Of justice, hope and mercy

Growing up, I was entralled by the stories of men and women who made a difference to the dark places in the world.
Loved reading TIME/Newsweek, newspapers.
Wanted to be a journalist even! haha. To bring to life the stories of the voiceless, the cries of the broken hearted.
Kind of got side tracked with life over the past few years-settling to be comfortable rather than radical.

Yet watching the biography of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, re reading the passages in Isaiah about justice/mercy... am so humbled by his grace of the good life I am living now.
But what about the child prostitutes, the abandon orphans, the cast out.
How and what am I doing here? What am I called to? I don't know...
 

Never groggy!

Woke up groggy pre night shifts-
and the passage of the day was Psalm 121

3 He will not let you stumble;

the one who watches over you will not slumber.

4 Indeed, he who watches over Israel

never slumbers or sleeps

And despite myself

I still find the tears rolling down my cheeks-I thought I was stronger, more prepared, wiser.
....I dislike vulnerability, helplessness
....yet, I resolve to have an easily bruised but soft heart. To be gracious.

....I just wish one day I will be given the opportunity of full freedom to not hold back.

How amazing is God's faithfulness...

ah....

Another 7 nights down

The evil light that draws me at night....

...and I normally do not eat anything but dark chocolate!

Thankful to God for helping me through another 7 nights-to also have patience and humility.

Am getting crappy at my cannulas though

Peace beyond understanding

Current thoughts:
1) How am I going to cope if I really can't drive for 3 months!?!
How am I going to go to work at night-how much time am I going to waste to walk home 30 min everyday. How am I going to go to a busy cardio rotation 45-1 hour away via public transport back in Sydney (when I could have driven for 15 min and arrived!). And I will miss the opportunity to bring my parents to visit and drive around... :(
2) Finding a house to move is such a headache...given I can't drive...I need to be near public transport, but we need at least 2 car spaces-when I can start to drive back. And rent is expensive now!
3) I still long to serve in a more meaningful way at church
4) Am I even ready to study for the exam next year-so unsettled with moving/car/etc etc
5) How am I even going to appeal/go to court/take time to go to RTA in the midst of working and having no car!

HOWEVER,

My Father will take care of me.
And even at the worst case senario-He always pulls through
and even "taking my car privillages" is a gentle nudge to depend on Him more-it is the most gentle way of increasing my reliance on Him....
and it is an opportunity to learn to accept help from others (I find it so hard to ask)
and to really be thankful for my poor housemate who has coped the flak of having to drive me around so much!
and if I don't learn to be flexible now-how can I be flexible next time?
I leave the FRACP to God...way to "chim" for me...

So Lord, peace beyond understanding!

Emmmm

In my desperation to just clear my head-wrote the previous post.
And was drawn to a couple of verses I posted earlier-just such a good reminder

Maybe I should start blogging again-just for myself since no one reads anymore. But to write and declare God's truth despite my unbelief.

Really encouraged by this blog! http://journals.worldnomads.com/me/

I can't but You can

Mark 10: 23 Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God!”24 This amazed them. But Jesus said again, “Dear children, it is very hard* to enter the Kingdom of God.25 In fact, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!”

26 The disciples were astounded. “Then who in the world can be saved?” they asked.

27 Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God.”

Been personally overwhelmed by a few things.

Feeling really dumb at work and inadequate: especially difficult as being someone in charge I do need to gain the respect of the bosses; so that they trust my message over the phone.

Been feeling quite inadequate in my Christian walk as well: If I am taking this up with the view of doing more for God and thus not being able to be as active in the church scene-yet why am I not able to show more love/patience at work. Do I sit an extra 5 minutes just to chat with patients; esp those who are dying? Do I just do the formalities of pall care referrals and wash my hands off

Plus am I truly being pure in my friendships. Do I have ulterior motives in conversations/relationships? Why do I complain so much? Is there a balance between expressions of frustrations and down right gossip? Why am I not rested in my current state?

