vincent's for the talk. The talk was followed by more work as there was still so much more refining to be done.

it progressed with 730 ward rounds and a non threatening but potentially disfiguring health problem that kept me awake, sad and anxious.

in a state of paranoia, another health issue cropped out. While more work needed to be done on top of normal med school stuff. Added to the mix was the potential "no jobs for international students" mantra during information night, along with the possibility that I might leave people I care about behind and the cuddly world of comfortable internship.

I was pretty emotional, tired and strung.

Yet, at the same time some things cleared up like the health issues.

And while it took me awhile to gain back my senses, I am amazed by the reminder that God is faithful in all seasons. That what is impossible with men is possible with God. That God sent me to UNSW in weird circumstances. That he provided a part time job that pays well, is great in the academic sense and a good supervisor. That He spared my life when I was in a terrible accident in KKB a few years ago when the car overturned. That He provided and continues to provide for my family. And many more.

Indeed.

So..

We might not get a job in the end? Because of new policies again?

Oh well, too much drama for this week.
In the end, I do hope to live what I try to profess, that God is in control and He is trustworthy.
So ya..

Long distance relationships...

The funny thing about IMU is that most if not all of us previously from IMU who twinned to partner medical schools all look back and think that those 2.5 years were the one of best years in our lives. It is not the teaching nor the converted shopping mall that we look back fondly upon but the people. The seniors, the juniors and the batchmates-KKB trips, CF and the like.

But of course, it is also a reality that many relationships are tested by the distance.
Different time zones, countries. Differing workloads from super busy at Seremban/US to the super slack UK/Aus.

Over time, the promises to visit another country to meet up with friends fade away due to expensive air fares and minimal holiday times. Emails get shorter until they don't get sent, random bits of information are picked up from facebook home page (at least for me..haha, guilty as charged).

Yet, it is such a treasure when old friendships last the distance and yes, while the levels of contact may change inevitably due to circumstances, I am thankful that my friend and I can still talk at the same level of comfort as before. And to have a special guest from the US! :)



Thank God for friends, friends who last the distance and changes. And for the continuity of friendship that allow us to know where each started of and remind each other the ways God has remained faithful.

Maybe this is familiar...

"But I am not alone in this. Most of you will by this time have lost a parent, a spouse, even a child. Your hopes for your career have not panned out. Your health has given way. Relationships have turned sour. We all know the dilemma of desire, how awful it feels to open out hearts to joy, only to have grief come in. They go together. We know that. What we don't know is what to do with it, how to live in this world with desire so deep in us and disappointment lurking in every corner. After we've taken a few arrows, dare we even desire?" John Eldredge.

And so 6th year will start soon.
It's not that I am not thankful to be so far along, where each exam has been God's grace in allowing me to pass through. Or that I have paid work with a great supervisor and a free abstract. And thankful for friends and family and people. Okay life with health and food and a place to stay.

It's just maybe, I am too cautious to dream, to wary to be passionate.
Once bitten, twice shy.

I just need to know (not an intellectual know but a heart's knowing) why I am doing this again.

No need for words

Was just waiting for a meeting and had some time to grab a coffee (which later gave me tachycardia!) and time to day dream/think/read.

The book somehow reminded me of my father and my elective in his clinic. True it wasn't in the UK with the attractions of travelling around Europe, nor in the adventure of Cambodia which was also considered. It was just in simple Labuan and later GH. It was a choice I made because when else will I ever get a chance to be a medical student again under my father.

It was more than just learning about medicine; but to be mentored under my father. Getting the opportunity to be in the same consulting room, see the different patients that present to the clinic. Seeing how hard he works and how busy he is. Later just having dinner at home.

You see my father isn't a man of many words. We talk but definitely not as much as I do with my mum. Yet it was a great time to just be with him, to observe. where no words needed to be spoken.

How I miss the comfort of family now! Just to hang around doing random things that are so basic like watching TV, eating, fighting occasionally... ;)

From good ole Talley's

When a disease is named after some author, it is very likely we don't know much about it.
August Bier (1861-1949)

Little miss.....

Oh no....

"apperantly"....unless all my family members have conspired....

I....talk in my sleep! :(

Can't laugh at other people anymore for talking in their sleep.

IMU!

The park opposite IMU had a hill where I used to jog up (on the random times where I actually felt rajin enough). During sem3 study break ages ages ages ago, I used to stay up till 7am in the morning, jog, eat hot nasi lemak sold by the pakcik opposite IMU, read my newspapers and then sleep till like 4 in the afternoon. It's not the best for sure..haha

Now there's a 4th story above IMU which used to be our rooftop canteen.

New highway as well and new apartment blocks. And unfortunately the path up to the hill is a bit unsafe with cracks here and there. There's still the nasi lemak thing by the side of the road though with new extensions-chairs and tables!

The past...

Looking back at some old pictures at home, I am struck....

"Why was I better looking last time and not now?!?"

Haha

Musical chairs

So what have I been doing with my holidays?

Every year when I come back, somehow we end up moving house.

This year has been dramatic no thanks to the robbery which made my mother uneasy so we decided to move 2 days after the incident to my "beloved" Vista Commenwealth C where my sister has a room (we were going to move away from Subang anyway but probably only in march 09). Having only 1 small room open, the rest of us slept in the living room. Thankfully the rest of the students were on holidays.

However, they are now back to uni...but in timely providence, my other sister and I are back in Labuan. So although it is still weird that my mum and maid is sleeping in the living room while my sister's housemates are back, we are sort of settled.

Of course it would be inconvenient for the poor students who suddenly have squatters but with God's provision and Eugene's mum's grace, we will soon move to his apartment in Vista B for a few months. Meanwhile my sister's contract at her current apartment ends in February so she will move with us to Vista B...

AND then...we (or rather they as I will be back by then) will move into Vista C to another permenant apartment which we cannot move in atm because it's under contract...................

and meanwhile there are still things in Subang where we will have to move to Vista B temporarily for 1 month before moving it to Vista C

Subang-Vista C-Vista B-Vista C... sums it all up. Phew...haha

Although it's terribly unsettling and have drained me, you know what, we still have a place to stay so ya. God is still gracious. :)

Blast to the past

I arrived today in Labuan, the little island where spent most of my schooling
years. The small, small place where there used to be no Mc Donalds..until recently where there's a 24hr Mc Donalds at the airport and a 24hr KFC! haha..so jakun.

Despite some of the obvious changes, a lot of it remains the same. The same shops, roads.
My house has deteriorated though; paint peeling, rusting metal...after all it's just been my father alone at home for the whole year.

Looking at the stuff at home, I remember some of the things I used to find fascinating; the lamp that lights up on touch, the miniature figurines that we used to get as birthday presents from friends (but is now to be a dust collector!), the videos my sisters and I used to watch over and over and over...it's almost like travelling through time and acknowledging, yes, God, You've brought me through so many changes.

Changes I never expected, some changes I couldn't wait to happen (like going out of Labuan to study and getting so stressed at Pre U that I thought I would fail and just come back and be a nurse at my father's clinic! haha). Painful changes, treasured changes.

In the end, some things I used to love I will find no use for.
And somethings that I never realize its importance will surprise me with its lasting qualities.

Anyway in the meantime..my sister and I might just drive pass McD at 3am..just to satisfy my burning curiosity "Who on earth goes to McDonalds Labuan at 3am!?!?!" haha....