Ah-and it draws me back again. That indeed-it is IMPOSSIBLE humanly speaking.

SO Lord, help me Lord!

Verse for 2012

⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 4: 7-8

To be a prisoner of hope!

^{Zechariah 9: 12} Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope;
even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you.

With love from IMU

Almost couldn't attend the wedding-only booked tickets 1 week prior to the day...but am so glad I made it to my bestie from IMU's wedding day!
And wow, so reminded about God's hand in crafting the love story of David and Cindy=all retold via David's dad ;)
He is faithful. He is.

Tears of joy

Sounds ironic but I am so happy to have regained the ability to cry-and thankfully at this season, to shed tears of joy when I saw people getting baptized or people being prayed for!

It's a softening of my defensive heart

Righteousness

I never truly understood the value of righteousness and justice-until the events in Malaysia were made public

The powerful decked in extravagant luxuries, with nary a thought for the poor family who cannot afford to eat anything other than egg and rice
Those who take delight in throwing money at boutiques overseas (where one handbag costs at least RM 15000)-robbed from the people who struggle to make ends meet.
The corrupt who speak empty lies-throwing our medical system into disarray while flying overseas themselves least a headache comes around
Those who would kill-snuffle a life of a future father, breaking the hearts of his family-just to amass money they don't even need, to buy million dollar houses overseas, away from Malaysia.
The defenceless brave people who wore yellow, walking in peace only to be bombarred with acid gas.

The anguished cry for righteousness.....

Oh, how precious it is that my God, is a righteous God.

^{Psalm 9: 8} He rules the world in righteousness and judges the peoples with equity.

Psalm 7: ¹⁷ I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness;
I will sing the praises of the name of the LORD Most High.

A new horizon

(taken in IMU/vista where it was one of the great leaps growing in God....but yea, the best is yet to come!)

A hopeful realist

Looking forward to taking on a new job next year
Not because I know heaps (on the contrary-I know nothing!)
Not because I crave titles or achievements (rather be a housewife though that's up to God)
Not because I love exams
And frankly I feel unprepared and unqualified...

Yet I am excited because it's a chance for God to shine!
Haha
To show me that only through Him I can do it
A chance to depend on God more.
And a chance for me to know more about the enduring faithfulness of God

I love heels

..but why are they always uncomfortable!

..have to stick to flat shoes instead

Paradox

Am truly humbled by this....

was reading John Piper's blog about praying that non believers will realize their emptiness especially in the month of fasting...
and realize...hey, I need to realize my own emptiness too!

In a world where I sit in interviews going "and I am dedicated, hard working, passionate about teaching"and how we try to look put together...it's such a paradox to admit or even realize our own emptiness...

but yet how much God's power can be revealed in our emptiness...

So here I am; Sarah, empty apart from Christ.

and thus, another paradox-I don't think I can survive med reg-ing next year....but if God gives me the job; then I am excited, not for the job, but an opportunity to truly be dependent on my knees with God.

Love it!

Jolk-Jog+walk on winter afternoons + listening to sermons

Awesome

Love walking outside~!


It's been a good few days off as part of the 7 days on 7 days off roster.
How God has brought about several revelations.
And how refreshing it is to just walk outside in the cold-wakes me up and makes me feel ironically less cold when I am home.
Feel privillaged at work too-feel like I am being paid to learn. Paid to train (if someday I would be serving somewhere else) What an awesome thought that is!
And how awesome that cheap eats always are yum! Haha

Let's shout it out..

I am proud to be Malaysian.

And with tears flowing as I watch the videos-even recognizing some people in there...
my friends, my pastors...
This is my home. Where I feel most alive.



And Oh, how good the God we serve, who loves Justice and Mercy.
Who desires righteousness! And how precious it is (never realized it until now, righteousness).

Oh lord, you know my burried dreams...it's in your hands...

Discipline

I need to put down my thoughts into words and not just drift along life...